What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Testiclar Madness

October 26th, 2005

Jerry Skippies writes:

Setbacks,

Long story short. I recently became sexual for the first time with my girlfriend, and she discovered, much to my horror and embarassing surprise, that I have 17 testicles in my bag.

Bottom Line.

This is hurting me in the getting laid department. I always thought I had a big sac, but my lady is telling me that it feels like there's 40 guys in the bed every time we get intimate.

Please help.

Trevor	Listen SKIPPIES! Congrats on becoming sexual for the first time. It pains me to hear about your self esteem issues, though. You need to first love yourself before you can love another. But don't worry, I can solve it. Get a full length mirror. Take off all your clothes. Stand there, stark naked, in front of the mirror and look especially at your santa bag, which I can only assume is where your eye would be drawn anyway. Stand there staring at it until you can accept it as beautiful. This can take days, so make sure to keep a 2L bottle of Evian, a bag of Cheetos, and a sandwich nearby. It will sustain you through this voyage of self discovery. Once you crack a smile, you and your grape-vine-in-a-silk-purse will be ready to take on the world. But don't touch your pouch after you've eaten cheetos, it'll turn the thing orange. That's not cool.
Steve	Sounds like your man bag is more than this girl can handle. You need to find someone who truly appreciates your fruit basket, regardless of how many potatoes are in it. P.S. How do you sit down? It must be difficult.
Paul	I just watched a movie the other day that hopefully might give you a more positive lookout on your situation. It was volume 3 of the S.S. Rubntug Series: Seamen Showers. It tells a story of a young first mate that has the same infliction that you have. From watching the movie, it seemed like the ladies didn't seem to mind. Actually, most of them threw themselves at him without much effort. There are ladies out there that will respect your situation and perhaps even enjoy it. You just have to find one that loves the frosting more than the cake.
Chris	I have to be honest with you. I think I am suffering from your condition, because I just found out that I'm having twins with my wife, and that has to certainly be related to extra balls in the sac of reproduction. Wouldn't you say? Besides the fact, I've never met a woman who didn't want to be in the sac with 40 guys. Tell your lady to stop whining and discover the joys of gangbangs. What a square! To be fair though, your situation is kind of gross. It's less about the way it feels, and more about the way it probably looks.

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