What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

NEED QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

July 1st, 2003

Francis Cobblepipe writes:

Hi Setbacks. My girlfriend keeps on asking me for a Pearl Necklace, but when I try to buy her one, she winces and says that I'm an idiot. She always asks me for it when we're kissing or making out, and then I'll run to Jubille Jewellers, and she throws her hands up in the air in exasperation.

She also gets equally frustrated when I attempt to decipher her woman code for "Tossing Her Salad" and "Flipping Her Burgers". Here I am making trips to Loeb IGA, getting a summer luncheon ready for us to enjoy, and she's there getting pissed off!

I love her, and would do anything....but I'm at the end of my rope. I have no idea what she means? Help me help her!

Frank


Trevor		 This is a tough question. The Setbacks even discussed it at last night's practice, which is odd because we normally wait until everyone answers a question to discuss it. Well this one was different.

We even asked outside sources for help. Some people became quite embarassed when we asked what "tossing her salad" meant. Natalie from Sorority Song (the record label that is helping us for our next release) was so uncomfortable that she couldn't tell us while looking at us. She answered while talking into a pillow.

Our friend Maritia just got back from England, and she had all sorts of answers for us. She was almost too eager to explain some of the terms. She said she heard it all from the British Military. I don't know what that means, but apparently part of their training involves sexual innuendo. What is even stranger is that she has nothing to do with the British Military.

Anyway, keep asking people, soon you'll find someone who will explain these things too you. I am uncomfortable writing the definitions out here, as that kind of thing does not belong on the internet.

Steve		 In these times of need, I often turn towards a higher power... such as ZZ Top. Let's see if they can shed some light on the subject:

She was gettin' bombed,
And I was gettin' blown away,
And she took it in her hand,
And this is what she had to say:
A pearl necklace.
She wanna pearl necklace.

Thank God for those two guitar-slinging wise men! Yet again the infinite wisdom stored in their long beards has provided me with clarity in cloudy times. You see, he's referring to a special act where a woman and a man... um...

I think your best bet is to talk to some of the older boys at your school to get the specific details, but I hope this is a push in the right direction.

Paul		 Doing some research on the subject I found a website to help all your needs. A tip is to print it off and put it beside your bed as a reference guide. Good luck.

http://gyral.blackshell.com/sex.html

Chris		 I once had a girlfriend who insisted on me "Plucking Her Chickens". I had no idea what she was talking about, and was further frustrated by her inability to use clear terminology when attempting to let me know about her desires.

I am telling you forthright that she is trying to tell you something related to the bedroom...know what I mean?

Maybe she would like sensual massage, much like the creamy experience of Salad Dressing when she says that wants her salad tossed. Perhaps, she would like the milky smooth touch of your hand when referring to having her burgers flipped, or receiving a pearl necklace. I often ask my mother about these mysterious mysteries concerning women. Moms always give good advice about stuff like this, because often they are asking our dads to toss their salads, and fluff their pillows, and give them pearl necklaces, and flip their hot dog buns, and whatever...all the time. Your mother can give you the heads up on these encrypted codes that women use during the courting ritual...ask her. Once you know, you and your girlfriend can fully enjoy each other's company.

p.s. Remember to be specific when talking to Mummy!

Best,

Chris



Page: