Chris' letter to TBS

March 23rd, 2004

Attention: Ted Turner
Turnder Broadcasting System
A Time Warner Company
1125 Simcoe Blvd.
Atlanta, Georgia
U.S.A.
90585

Hi Man,

I'd just like to say that I love TBS. You guys play some great movies like "Weird Science", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", and the seminal 80's pop culture hit, "Pretty In Pink". I love this.
What I don't love is "Dinner & A Movie" and the extreme gaylord who hosts that show. I also don't like the fact that you play some of the worst films about 30 times a day, including "Mrs. Winterborne" with Ricky Lake, and "Steel Magnolias". These suck dick.
I do like the loyalty to when Steven Segal was awesome, and the fact that you play "Above The Law", "Hard To Kill", and "Out For Justice" a lot, but the movies where he packed on 100 lbs. all sucked. Pretty well everything after "Under Siege". BTW...play that more often as well.
I must re-iterate the extreme gay nature of Dinner & A Movie. The premise is sound, but the host is akin to a Denny's Meat Lover's skillet. Made for sausage consumption.
I like Ripley's Believe It Or Not, but Dean Cain = extreme gaylord.
Movies For Guys Who Like Movies is awesome, and this should be the pinpoint of the whole programming schedule. This is what brings the crowds. Blade is coming up, and I have set aside a viewing night for this.
My main concern is the length of your commercial periods. They are way too long. I can re-enact the entire scene from Ghost where Demi and Patrick Swayze make that gay pot on the pottery wheel in the time it takes for your station to take a commercial break. If I see another piece for fucking Rent-A-Center, I will die. John Madden sucks. Also, the Atlanta Braves commercials eat dick. I know you own the team, but come on man.
I love Seinfeld, and I love Friends. Continue playing those. They are awesome.

Best,

Chris Saracino