What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Just Wanna Sexx U UP!

May 10th, 2003

Lana Bandana writes:

Hey Boys,

I am a 34 year old divorced mother of two, and have been dying to get some since my husband I and split due to his inability to keep his privates out of all of my friends. I have been off the market for a while, but decided to pick up where I left off in 1992. This did not work out at all. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but people don't do the running man any more at bars. This dance move has been completely labelled an endangered species. This was THE pick up dance back in the day. Shaving wedges into your eyebrow is also apparently not kosher, as are overalls with one pin undone, peace signs, Chip & Pepper clothing and apparel, and British Knights. I enjoyed my street credibility back before I met my guy, and that's actually what brought us together, but this style and look is the only thing I know. I was successful in getting a guy into my bedroom last week, but when I started pumping Color Me Badd on my Sony Ghetto Blaster as we got busy, he scoffed, and took off. I was left there mouthing the words to "I Adore Me Amore", wearing my 8 ball jacket, and feeling unfulfilled. Help me!

-Lana


Trevor		 Yes, thankfully the world has undergone a lot of changes since you were on the scene. There are many new fads that are just as annoying that you can latch on to now that will be gone in 10 years or less.

Though I should be one of the last doling out fashion advice, try these:

  • get some pants that show ass cleavage
  • wear an old neck tie with your undershirt
  • throw out your old and faded jeans
  • buy some new jeans that are manufactured to look old and faded
  • always remember that shaving designs in your eyebrows never goes out of style.
If none of that works, then come to a Setbacks show - we love Cougars!

Steve		 Lana, this is too perfect! I'm going to fix you up with Chris, our extraordinarily talented (and desperately single) drummer. He's really deep and doesn't care about superficial things like clothes, personal hygeine or straight teeth. I mean, the guy wears Capcom t-shirts...I think it's pretty apparent that looking fashionable isn't important to him. No, to get to know the real Chris you need to dig a little deeper: past the annoying Italian-isms, past the abnormally low alcohol tolerance...right down to the core of his being. Can you see it? I can. What a special guy.

Chris, all the best on your 21st birthday on Saturday.

Paul		 First of all I would like to say that "the running man" will never die. That is an amazing move. Everyone should have it in their repetoir.

As for your problem, I think we need to look at the "big picture" here. How do you fall THAT far behind?! My only explanation is that your husband locked you up Blast from the Past style. Dealing with that issue is another whole question in itself. As for the fashion issue, you sound like a Gap employee's wet dream. I mean, even if the Gap or whatever isn't in your budget......damn, even Canadian Tire has more up to date clothes then you. My advice to you is to take your "I'm with Stupid"-tshirt-stonewash-jeans-hightops ass out and start fresh!

Chris		 yes,...we love cougars....especially Hip Hop cougars.
You sound rad. Would you like to come to my birthday show, and be my friend/escort for the evening? I can break out my bloomers a la MC Hammer, and wear a Starter cap with the NBA tag from the store still on it. I also have a an old school mix on cassette with Boyz II Men on it, that we can rock to all nite long.
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