Chris' Open Letter To Donald Trump
Star of NBC's "THE APPRENTICE"

April 17th, 2004

Trump Industries
67 Trump Avenue
Palo Alto
California
U.S.A.
90874


Dear Mr. Trump,

I caught the last episode of The Apprentice last night, and just wanted to share some thoughts that I had. First of all, I think you hired the right guy in Bill. He is a nice guy. Kwame was a giant dickhead. Everyone knows that you don't choose to be on a team with Ponderosa because she was difficult and a pain in the ass and everyone hated her. Kwame was also too laid back, as was said by his own team. You want a guy like that running your company? He's asleep half the time. If you have a Sleep Country or Mattress Mart location that needs a manager, he'd be right at home. Kwame is also useless to the max, and it is beyond me how he even got to the final. I liked Troy, but everyone knows that Troy has sex with his own family. I'm pretty sure that Troy was having sex with Kwame as well.
All in all, I enjoyed the show, and hope to see you doing this format again. Humiliating defeats, and getting fired for a job you never had in the first place is hilarious and entertaining!
I would like to say however, I think that you are becoming a little overexposed. Some points to take into account as you reach the threshold that has only been visited by the likes of a few, such as the Bennifer phenomenon, and the gay dude from Will & Grace....
You have ridiculous hair and with all of your billions, you buy THE worst suits I have ever seen. Now I'm no expert, as I have one suit that I bought at Zellers, but pink ties were out in 1987, and white shirts are for people living in retirement communities.

Best,

Chris Saracino