What Would the Setbacks Do?
Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com
Halloween Problems
October 29th, 2004
Nicholas Puppy writes:
Hi Setbacks. Nice show last Saturday! I was the guy in the mosh pit who told your drummer that he gets an erection when he sees rock music. Sorry Chris! Just being funny, and I was wasted...
Listen.
little problem.
My girlfriend is on my ass about my Halloween costume. I am going as Cher.
I've been going as Cher since I was like....I don't know....12 years old. I really like her music, and I feel like it is the ultimate homage to my favorite singer. She is so beautiful, and it makes me feel good to know that I am honoring my favorite performer. Cher is classy, elegant, and sensational. I am now 37 years old, and my girlfriend of 7 years says that it makes our kids feel weird, and that it makes her feel weird. She doesn't understand why I am obsessed with this so much, and that it takes away from her ability to perceive me as the man's man I am when I am not dressed as Cher. I work on an oil rig, and that is one of the things she says she loves about me... my man's man way of doing things. She says that I look like an muscled out version of her, and that her family and our friends think it is weird. I am not a cross-dresser, nor ever have been. I only get dressed up on Halloween. If you're asking if I like it, don't bother. I LOVE DOING THIS. I love doing it so much, that if she can't understand how much this means to me, I'll leave her and our kids in the dirt faster than you can say, "Heart Of Stone".
 Trevor |
Listen PUPPY! Cher died in 1986, and has since been replaced by a robot which was originally run by Sonny Bono, right until his ski hill death. Cher-bot is now controlled by Reebok, and though they have resisted using her to straight up sell shoes, she has been dropping subtle hints all over the place. Whether it's a well timed zinger on Will and Grace, or that corporate logo tattoo on her ass, make no mistake that she is nothing more than a robot.
However, none of that information will help with your dilemna. Maybe put some blood on the cosutme so it's more Halloween'ish, and not just some dude in a dress freaking out his family. Also, sorry no one answered your advice in time for Halloween. Hope everything worked out well and you didn't have to run out on your family! |
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 Steve |
Dude - Cher sucks ass hard.
Have you ever seen Mermaids? Me neither - but I'm sure it sucks huge like a giant piece of suck. Have you ever seen Cher in concert? Me neither - but I'm sure she sucks royally like the Queen of Sucktopia. Have you ever met Cher? Me neither - but I'm sure she sucks more in person than you could possibly imagine. Head back to the oil rig and get a real costume next year. If you cut two eye-sized holes out of a standard bed sheet you place it over your genitalia and go as a ghost with warts. Now THAT is a man's costume. |
 Paul |
Awaiting wisdom... |
 Chris |
I think that your girlfriend is the one with the problem. She obviously can't appreciate the significance with, in my opinion, your amazing fascination with Cher. I happen to LOVE Barbara Streisand. I often enjoy dressing up and doing the lines from Yentl or All The Love I Have To Give. Barbara's amazing and stupendous talent more often than not gets ignored by the guys.
I say, if your stupid kids and your stupid wife can't understand your healthy appreciation of one of America's greatest divas, drop them like a bag of anvils, and get the hell outta dodge to the closest drag club you can get to, and begin your new life a la To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar. |