What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
What to choose?
December 20th, 2002
Jacob writes:
My problem My birthday is coming up and my mom keeps pressuring me about where i want to have my party: the roller skating rink or the go-cart tracks. I just can't decide, please help me, im driving myself crazy.
 Trevor |
That, Jacob, is a dilly of a pickle. I think this may be the most crucial and relevant question we have received to date. Now I have put a fair bit of thought into this advice, and here's what I've come up with:
The roller rink is nice, because there will be more boy/girl interaction. If you're looking to meet a lady, there's nothing like putting your hands on her hips to teach her how to skate. The downside is that roller skating in a cirlce for more than 45 seconds is about as exciting as having porcupine quills slowly removed from your eyes. With the go cart track you are guaranteed a good time. Whipping around the track for a few laps is top notch fun. Plus the fumes are a cheap high. However it is really boy oriented, as most girls don't tend to like it as much. So basically it depends what you're after. The only thing is to make sure your mom makes up some loot bags to give out to the guests, and also to invite me. |
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 Steve |
I applaud you for choosing not to ask your friends what they want to do but asking us instead. For me, it's a no-brainer...go-carts all the way. If you do decide to go to the roller rink, count me out...otherwise, let me know where and when the go-carting is happening. |
 Paul |
The key factor in this decision is (I think) whether there will be girls at this party. When dealing with the interaction between girls and guys it is all about numbers. What I'm getting at is that when a big group of guys are around girls then tend to do things they regularly wouldn't do. This is important when dealing with go-karts or the roller rink. The difference between the two events is that go-karts is much more competitive (there is a clear winner even if you did get stuck with the "slow" kart).
For the go-karts the other guys at the party will do anything short of selling their soul to win the race in front of the girls. For the roller rink there might be a couple of guys that want to race or do laps. Losing this race might not be that great unless you want to be the "Roller Rink King". Leave the racing to the others while you generously "aid" the girls from falling (much bigger brownie points). In conclusion, if you are strong enough with your manlyhood and are willing to (potentially) lose to a girl then I advise the go-karts but if you measure your hand-eye coordination by your sniper accuracy in Quake III then I'd stick to the roller rink stud. |
 Chris |
I have a terrible story about a roller rink, as well as a Go-kart track birthday bonanza. Prepare for the story, as this will induce great dread.
May 17th, 1985 Location: Merivale Roller Rink Chris Saracino knocks out his crush's molar by karate kicking mid skate while holding her waist. She nails the rink hard, she cries, Chris is not only painfully embarrassed, but also realizes that it might be appropriate to give her back the Bon Jovi tape that she gave him. Parents show up, yell at Chris' dad, and a lawsuit almost happens. Chris' birthday is nillified. May 17th, 1987 Location: Thunderbird Go-karts Chris Saracino jostles around the track at top speed, faster than the rest of the pack, because Chris' dad politely asked the kart grunt to take the safety off of the birthday boy's kart. Kart grunt agrees, as a $20 tip is ushered in his face. Chris zips around at top speeds exceeding 60 km/h. Chris hits a tire blockade as he tries to negotiate a Pole Position worthy turn, flies out of the kart, and hits the arcade game known as Smash T.V. Chris breaks his wrist, as well as coming very close to puking. Begins to feel like crying, does...and then quickly loses all of his friends. *please note that Chris was wearing a Hypercolor T shirt as the entirety of this event unfolded, which in itself was embarrassing enough. Conclusion: DO NOT DO EITHER OF THESE THINGS. Suggestion: I.P. Looney's if it's still open. -c.diddy |
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