What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Release my Son from Satan's Grip!

October 19th, 2004

Jebediah Blagenstein writes:

I wouldn't normally seek out advice from a rock band, since they're the spawn of Satan himself, but my insolent son refuses to listen to me. However, he does respect your kind of people and might be inclined to listen to what you have to say.

My son is 14 and has never partaken in the very evil tradition known as the celebration of Halloween. No Christian should partake in the activities of this holiday, nor should they allow their children to do so. This year my son has insisted he wants to attend a supervised afternoon school dance dressed as "Raggedy Andy". I can only assume this is some puppet of the Devil.

At this party it is likely that children will be dressed as witches, goblins, ghosts, little devils and fortune tellers. All these are representatives of Satan's kingdom. Games played at carnivals promote fear in children as they are ushered through spook houses and horror rooms. Skeletons, black cats and bats represent death and darkness. No carnival is complete without the gypsy who tells fortunes. Satan has gained man's approval to celebrate his day by simply making it a tradition that seems like a fun day.

The opposite is true, however, as more damage and harm are done on this day each year than any other holiday. Children are taught to go door to door chanting "trick or treat." It is unchristian to demand a gift under threat of playing some trick!

I would be disgraced if any of my fellow parishoners learned of my son's evil intentions. How can I convince him to lead an honest Christian lifestyle and turn his back on the dark side?

-Jeb

Trevor	Listen BLAGENSTEIN! I think you have just answered your own question. Your passionate speech has really touched me. Give this speech to you child, and he too will be saved. I have regularly participated in Halloween festivities, and have not considered the damage I am doing to my soul. I have also realized the damage I do in my everyday life as well. Recently I have been using a lot of swears, and have been indulging in a lot of libations. Well no more! I shall now reject all that is evil in this world and follow a truer path, one which will lead me to a more good and nice soul. From now on, no more of the deadly sins. No more Pride, Envy, Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Anger, or Lust. I will now contact our webmaster and tell him to take down all bragging comments from our site, as well as stop forcing people to pay for our music. And I will change the lyrics and melodies. I have a lot of work to do. Mark this day as the day upon which I have been saved!!! Thank you BLAGENSTEIN!
Steve	Hello Jeb - your question about Halloween has got me thinking about stuff that's spooky, evil and related to his lordship Beelzebub. I got a flyer on my windshield the other day from a cult of unholy young girls who have sold their souls to Satan in an attempt to fully worship the music of the Setbacks. As far as I can tell they don't sacrifice virgins or farm animals, but they do take great pride their full-back pentagram tattoos and in shaving the image of our drummer Chris' face into their nether regions. While I must confess I do find this mildly flattering, it has made me a little skiddish around black pussies... erm... I mean, cats... and teenage girls with full-back pentagram tattoos.
Paul	I am going to dress up as Tootie from The Facts of Life this year. I went as Jo last year but I kept on getting told I wasn't butch enough.
Chris	I think you might have to kick it up a notch in order to scare your son into realizing that Halloween is in fact the deliciously evil celebratory wishes of Lord Satan himself. You weak Christians think you are so righteous, but in reality you are very simple minded. First of all, I must say, I don't think you have a chance in HELL of making your simpleton child veer away from the unholy fun that is Halloween. His royal darkness designed the holiday like that in order to GET human children into it in the first place. FYI, Halloween is a selection process of sorts to determine who is best suited to become the living breathing Anti-Christ. Millions of candies, costumes, and loads of fun are what makes Halloween irressitible, especially to children. If you want me to talk to your kid, I'd be glad to, although maybe I should tell you that I really really really love The Overlord of The Underworld, SATAN. The moment I set eyes on your kid, I'm going to convert him faster than Annakin Skywalker. The fact that you are fueled by the power of the good only makes you blow chunks. Kids naturally know that being evil and worshipping Satan gets you candies, toys, and when you get older, some fine ass nymphomaniac bitches who will worship the dark emperor with them, and wear bikinis with pentagrams on the crotch. Good luck churchie!

Page: