What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
First Time Kidnapper
March 13th, 2006
Chris D. writes:
I am secretly going through extensive plastic surgery and lots and lots of hair implants, to make myself look like the lead singer of the Setbacks. When the numerous, painfull procedures are completed, and the swelling has subsided, I plan on kidnapping the guy, and replacing him as frontman for this kick ass rawk band. I have examined all other avenues to becoming their lead singer, but I figure that starting up a tribute band, spending years performing, and then waiting for the guy to get kicked out of the band, and have them offer me his place, could only happen to a lucky bastard like Marky Mark. The only trouble is, that I haven't figured out what to do with the guy once I have kidnapped him. Do I "get rid of him"? Or maybe I could keep him around as a pseudo-clone slave. I can't decide. Does anyone have any suggestions? WWSD?
 Trevor |
Listen CHRIS! Do whatever you want with him, I really don't have any strong feelings either way. My only concern is that this switcheroo should not affect my gigantic royalty payments. I have become accustomed to a certain level of lifestyle, and could never go back to being poor again.
As a matter of fact, it is these very riches that have lead me to have no personal connection with our lead singer Stu, or Sam, or Slick, or whatever his name is. I have bought happiness thanks to the lucrative business of being in a rock band. |
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 Steve |
Sounds like my fate is sealed.
All I ask is that you adhere to the basic kidnapper's code of ethics (no back door shenanigans) and that you do your best to fill the gaping void that would be left in the band. Here's a quick list of things you need to keep in mind: 1. When Trevor says he's got something to show you and puts his hand over his groin, don't look! He'll just swing his hand open like a small door, revealing his dangling Johnson. We have yet to understand why he does this but the best way to make him stop is to ignore him. Try playing the opening riff to Tom Sawyer... Trevor is powerless against that song and won't be able to help himself from joining in and trying to play that lead part with the weird timing. 2. In an attempt to find a cure for smoking, Chris castrated himself and is now a eunuch. Making jokes around him about twigs, berries, or hot dogs is not recommended as it could cause him to regress into a deep depression. When Chris falls into this funk it is even more difficult than normal to get a hold of him. You've been warned. 3. Chet is a pathological liar. For example, he claims that he's never seen Titanic (bullshit) and that we never watched Powder together over a couple of Snapple drinks. Take everything he says with a grain of salt, especially if it's related to packing up gear. Just ask Chris... Chet claims that we have to pack up our instruments and amps for every show we play. How is that even possible? It isn't, that's how. Just remember these tidbits of advice and watch your back. You'll do fine. |
 Paul |
I think that this is a pretty easy one. As one of the great classic movies of our time, Face/Off, has shown us, it is pretty obvious what you must do. Sure half of the bonus of becomeing Steve is that you will be able to play with the Setbacks and be allowed to hang out with Trev, Chris and I. That in itself is very rewarding. The other side of the coin that you seem to be not thinking about is the fact that by taking his place in life you also aquire a wife. Depending on how anatomically correct your transformation is, Steve's wife might even ignore the fact that her "husband" is now Polish.
Good luck and welcome to the band. |
 Chris |
Awaiting wisdom...badda bing badda boom |