What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
The hungry Italian
April 13th, 2005
A desperate housewife
writes:
Dear Setbacks:
I am wondering if you could help me out of this pickle - I am just plain out of dinner ideas for my husband! He is of Italian heritage so I am sure you can appreciate the gravity of my situation. To that end, might you be able to share what exactly is in a rawk sandwich?
 Trevor |
Since I accepted Chris' Italian heritage a few months ago, I have learned quite a few things about that particular nationality. The eating habits of the Italian male can be very difficult to digest (hahaha) so rather than try to satisfy his unending hunger for home cooked pasta, focus more on trying to reduce his appetite.
Serve a glass of milk with his dinner. I don't know any Italians who can handle this. It will gross him out, and he will not be able to finish his canellonis. As for sandwich advice, I can tell you this: life is like a shit sandwich, because the more bread you got, the less shit you gotta eat. Think about it. |
|---|---|
 Steve |
Contrary to popular belief, the quickest way to Italian man's heart is not through countless layers of thick black chest hair, but through his stomach. While a hot dish of testosteroni is bound to get any Gino's neck and back hair in a wild frenzy, you should provide him with options from time to time. Instead of meat in a pasta pocket, try a knuckle sandwich. Instead of sprinking oregano on everything, try kicking him in the head. I know every Italian man could use a couple helpings of that from time to time.
Ah yes, and a rawk sandwich is me in bed with 1977 Debbie Harry on one side and "Little Queen" era Ann Wilson on the other. Delicioso! |
 Paul |
The best thing to do when cooking is to think of things that go well together like:
1) Chicken and Ribs 2) Fries and Gravy 3) Bacon and Eggs 4) Peanut sauce and anything (that stuff is delicious). |
 Chris |
Trevor Kealey everyone, Trevor Kealey...he's going to be at the central comedy club this weekend, and I'll suggest you try the steak.
Trevor claims to have accepted my Italian heritage, yet I know he still takes pleasure in questions like this, as it serves him a great opportunity to get a zinger in there whenever he can. The fact is, Trevor has accepted nothing, and I think he still harbours resentment towards all Italian Canadians because of the regular beatings in the back of Jeep Cherokees he got in high school, while his assailants pumped the best in Dance Mix 98' on their stereos. Trevor. Let's end this personal feud you have with all people with heritage from the boot. Italy was not responsible for the punches and kicks you received while going through your formative high school years. Italy, nor I, can take back the humiliating pummeling sessions you received from the ginos, and I can't erase the memories of sweaty mondetta t-shirts, Forza! Italia hats, and cowboy boots as the fists rained down on you. As much as people thought that it was your second name in high school, I do not think you are a "cake" or a "triscuit". You're my bud, and buds talk stuff through. As for your dilemma Ms. Housewife, I've consulted with Antonio Danza, better known to North American audiences as Tony Danza, everyone's favorite Italian. Please read below: Hi Everyone, I'm Tony Danza. 
The true way to an Italian's heart is to try a pinch of oregano in anything you prepare. Whether it's pasta primavera, or manicotti, Italians love da oregano. When I was on Who's The Boss, I really wanted to nail Alyssa Milano, and not that hundred year old Judith Light, who played Angela. She was gross. I quickly went from having paternal feelings about Alyssa, to suddenly having numbness in my shorts whenever she was around. The sweet smell of Milano was in the air on the set of the show, and soon the producers got wind of my desire to discover Alyssa's assets. Suddenly, the show was ended. I'm kind of glad, because they were developing a romance between me and Mona. Minqua! I now enjoy watching Charmed, and taking a peek at Alyssa's peaks on a regular basis. WHOA! Badda Bing Badda Boom! Ey oh, Oh Ey. As for a rawk sandwich, I dunno. I will tell you this though, I had a rawk sandwich in my pants whenever Alyssa Milano was around...more like a boulder sandwich in my pants....Ey Oh, Oh Ey. Oh! |
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