Full name and affiliation:

Trevor Martin Kealey, non affiliated

Date of birth:

January 14, 1977




Magicians. David Blaine, your magic is real and I believe in you!


Most Tim Horton's commercials.

Favourite food:

Sideways big macs

Favourite drink:

Beer, Milk (separately, not together)

Favourite movie:

The Man Who Knew Too Little.

What 5 albums are you listening to right now?

1. The Creeps - Back to the Bin
2. Buffalo - Only Want You For Your Body
3. The Life and Times - The Magician
4. Wilco - AM
5. The Band - Box Set - it's awesome!

Must haves in your closet, what are they?

Skeletons. Also, my sexuality.

What is the most precious thing in the world to you?

My ability to see through clothing. Plus a nickel I found that has a hole in it, so that I can put it on a chain and wear it. Awesome!

Ideal setting with that special someone - where would it be?

In some type of sports situation, where that special someone is not too good at the sport, so that I have to basically get in behind her to show her how to properly play the sport, and then we are all close and intimate. I think mini putt is best for this, but bowling is most erotic.

Favourite fast food:

A Shawarma from the Shish Kabab House on Carling Avenue.

Most memorable moment that you can recall?

Recent events: Peeing beside Bobby Hull, and then hearing him fart. Or maybe the birth of my child. That was pretty memorable.

Wickedest thing that you ever did for a girlfriend?

Let her out of the Dutch Oven after only 15 seconds. Normally I keep her in there for the full Dutch Minute.

If you could have any scene in your life done for a movie, what would it be?

The time I answered a bunch of ridiculous questions that were designed to let people get to know me, but in the end only served as a platform for smart ass remarks.

Spiritual or religious?

Spirigious, or maybe relitual. The new millenium is all about combiperation.

Favourite mag:

Margaret Trudeau

Favourite book:

STAR WARS EPISODE II: Attack of the Clones Movie Storybook. It has awesome still captures of the action in the movie, plus a severely abbreviated text synopsis of the movie.

What was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

The time I had a wet dream while sleep walking in the all girls cabin at summer camp.

Favourite actor/actress:

Ethan Suplee

Favourite ice cream:

Flavourless Ice Milk.

If you could choose any famous chick to be with, who would it be?

If you mean "be with" like the nurse kind of way, Florence Nightengale, but if you mean "be with" like the sex kind of way, then maybe Evangeline Lilly from LOST.

Most memorable concert?

Milli Vanilli with Young MC at the Civic Centre in Ottawa

What is your ideal woman?

Equal parts grit and determination, equal parts charm and charisma. Mix in large helping of wit, and a pinch of sarcasm. Roast for 2 hours at 450 degrees.

Do you have any regrets?

I regret stabbing that hobo at the rail yards. I didn't kill him, but I think it hurt him real bad.

Favourite Vehicle?

Any car that when it stops, about 20 clowns get out. That's hilarious!

Qualities you seek in a woman?

A place to holster my pork pistol.

If you could be any song, which song would you be?

Any song that will live in a person's heart forever. Because then, I would never die, and plus when I wanted to make this guy's heart explode I could, because I would be on the inside.

Dream Vacation?

My own private Idaho

If you could have one night of carnal sex with any woman in the world, who would it be with, and why?

Nicole Kidman. The other night I had a dream that I kissed her, and when I woke up my pillow was gone!

Your biggest secret is...?

That I never learned how to read.