Celebrity Relief Encounters

July 14th, 2004

I recently received this story from a friend of mine we'll call Mike H., actually that's too obvious, instead I'll call him M. Hollingworth. Anyway, I just felt this story needed sharing.

It has been nearly a year and half since we gathered at Stout Brothers that
fateful night when Trevor had what can only be described as a life changing
experience, Bobby Hull urinated beside him. Although my celebrity's stature
is no where near that of Trevor's I feel that the overall circumstances
warranted this being passed on to those who can appreciate it the most.

I often frequent the public gym at the Sportsplex for a lunchtime stress
relief. Heading towards the one urinal crowded up against the one stall I
noticed the latter was occupied. As I stood and relieved myself my eyes
wandered to the floor and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that the
stall's occupant was not wearing any shoes but instead was socked feet.
This was not the only oddity, as being socked footed in a public washroom
is a risk on the best of days, but his toes were curled up and his heels
not touching the floor. Now either this was some midget whose feet were
dangling or this same sock footed man I at first believe was unhygenic, was
now hovered over the porcelain to avoid skin to seat contact. And that was
when the noises began.

This man clearly had just finished off some form of mexican food or possibly a poutine as the viscous nature of the sound could suggest no other. I was disgusted and looked around for other patrons to share in the disgust and pass a wry smile of amusement. As I was washing my hands the door to stall crept open; at last my mystery hoverer or midget (I was still quite hoping for the this) would be unveiled and I could make a mental image to stay away from this gastronomic wonder during my workout.

The man in question, the Ottawa Tech Mogul himself Michael Cowpland. I know
you all anticipated more but think of this, the former richest man in
Ottawa dropped a wet size 10, 2 feet away from me.

My life now has new meaning, Michael Cowpland hovers.


There you have it, word for word the tale sent to me.

-tk