What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

You Made Me A Father You Assholes!

October 13th, 2004

Robert Lunchables writes:

You bastards,

My girlfriend Lorraine went to your show on Saturday, and has since become pregnant with a child. I had my bun kittens blown off in a hot air balloon accident, and all my friends know this. They all think that she messed around, and we are now the laughing stock of my circle of buddies. WTF!
Is this something intentional? Do you think that randomly impregnating women is acceptable in today's society?

I'm fucked!

R.L.


Trevor		 Listen LUNCHABLES! Your buddies think it's funny that your girlfriend is pregnant? These people are not your friends!

But getting to your problem, the Setbacks would like to apologize for that. I did warn the ladies to step back from the stage, especially if they were ovulating, but they also knew the risk coming into the show.

I'm just going to warn you: the child will not be like other children. Because it was conceived using sonic rock and roll sound waves, this baby will have 4 heads, one for each of the setbacks. But don't worry, eventually what will happen is that the strongest head will win out, and the others will die, wilt, and then fall off. For a while the child will suffer from "ghost limb". This is where he or she compensates for the heads that have gone missing, such as buying four similar hats at once.

Also, this kid will rock like fuck. You'll need to get him or her hooked up with other children sonically conceived at a Setbacks show, and they will form an incredible band, that will rock harder than the setbacks.

Steve		 Sorry dude... did you say "Lorraine"?

I was messin' in the dressin' room with a Lori and a Laura, but maybe one of them was a Lorraine... geez, shit man - she told me she wasn't seeing anybody!! Crap, this is terrible timing... Hey, can I hit you up for a small favour Robert? I can't have a kid now. Do you mind raising it?

Paul		 Are you complaining that we have given life your bun-kittenless existance. You may now pass on all of your hot air balloon safety tips to your child.

I figure that least you can do is name the child either Paul or Trevina.

Chris		 That was Trevor. He definetely don't shoot no blanks!
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