What Would the Setbacks Do?

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My Momma loves ARCHIE comics.

December 4th, 2003

Eddie Chalmers writes:

Hi Setbacks,

I'm 7 years old and my mother is neglecting us. All she does is sit on her ass and collect welfare cheques and uses the money to buy Archie comics.
Archie comics are cool and everything I guess, but my mother locks herself in her room with a pack of cigarettes and 12 double digests, then she doesn't come out for a few days. She doesn't even remember our names! She calls me and my sister Reggie and Veronica... our names are Eddie and Julie!

I don't know what to do... and I don't think I should have any answers either... I am only 7 years old.

P.S. Actually... I would never breathe a word at school about liking Archie comics, because the older kids would call me "light in the loafers"... whatever that means.


Trevor		 Eddie,

I don't think you have anything to worry about. As long as you stay in Riverdale, you won't need any of the basic necessities your mother should be providing you.

Friendless? Arch is everyone's BEST bud and the kind of guy you'd LOVE to hang with. Hungry? Share a burger with Jughead at Pop's Shoppe. Need help with homework? Talk to Dilton Doyley, he's very smart. Weak? Moose will stand up for you (just don't try to hit on his sweetheart!). Need new clothes? one word: Veronica.

And don't forget Betty, apparently she's a demon in the sack. Though that isn't a necessity your mother should have provided anyway.

Steve		 I've never heard of "Archie comics" before so I did a little investigating over the weekend.

I was able to find a "Double Digest" and "Laugh" magazine and I was immediately blown away with the meticulous quality and workmanship that goes into each publication, right down to the individual illustrations. I must say that the character development and plot lines are far superior to anything I've encountered before.

Reggie... err Eddie, I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with your mother on this one. I really have to applaud her for raising you in a home that recognizes the sheer genius of this perfect epitome of art and popular culture. In fact, I think I would do you some good to spend a little time with a couple "Jughead" magazines yourself.


Paul		 So what you are saying is that you are a 7 year old who wears loafers? Now it has been a while since I have been 7 but I'm pretty darn sure that I didn't wear loafers but this is besides the point.

I think you are placing the blame in the wrong area. I don't think it is "Archie's" fault that you have a bad mother. Would you feel better if your mom locked herself in her room with a stack of John Grisholm novels?

Looking back on Archie comic books, that was my first introduction to the rock n' roll lifestyle. Who didn't want to travel around to different groovy locations to see "The Archie's" or "Josie and the Pussycats". Now I just read them because I'm hoping that someday that fucking tease Veronica will put out.

Chris		 You are a punk kid.
Archie comics are the one thing that everyone should be reading on a regular basis. Your mother is wise like a wise man who visited Jesus in the manger. Cut her some slack. The adventures of Jughead and Pops and Archie, and the rest of the crew has been an amazing staple of free society for the last 40 years. Chill out and get a job asshole.

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