What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

HELP! My marriage is in XMAS trouble.

December 18th, 2003

Charlie Hinkley writes:

Hello,

I have a question for you.
My marriage has been great for the last 6 years. I love my wife, and we have a great life together. We own a book store in a hip and trendy area of town.
Everything was grand and fine, up until my wife began suggesting that we check out a fetish party. I thought that this one of those things where a bunch of sex toys get circulated while you pound coffee and biscuits and giggle, but this was entirely different. We arrived at a rave practically, with much debaucherous activity going. I come from a strict catholic upbringing where this kind of evil is strictly forbidden. You can imagine when I walk in the kind of reaction I might have had. There were monkeys in cages, and people walking around in gas masks and leather clothes. There was also dark dance music, and men dressed up as a slaves. Many women were sporting lashes and whips, and a few of them were even wearing police officer uniforms. There were designated rooms like in a choir club or community center, where I'm certain that women were talking nonsense to men, and they might have even showed them their breasts. I was aghast!

My wife seemed to be slightly amused, and even tittilated by this event. I was thoroughly disgusted, and immediately went home and recited the Psalms. Other things have been happening recently as well. My wife always makes suggestion of getting another person involved in our make out sessions, and sometimes asks me if I would mind "changing things up" a bit. I think she might want to watch a dirty evil sex video. I dare say hear those words yet come out of her mouth, but I think she wants to suggest it.

Christmas is upon us, and I am terrified. She bought me a gift, one of which looks to be an oversized box of some sort. What I've heard, is that these sex dirty videos come in boxes like this, and I dread having to open that as she opens up my hardcover copy of "Jars Of Clay" Tour 2003 photo book.

My question is this? What do I do?

Trevor	You may be on the cusp of something great here. Sounds to me like your wife wants to include you in things that may offer you more pleasure than a Jars of Clay live performance, more stimulation than a bible study group, and more joy than ten hail mary's. You'll just have to go to confession a whole lot more than you used to.
Steve	Jesus Christ, Charlie... have you tried consulting Jesus? I appreciate you not turning to your faith and coming to us instead, but maybe you should be turning to the good book... Hustler's annual XXX-mas double-issue XXX-travaganza. It's full of lots of nice pictures, stories, gift ideas and photo spreads of people having sex with many of God's other creatures. If you buy this for your wife, you'll show her that you're showing an interest in her new lifestyle. You don't have to look inside if you don't want to.
Paul	From what I have learned from my past experiences and from Martha Stewart, is that chances are that your wife only expects you to "give it your best." With that said I think that you should bring some of your talents to these parties. Ask if you can have your own room to show off your oragami collection or bake some nice ginger bread men. I'm sure that you will find some other people that feel the same way as you. Just because someone is naked with a leather mask on doesn't mean that they wouldn't enjoy a nice chamomile tea.
Chris	Charlie, I am also horrified by this obvious lack of respect on your wife's part. Everyone knows that sex only happens when God gives you his blessing, and a giant portal of light opens up in the sky, and doves fly around the room, and snow from heaven rains down on you and your partially clothed wife, and a little ditty called "Bed Of Roses" by Bon Jovi begins... That is God's way of saying..."Hey guys, feel free to have some sex". Leather and boas and evil are not permitted. I know. I know. sinful.

Page: