What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
Medieval Rock
November 24th, 2003
Jack Fontana writes:
Hello Fellow Bards,
My parents are very concerned with me. I am a 39 year old Majic card strategy champ, and have since started a band called EXCITER. You can view our webpage at http://exciter.org/jack.htm. Metal at it's maximum potential is our specialty. We induce complete transformation during performances, and call on the spirits of Chancelle, the GOD OF WOOD.
Your band is known for rocking, but have you ever considered calling on the spirits? My mission is to ensure that all bands know to call on the entities. I have chosen the presence and power of Chancelle, simply because he is excellent in battle, and lives life in excellence.
Also, would you be interested in checking out our show with SEVERED CHRIST, SPLATTER PROPHET, VOORHEES EXPLOSION, and BLOODFUCK on November 28th? It shall rock you.
In excellence,
Jack.
 Trevor |
Jack,
First off, your band looks awesome! I wish I could go to your show Friday, but we have our own show that night. I've been writing some metal songs and will hopefully be using it in a side project soon. It will be called Mountains of Death. Our first single will be called Walking in the Woods. As for calling the spirits, this is something I do privately before shows (usually standing at a urinal), not something we do as a band. I prefer to call on the Finnish god Pellervoinen, the god of fields, trees, and plants. He rules over fertility, and this is something I feel is very important when blasting loud music, because the vibrations might sterilize the audience, and that is something I could not live with. Knowing I made a generation of people unable to reproduce, thereby destroying humankind. That's heavy dude. |
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 Steve |
Have we considered calling on.... the entities?!?!?! The only god of wood I call on is the one in my pants. I suggest you start praying to little Jack (or call it Chancelle if you want... whatever) and maybe - just maybe - a girl might come along and possibly devirginize your Archie comic reading ass. |
 Paul |
As a Raelian diciple I respect the fact that you have chosen these fake gods to worship. Who am I to judge if your beliefs don't include cloning and orgies. Before each show I ask Rael, "Hail our Saviour", for the strength to implode any onlooker's face with the power of rock. After I am tapped on the elbow three times with his magic macadamia nut and kiss his pinky toe I am granted with this strength. Rael, "Hail our Saviour", being a former race car driver (did your god race cars?), knows what it is like to have to perform in front of thousands of screaming fans.
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 Chris |
Hi Jack,
I don't think we're all that interested in inducing spirits to help us with our rock mission. I'm pretty sure that we'd fucking destroy your shit ass band with our eyes closed. I will not be attending your show because you are a tremendous loser, and Judas Priest had kind of a cool thing going on when I was 5, but you guys suck the hole of the ass. I'm certain that Rob Halford was simply just smiling because he didn't want to be an asshole in that picture with you. He's probably disgusted with your band. Don't take this wrong way. I'm sure you're an okay guy, but you need to get a major overhaul with your buds. You all should be doing Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young covers, not your personal renditions of "Painkiller". If you want to collectively stand in front of our amps one day at one of our rehearsals, we can simultaneously blow all of your skins off with the force of our rock power. I do however think that the fact that you play Majic The Gathering is a semi cool thing, and you might still have a chance to lose your virginity. In Excellence, Chris |