What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Revenge Of The Sith opens...and my patience lessens with Cineplex Odeon.

May 5th, 2005

Sean writes:

Hi,

You might remember me from 2003. I was the guy who had created a real life shuttlecraft, and stationed it in the front of Ottawa's Coliseum movie theater. I had a dilly of a time getting tickets with Cineplex Odeon, as they dismissed me as a nuisance.

I have now set up camp, anticipating the opening of Revenge Of The Sith, the new Star Wars movie coming out on May 19th, 2005. I have dressed the part of Anakin AND Obi Wan Kenobi, designing a suit that is an identical homage to both characters, split right down the middle. I've even grown half a beard, and dyed and cut my hair in the appropriate colors and styles. I have created a replica of the Sith Infiltrator that Darth Maul used, and have stationed it near the entrance of the movie theater. I've been there for about two weeks now, and have been kept company by my friend Jason, who is dressed as a custom character named Philco Fett, the long lost brother of Bobba Fett, the notorious bounty hunter from the later movies.

Cineplex has recently served me with a notice, similar to the one that they presented to me during the issue when I camped out for Star Trek Nemesis. They claim that my presence is making ticket purchase difficult, and that legally I am trespassing. I have refused to move, as I am customer before I am a fan of this theater, and feel that they have no right to ruin my tribute to the work of George Lucas, in anticipation of the century's best cinema experience.

Any suggestions how I can get them to get off my back? I am on the verge of unleashing the power of my lightsaber, and through my increasing anger...a result of the establishment's undying quest to vanquish all Jedi and piss me off, I am afraid that I might follow in Anakin's footsteps, and delve into the dark side of the force, perhaps never returning. Judging by what happened with Anakin, I don't want that to happen.

Trevor	Listen SEAN! Since you obviously didn’t follow my advice last time, I don’t know what I can do for you. I recommended a full personality makeover, because your actions at that time (and again this time) are unacceptable human social behaviour. And yet here you are in the exact same situation. I can only help you if you want to be helped. You need to realize that this is just a movie. There are an infinite number of things on this earth that can bring you more joy and fulfillment than sitting in a movie theater, eating stale, flavourless popcorn and that gross nacho cheese stuff that only theaters sell. Once you realize this, please let me know. Only then can The Setbacks help you.
Steve	Cut the crap Sean, I'm on to you. Your story has serious holes. Cineplex Odeon is not affiliated with the Coliseum in Ottawa; it is in fact a member of the Famous Players theater chain. It is obvious to me and the rest of the Setbacks that you are not lined up out front of the Coliseum, nor are you dressed up as Ana-Obe-wan-akin-kenobe. In fact, I don't think you'd even have the kit and kaboodles to stand up to those dipshit pimply-faced theater employees if they did get all up in your face like that. Look Sean - I respect you as a fellow diehard fan of the greatest sci-fi franchise in the world, but if you don't have the chicken and ribs to stand up for yourself when some punk-ass supervising manager tells you you're trespassing on his property then you're a disgrace to Mr. Lucas and everything his movies stand for. Think about the Rebel Alliance on the ice planet of Hoth in Episode V. My respect for Luke seriously dropped when those pansies took off as soon as they discovered that Imperial probe droid. What a bunch of damn weiners. You don't want to be a damn weiner, do you Sean?
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	You are weird. Plain put. Just strange. In the real world, it is reasonable for people running a business to be more than a little peeved when people like you make it hard for them to conduct what pays the bills. Try moving beyond your selfish desire to express yourself at the expense of other people's patience. I will guarantee a favorable reaction, and you will also get to enjoy your favorite movies at the same time, just like the rest of us, on planet earth. You might even get laid. May 12th, 2005 Amendment to this advice answer: Steve indicated to me that he was dissapointed with the quality of my adviec answer, and drew a comparison to the kind of "7th Heaven" advice that Paul Townsend used to give to obviously made up questions. I've included a revised answer to this question for everyone, on that doesn't side me with the theater, but with the nerd. NEW ADVICE: Sean, I liken this theater to the Empire. The Coliseum is the Death Star. You are Chewbacca, and I am Duke Skylighter, a new Jedi that I developed. Duke Skylighter is the twin brother of Luke Skywalker, but he can fly, and shoot beams out of his eyes that incinerate all Sith and all living creatures, and metal. He can also explode at any given time, only to come back together whenever he wants. He brandishes a lightsaber, but with 4 blades of energy, like the Mach 3 M3. His clothes and robes are fireproof, and he can turn into liquid form. The Jedi Council was so afraid of him, that they sent him to live on the planet Nebulax, which is a planet is the Star Wars universe that I developed on my own as well. What were we talking about here again...?

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