What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Sausage Shows

January 22nd, 2003

Sean writes:

I need some help. I want to bring up the "property value" of my band, and
this is why I have turned to you guys. I notice this really hot girl at all
your shows (the two I have been to), she was even wearing a Setbacks shirt
at the last one. Who is she? and how does my band get super hot/cool chicks
to come out to all our shows? I really need your help, it is like a sausage
party everytime we play. Please help!

P.S. Can I get her number?


Trevor		 The first step to acheiving any sort of chick related rockandroll success is to sell your soul to the devil. When you do so, make sure to get the "hot lady" clause in the contract, that way you won't just be playing to dudes.

I tried to find the picture of us signing the contract with Satan, but one of the other guys must have it. It would have been a good picture, but Satan's eyes were closed.

Steve		 If there's one thing girls hate, it's dishonesty - so you shouldn't tell them how you're going to trick them into coming to your shows. Do a little research and find out what band(s) hot girls really like, you'll probably discover that it's stuff like Sheryl Crow and the Dixie Chicks...not really "rock" material, but you have to respect the hot girls' tastes, after all, you're trying to impress them right? Now organize a fake show at a local club with these bands and put your band as the opener...and promote the hell out of it! By the time the show rolls around you'll be playing to a room full of fine ladies...problem solved.

Sean, I'd love to give you that hot girl's phone number, I mean you seem like a really nice and genuine guy...but she's my roommate, so I'd actually be giving you my phone number and I have a policy against doing that...because for all I know you're some kind of weirdo.

Paul		 I think what needs to be explained is "The Snowball Effect". This, in my opinion, is the reason for our ample female crowd. The theory is based around the simple fact that girls like to hang around girls. What you need to do is get one girl to come to your show. This girl will probably feel uncomfortable going alone so she will invite one of her girlfriends (do you see where this is going?.....).

The second part of this theory also has to do with comfort. Girls don't really like to be in dark places with a ton of guys. Once you get a hand full of girls at a show the word will get out (through the girl grapevine) and next thing you know it you will have a harem of lovely ladies swaying in the front row.

Chris		 Hey Man,

To be honest with you, I have no idea why the band has so many hot ass chicks at all of our shows. I've played in bands where all the groupies have either obesity issues, or hooks for hands....(sometimes even both)....and was pleasantly surprised to find that The Setbacks have a Playboy Mansion effect on the music scene, if you will.
The last show, while wearing my velour jacket, with 6 women all with 36DDD breasts on my arms, I was thinking about why, and realized the one thing that we do. We rock. If you rock, the women will come. I guarantee it.

Here's a little sample for your band improvement itinerary. When and if you rock, get used to having some fine ass 36 DDD women making you eggs in the morning, and shaving your beard. It's phenomerific.

Take it Eaz..

Chris
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