What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Meow

October 23rd, 2003

Anonymous writes:

My live-in girlfriend recently started giving me tips on lovemaking... which wouldn't be so hard to take if she wasn't giving me the advice while we were in the act. It's a real kick to the self esteem and I'm worried that if I can't please her she'll find somebody else. Also, her cat likes to come into the bedroom and watch us do it, which adds stress by making me feel like I have to perform for him to. What can I do?

Trevor	First off this cat must be killed. Immediately. Do it swiftly and humanely for sure, but just do it. Don't be a wuss. Just focus on the task at hand and do it. There'll be time for baby tears later, you coward. Second, you need to do what your girlfriend says. A satisfied woman means a satisfied man, because the woman holds the key to the gates into the garden of ultimate pleasure. It's a gold key with a big vagina on the top, you'll know it when you see it. But damnit man, KILL THAT CAT!
Steve	Don't be ashamed. Most guys need a little a guidance with the slide-ance. What you need to do is turn it back on her - see how she likes the free tips. If she's doing something wrong, tell her how to do it right... and if she starts doing it right, tell her she's still doing it wrong! That'll teach her. The downside, of course, is that your genitals will really take a beating.
Paul	Lets say, hypothetically, that you are really bad in the sack. Here are some quick tips that might turn you from dud to stud: 1) Lower her standards. If you buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, compliment her hair, and treat her nice; chances are that she will be a little more forgiving in the sack (PS: a bottle of wine doesn't hurt either). 2) Think baseball, think Roseanne Barr, think of Alf. Whatever you have to do to keep your little dude under control and last a couple more minutes. Andy Wilson is the only guy I know who was proud to be a one-minute-man. I'm going to bet that your woman wants things to last a bit longer (they always do....). 3) WWBD. What Would Barry Do? Just before you reach for a jar of Return of the Jelly: Scent of Yoda collectors KY, think to yourself "Is this what Barry White, Issac Hayes, or any other smooth operator would do?" I don't think so. Hope these tips help you out.
Chris	Just flip it dude. Give her tips. Ask her of she'd be interested in using the cat as a prop. If she's giving you tips, that is a sure fire sign to get rid of her. That's what happens when you date prudes. Ensure she knows that your beeflance has nothing wrong with it, and that she needs to watch more pornography to know what you need...not the other way around. SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Trust me.

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