What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

e-First date

August 8th, 2005

Jessica writes:

I placed an ad in one of those online single sites. I got some hits and started corresponding through emails and phone calls with a guy. He wants to meet me face to face. I want to meet him, but this is essentially a blind date and I must admit that his email address (i_ram_ladies24x7_2000@hotmail.com) is sending me a bit of a bad vibe. Should I be concerned? Any pointers for the date?

Trevor	Listen JESSICA! Has it come to this? You've failed at meeting a dude in the real world so you've turned to the internet. Then you finally get a bite there, and are so desparate that you'll settle for quite possibly the creepiest guy on the internet (and that's saying something). There's obviously something fundamentally undateable about you. What type of deformity do you have? Most deformities can now be dealt with through plastic surgery or clever scarf wearing. I suggest signing up for a reality show like The Swan or Who Wants To Be Superficially Beautiful or whatever. Just tell them this sad sob story of yours and you'll be a guaranteed winner.
Steve	You should be concerned. I thought he'd given this up now that he's engaged, but I guess not. I need to warn you - this guy you've been corresponding with is our drummer Chris. He has a twisted obsession with surfing around sites like Lavalife and PerfectMatch and setting up face to face meetings with innocent girls he has no intention of having any relations with. When the girls show up at the planned meeting spot, Chris pops out of a bush wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and a pepperoni tied to his johnson. The trenchcoat quickly comes off and he starts screaming "I'm the king of Italy! I'm the king of Italy!", at which point the girls usually freak out and run off in the other direction. He's a twisted man and needs serious help. Stay away.
Paul	Since this advice column is a very personal place I've decided to tell a story that no one knows about me. Hopefully others will be able to learn from it. Back in my bachelor days I had been single for a while and couldn't seem to meet anyone. I had heard about Lavalife through my friends and decided to join up. Setting up the account, searching for hot ladies in my town, and sending them messages was all a whirlwind of fun. Long story short, I can officially say that this was the most depressing time in my life. Not only was I being shut down by the girls that I was meeting around town, I was getting turned down by the millions of ladies on Lavalife. I don't know where I went wrong. I posted a picture and wrote a couple things about myself. I even made some funny plays on words about where and what the girls would see on our dates. I'm not sure if there is any actual advice in this answer so my advice is for you to bring your pepper spray.
Chris	I will admit that I haven't even thought about The Setbacks advice page in about 3 months. I've been consumed with going over everything related to my own wedding, and the weddings and parties of my friends. Since I've returned, I'm not surprised to see that the ambush of my ethnicity is still, as Chuck D from Public Enemy would say, in full effect. Jessica, You need to ask yourself a few questions. Are you looking for a serious relationship? If you are, then it's likely that a man with a hotmail address like that may in fact be ramming ladies 24/7. If you are looking for as much hot sex as possible, then you might have found your match, although I question the sexual fortitude of any man who feels it neccessary to exclaim his prowess like that. It's like that time that Paul Townsend did speed dating and started his conversations with, " You'll see my sac, in the sac....You game?". Ask him. He's so used to having drinks spilled on his head, that he thought he was living in a waterpark for a while.

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