What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Fire supression techniques

February 9th, 2006

Zane Tripoli writes:

HELP! Ok, listen, I’ve got to make this quick: what’s the best way to put out a grease fire?!?!?!?! I tried water, and it only seems to have enraged the fire, splattering it all over. Oh, shit! The cupboard above the stove has caught fire! Fuck!

I am going to try covering it with the dishtowel, because without oxygen a fire cannot survive (it is the most basic of science)... oh man, that did not work at all! The dishtowel is on fire big time! I had better try to grab the towel, one corner is not burning. Maybe then I can throw that outside and take the hose to it...

DAMMIT did that ever hurt! I tried picking it up, but the fire quickly climbed the towel so I had to drop it, now I am stamping on it on the floor. That seems to be working, but the grease fire is still spreading!

SETBACKS, WHAT SHOULD I DO!?


Trevor		 Listen TRIPOLI! You may be tempted to call 911, but don't bother. Here's something Public Enemy wrote in 1990 that applies to your situation. (Lyrics reprinted without permission - Chuck D/Flava don't hate me!)

I call a cab 'cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that 'cause they flick you off like fleas
They be laughin' at ya while you're crawlin' on your knees
And to the strength so go the length
Thinkin' you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver

So get up, get, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Late 911 wears the late crown.

So true, so true. Basically I'd sell the house if I were you and start fresh elsewhere.

Steve		 Hi Zane,

Thanks for your running narrative on how to burn down your house. That was very entertaining.

To answer your question, the best way to put out a grease fire is to keep calm and wait it out. Fires can smell fear, so your best bet is to just play dead until the fire gets bored and moves on. This simple trick has saved me countless times.

Paul		 So you have decided to dance with the delicious art of cooking with grease. You really have opened yourself up to some really great options on food. You can take virtually any type of food and make it instantly mouth-wateringly delicious.

Bacon, zuccini, chicken, potatoes and green peppers. I call it my Pig-ken pepper-toes zuc stick. Awesome.

Chris		 Zane,

Quite the little predicament that you've gotten yourself into here, my friend.
Perhaps get some marshmallows and watch the magic, or maybe call your insurance company and get ready for the claim of claims. I'm convinced you'll suffer a catastrophic loss, because you are on the internet asking for a rock band's advice about a grease fire, that you're having a dilly of a pickle time handling.

I'm sorry, but that is the truth.

As for my advice...maybe...get out of the house. You're fucked.
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