What Would the Setbacks Do?

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OVER THE SHOULDER BOULDER HOLDERS

May 6th, 2003

Friendly Fingers writes:

Yo! My girlfriend has one giant boob, and one little one. The price of getting these custom bras all the time is driving me nuts. I work at CASHWAY, and am unable to afford my woman's chest inconsistencies. I'm thinking about breaking up with her, because she also has a bad farting problem. I'm fed up!
The trick here is that she is the mother of my two twins, and she also paid for me to finish high school, and she is an exact bone marrow match. It's like one hand is filled with niceness, while the other has these two breasts that just don't jive with each other's idea of how big they supposed to be. DAMN!

Trevor	That's a tough one. A woman's breast size is a sensitive subject. Women don't like to have faults pointed out (nor do men for that matter). But I think I have just the solution though: You can have your hands surgically altered, so that one is big and one is small, to match her inconsistencies. This won't fix your money problem, actually it may hurt the wallet even more, as you will need to buy two pairs of gloves and then throw one of each away so you can have gloves that fit your mismatched hands. You could probably make money somehow off of your oddly sized hands and your girlfriends oddly sized boobies. Be prepared for a life on the road though, freak shows move around a lot - which might be tough on the twins (the kids, not the boobs).
Steve	Thanks for the question. If I had a dime for every time a stranger came to me with this very problem...why, I'd be rich! I'm going to tell you the same thing I told all of them. With the advent of modern surgical technology, the breasts can be made the same size. But an exact bone marrow match, that only comes along once in a lifetime. Keep her close to you and protect the precious marrow at all costs.
Paul	I have been thinking about this post for days now. I have absolutely no idea what to say to this. So instead I will post a "boob" joke: A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde enter a breast-stroke-only swimming contest across the English Channel. They start off one day in the fog and swim through the choppy seas. Four hours later the redhead finishes and dries herself off. The brunette finishes a close second. Four hours after that, the blonde comes up on the opposite side, totally out of breath. She walks up to a race judge and says, "Listen, I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those girls were using their arms."
Chris	Dude...you're an asshole. How can you be so shallow? What is this about? This woman loves you, and she is the mother of your kids, plus she...... Actually. That sucks that she has lopsided boobs. Immediate break up required.

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