What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Dating A Friend's Ex...

January 30th, 2007

Jack Pendejo writes:

Hello Guys,

The name's Jack Pendejo. I recntly split with my common law wife, and have been out of the singles game for a while now. Bottom line, I am ready and dying to butter some booties again.

Anyways, I ran into "Tammy" recently at a garage sale. She is fine!
What's weird is this...she is my ex's best friend. What makes this even more complicated is that she is still friends with my ex. Should I pursue this?
There is another complicated matter here...Tammy and I already went out on a date, and we slept together. She is also pregnant now, with my son. No one has really noticed because she's a big gal, but sooner or later it will be revealed.

Anyways, I really like her. Do you think I should maybe give it a go? Or do you think things might get a bit awkward?

Trevor	Listen PENDEJO! All you need to do to avoid awkwardness is some serious spin. Politician style spin. You may need to hire a PR expert, but I'll give you some ideas off the top of my head that might work. Right now you look like the bad guy, so we need to change that perception by making it seem like your ex impregnated her best friend Tammy. To do this you'll need to pull off the old DNA switcheroo. When no one is looking you'll need to change the label on your sample and your ex's sample. Then, when science has proven you right, you swoop in to help Tammy out by being there for her. Public opinion will be on your side, you'll be back in the sack with Big T, and you'll be in a position to raise your own son. This does not eliminate awkward situations though, and may permanently damage your ex's reputation. Your call.
Steve	I used to know a Jack Pendejo. He was a man-servant at my uncle's cattle ranch in New Mexico. Jack was a warm and caring man but had no basic reasoning skills. Because of this we called him "the animal". Jack wasn't unintelligent - he attended community college and read many books - but when it came to awareness, decision making and deduction he was at a severe disadvantage. I visited the ranch often in my teenage years and would regularly wake to Jack's shrill banshee-like panic-induced scream attacks. If Jack ever found himself in a closed room - which happened often while he sleepwalked - he would be unable to comprehend the purpose of the door knob and would be hopelessly trapped until one of us could release him. He sure had way with animals though! You could really feel a special connection between Jack and the livestock, I think mostly due to the fact that the cattle also had no capacity for any kind of organizational thinking. I've often thought of Jack as my second cat. He sure taught me a lot over the years... like how essential reasoning is to basic survival. Bless his gentle heart.
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	First off, congratulations on your impending fatherhood! Jack, let's get down to the real issues here. The real issue is there is obviously something wrong with using condoms for you, or at the very least making sure that underarm sex is considered in place of regular intercourse to prevent pregnancy. Lastly, you might be retarded. I'd forget about your reputation for a second, or any awkwardness between you and your ex. I just gave the guy before you a tip for being "real" with himself, and I intend to do the same thing with you. Three tits...yeah that's not half bad. Realize the situation. With you, I'm compelled to non-physically shake you and make you ask yourself...are you aware that you're having a child with this woman? Why are you so concerned with perception and weirdness with your ex at this point? IT IS GOING TO BE WEIRD! You're considering going on a second fucking date with this woman, who you've already given a child! Jack! GET REAL! Look into a mirror, and yell/ask the question to yourself..."Am I Being Real With Myself!"? Once you get that all worked out, I'd work on a budget. You'll need that, trust you me. Secondly, I'd get a vasectomy. If you don't want any more kids, you'll need that. Trust you me, my friend. Thirdly, I'd not say anything to your ex. Let her find out naturally. She'll be upset, sure, but you have an excuse. Privacy. Tell her you didn't want to make it public because of your concerns over your privacy, and that you thought it better to let things happens the way they were supposed to. If that doesn't work, stuff a Twix in your mouth, and garbble an attempt at an explanation, while being hindered by the chocolatey wickedness tickling your palate. It should work like on the commercial.

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