What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
LORD OF THE RINGS: A SERIOUS MATTER
December 11th, 2003
Jack Fontana a.k.a. HUMAN GANDALF writes:
Humans,
I am awaiting through the countdown to the opening of THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING. I am a human wizard, trained in the ways of magic. I didn't appreciate the last bullshit response that your band gave me. FUCK ALL OF YOU GUYS IF YOU DON'T HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING. Rock and Roll is here to stay, then we will shred over your lifeless rotting corpses in the war on lame music, just like what the orcs should have done with the humans and the riders of rohan. You guys are worse than Britney Spears and all the rest of that shit. REAL music is about chanelling your inner spirit, and invoking the GODS. Tolkien's novels have influenced all awesome music. You guys are obviously reading the fucking Hardy Boys because you suck times a million. My question today is this. I know that you are all royal and regal gaylords, but what is the best way to get tickets to LOTR?
Fuck You Very Much,
Jack Fontana
 Trevor |
Listen Fontana! I know we haven't see eye to eye on most subjects, so I'm going to lay it on the line for you: you are the scum of the earth. Don't start some battle you can't finish, because if the Setbacks machine gets started it won't be stopped especially not by some panty waste Judas Priest cover band posers who think their contribution to music is worth more than it is. What you and your late 80's leftover compadres call music is not worth the cassette you recorded it on in your step dad's garage. You can even hear your step dad yelling at you in the background of the recording, begging you to get a job, to move out of his house, and to stop drinking his Pabst Blue Ribbon. You and your sleaze ball buddies need to quit kidding yourselves and wash your hair, and spandex doesn't come in Large for a reason.
As for your inquiry, the best wat to get tickets to a movie is on the internet. They have that on computers now too, so it's real easy. |
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 Steve |
The best way for a bonafide wizard like yourself to get tickets to the new LOTR movie is to channel the spirits that you have at your disposal in such a way that they are able to take the human form of a Cineplex employee. This way you'll be able to gain easy access to the theatre you wish to attend. Once inside, commmand the spirits to take the form of a carbonated beverage and a large popcorn with white cheddar seasoning. However, be forewarned - ingesting the gods during movie could prove fatal as they pass through your digestive system. |
 Paul |
Awaiting wisdom... |
 Chris |
Dear Jack(ass),
You phenomenally suck dick. Threatening The Setbacks is a major mistake and could get you hurt or killed. There was once a band called UNDERSTOREY, and they decided to fuck with us. Trevor dressed in all black, went to the lead singer's parents house, and set up all his gear in his parent's bedroom. He then cranked the knobs to 11, and busted out the giant double neck Ibanez guitar that he had. He hired a midget, also all dressed in black, to hit the lower six strings on the bottom guitar, while he wailed on the top one. The bedroom exploded with rock music as the people slumbered, and from what I heard, there was a lot of exploding of internal organs, heads going 180 degrees backwards, and skin burning and eyeballs caving in. Fucking think of this asshole, the next time you fucking threaten us, fuck. You want Trevor to come to your house and obliterate your body with rock music, stealthily, while you sleep? This will fucking hurt, and you will fucking die slow, then fastly. Your band sucks, and we have the power to say that shit, because we're invincible like the KISS ARMY. On the regular, we have our fans doing frenzied tribal dances where they peel their skins off while listening to our music and tunes....and that is a good experience. Imagine what we can do if we're pissed off. At the end of Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom, all the nazis and that weird French and German guy open up the ARC, and get fucking destroyed by power. You should rent that movie and see what happens in that scene, because that is what would happen to your and your fuckwad slab ban buddies if you have a fight with The Setbacks. Fuck you very much... |