What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

I'm Literally Trapped!

November 15th, 2005

Pinned in Pembroke writes:

Hello Setbacks,

First, I have to say you guys rock! I have never seen any of your shows or heard any of your songs, but I check the website every day for advice and general inspiration.

Anyway, I have had this problem for a while but have been too shy to ask anyone about it. It’s not a real serious problem compared to some of the people who write in, but if you could help me, I would really appreciate it.

You see, about 4 months ago I was rearranging furniture in my house. I don’t have a lot of friends and no real family, so I was trying to move a giant bookshelf by myself. I got lazy and tried to do it all at once, without removing any books. I own a lot of books, from books on greek philosophy to books on thermal mechanics. I love to read and used to spend about 6 hours a day reading.

Anyway, long story short, the bookshelf fell on me and pinned me to the carpet. I have one free hand, with which I have managed to reach my computer as well as some food and water. I have been forced to soil myself, and have yelled myself hoarse trying to call for help to no avail.

Bottom line: can you either send someone over to lift this shelf off me, or if you are too busy can you at least give me a good way to pass the time? I only have enough food left for two days and if you can't save me I'd like to at least die sane.


Trevor		 This is a message for my fellow bandmates and advice givers Steve, Chris, and Paul. In recent months, I have been harassing you all to keep up with the advice page. I do this because I do not want people who read this column to think we do not care.

When this person in need, Pinned in Pembroke, came to us with a very serious problem, I thought I could use it to teach you a lesson. He contacted us on November 15, claiming to have only two days to live. I decided I would not do anything to help him and see if any of you would extend a helping hand. I also decided I would not harass you guys to answer the advice. Soon I would find out if you truly care.

I was incredibly disappointed when the first advice answer came rolling in nearly two weeks later. A man has died because of your neglect. For shame. The death is on your heads. But I must accept some of the guilt for I made a decision, albeit a difficult one, to leave this man’s life in your hands when I knew full well none of you would save him. So let’s all try from now on to answer the advice in a timely manner.

My intense guilt for letting this man die to teach the Setbacks a lesson has inspired me to write a poem that can be read at his eulogy, if he is ever found:

A man lies dead beneath a bookshelf,
His body cold.
Take comfort in the books
Find solace in the volumes

Had they hands they could have offered help.
Had they ears they could have heard the yelp.
Had they eyes they could have seen the death.
Instead he has taken his last breath.

A man lies dead beneath a bookshelf,
His body cold.
His death is my death,
But it is also yours.

-Trevor Kealey, 2005



Steve		 Greetings "Pinned",

You rock too, bud. I have never met you or spoken to you but I can tell that you have your shit together, so to speak.

I have to apologize for the tardiness of my reply. I read your question back on the 16th just after you wrote to us, when there would have been ample time to arrange to send somebody over to help you. Unfortunately, I got side-tracked and some stuff happened and... here I am two weeks later. Boy do I feel like an ass now. Ain't life a bitch, eh?

I guess since you've most likely expired from dehydration and/or starvation then there's no real point in offering you advice to pass the time. What I will do though is offer you and our readers an anecdote which always raises my spirits when I'm down in the dumps (and perhaps trapped under a large piece of furniture):

"A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet."

Think about it.

Paul		 Awaiting wisdom...

Chris		 Hi Pinned in Pembrooke,

I, not anyone else in the band can help you, but I'll send over some food. What would you like?

I have a Georgie's Pizza flyer in front of me...hmmmm...let me see...what sounds good...

Do you like Shish Taouk? It's a shawarma I think..anyways it sounds good.
Pizza? Garlic bread? How about breadsticks?
There are so many delicious things to eat here...I dunno...hey....they offer steak sandwiches! That sounds good.

Anyways. The cab ride to drop your food off is going to be about $200.00. I'll have to ask you to go halfsies on this one, because that's a lot of money.

Let me know when to send the stuff over, and I need a phone number. Hope you don't live in an apartment building, because the guy will get pissed if you dont' come to the door.



Page: