What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
Alcoholic Mother
February 15th, 2005
John McEnrose writes:
Hello Setbacks,
Long time reader, first time I have ever submitted advice to be answered by this band. I submitted advice to Canadian rock legends, SAGA, and they never replied, so I figured I'd try you guys.
Bottom line: My mother is an alcoholic. She is so bad, that I left my children to be babysat by her, and she forgot them at Place D'Orleans on Sunday. We found the kids okay, but she dissapeared until this afternoon. She called us from Casselman, Ontario, claiming to have downed a bad flask of Peach Schnapps, and complaining of a bad pain in her lower back, which we later established to be the incision wounds of her kidney extraction. She couldn't explain where her kidney went by the way.
Problems!
Help.
 Trevor |
Listen MCENROSE! This is the lady that raised you. The lady who passed you through her vagina and into this world, cared for you, and let you suckle at her teet until you became the man you are today. And now you are going to turn around and make her realize she's an alcoholic?
Who among us hasn't fogotten a kid or two at the mall? Who hasn't traded a kidney for a fifth of mouthwash for a cheap buzz? Who hasn't woke up in Cassleman unable to remember how we got there? I'll tell you who: NOBODY! We've all been there, and have the scars to prove it. Maybe you should try to live a little. Maybe it's time you and your mother spend some quality time together, boozing it up and hitchiking to Moose Creek or Kemptville to trade a spleen for some home made potato whiskey. |
|---|---|
 Steve |
One time I stopped in Casselman to get gas and had a bit of an odd conversation at the pumps with some elderly gentleman who I can only assume is from Casselman. It went like this:
Me: (pumping gas and minding my own business) Old man: (while looking at the "Litres" amount and thinking it was the price) 40.5! Tabernac that's a great deal! Me: (noticing his mistake and contemplating on whether I should bother correcting him...) I think that's the litres. Old man: I don't care if it's in metres... it's better than Laval! |
 Paul |
It is funny that you should bring up Saga.
Old Canadian bands, much like alcoholics, had a great time doing what they did 20 years ago. There were wild partys and women. It was cool to be a cheeze rock Canadian band (or an alcoholic). The only problem is that after a point how can you tell yourself that when you are partying with balding, 40 year old accountants that this is cool. Maybe you need to show your mother some comparisons. Ask her if she wants to end up in a tiny bar in Red Deer where people are screaming for you to play "On the Loose". Not a pretty picture. |
 Chris |
The only solution that I can see really working here, is an intervention. John, your mother is a raging alcoholic. That much is true, but I have a sneaking suspicion that her kidney absence might be related to something alltogether different, yet just as disturbing and potentially self destructive.
Your mother might be dealing with organ for money addiction. One catch here John, there aren't that many things that you can do without in exchange for cash. You might want to know that. If the realization of these factors and the intervention don't work, I would suggest sitting your mother down, and killing her until she dies with a hardware store hammer. Best of luck. |