Full name and affiliation:

Chris-a a-Luigi a-a-a-a-SARACHEEEENO.

Date of birth:

May 17th, 1977




The laughter of children
The sun
The skies
Fighter jets
Nice mail, like free magazine subscriptions of an income tax refund


V8-maximum gross
The smell of well water
Walking into public bathrooms and hearing people struggling on the can
Bad service
Retarded salespeople
Discovering bad food in the fridge

Favourite food:

Number E9 at Pho Thi Vietnamese Soup House
Crispy Egg Rolls
Cilantro on anything

Favourite drink:

I get drunk on 3 beers. Seriously. The answer to this question is fucking water.

Favourite movie:

Schindler's Twist: The True Story of Mike Schindler, the man who invented vanilla and chocolate twist ice cream.....ah this isn't very funny. Sorry.

What 5 albums are you listening to right now?

1. The Twillight Singers-self titled-2004.
2. T.I. King-Universal-2006.
3. Incubus-Light Grenades-Epic, 2006.
4. C'Mon-In The Heat Of The Moment, 2005.
5. John Mayer-Continuum 2006.

Must haves in your closet, what are they?

Well...in 2002, it was my collection of VHS porno tapes
"Blowjob Bimbos" is a good one...


It's my electronic tie rack.

What is the most precious thing in the world to you?

My 5 senses. If someone took those away, I'd be really fucked.

Ideal setting with that special someone - where would it be?

A soccer game, with no goal posts. Every shot is a goal, and therefore, we'd both be winners, together.

Favourite fast food:

Hot Dogs from "Dogma" in South Beach, Miami Florida.

Most memorable moment that you can recall?

Witnessing Steve have a temper tantrum because nobody knew he was Darth Maul for Halloween in 2002.

Wickedest thing that you ever did for a girlfriend?

Instead of Justin Timberlake tickets, I did my own expressional dance routine for her. There was a lot of jazz hands, trust you me.

If you could have any scene in your life done for a movie, what would it be?

The time I wore a headband at my bus stop in Grade 10.

Spiritual or religious?

I believe in Steve, Paul, and Trev.
Myself, well I'm working on that, and it's one day at a time, but the coffees brewing, so I'm taking it easy, and I'm not letting the sound of my own feet drive me crazy.

Favourite mag:

Gamepro or Nintendo Power

Favourite book:

Sex: An Illustrated Guide To Doing It

What was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

Barfing in my first girlfriend's mouth when I went in for the french, in 1991.

Favourite actor/actress:

Gary Oldman and Samantha Morton

Favourite ice cream:

Dairy Queen. Blizzards. When they turn it upside down before they give it to you, I knock it out of their hands, and then run out of there.

If you could choose any famous chick to be with, who would it be?

Tyra Banks.
She has a huge ass now, but I just want to see it.

Most memorable concert?

The Sights / The Dominion 2003
The Buzzcocks / Club Soda 2003
Iggy & The Stooges/Little Steven's Undergroud Garage/NY/2004
Jim Bryson/Bluesfest/2004

What is your ideal woman?

Definitely digging nerdy hipsters....what's her face from Girls. Tina Fey. Debi Diamond. Debi Diamond is a porn star - but she's had a few witty remarks before getting shafted - so she makes the list.

Do you have any regrets?

The only regret I have, is not being my authentic self in high school.

Favourite Vehicle?

My father's 1996 Grand Am. Good times. I puked in the heater vent, and never told anyone.

Qualities you seek in a woman?

It's imperative that they didn't have a sex change. Also, a clean criminal record, not being a psycho, an operational set of genitals, and although not a requirement, it would be nice to have breasts that are larger than A cups.

If you could be any song, which song would you be?

Can You Take Me Higher by Damn Yankees. Have you ever heard that song? It's fucking incredible.

Dream Vacation?

MARS. That's how I roll in 2012.

If you could have one night of carnal sex with any woman in the world, who would it be with, and why?

Monica Belluci, and for that matter, the entire Belluci family.
Everyone! Take your clothes off!

Your biggest secret is...?

I dated Trevor for 5 years. When it didn't work, we decided to be with women.
Is it weird sometimes? Yeah, but that kind of thing happens when you're that close with someone.