The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	Listen LUNCHABLES! Your buddies think it's funny that your girlfriend is pregnant? These people are not your friends! But getting to your problem, the Setbacks would like to apologize for that. I did warn the ladies to step back from the stage, especially if they were ovulating, but they also knew the risk coming into the show. I'm just going to warn you: the child will not be like other children. Because it was conceived using sonic rock and roll sound waves, this baby will have 4 heads, one for each of the setbacks. But don't worry, eventually what will happen is that the strongest head will win out, and the others will die, wilt, and then fall off. For a while the child will suffer from "ghost limb". This is where he or she compensates for the heads that have gone missing, such as buying four similar hats at once. Also, this kid will rock like fuck. You'll need to get him or her hooked up with other children sonically conceived at a Setbacks show, and they will form an incredible band, that will rock harder than the setbacks.
Steve	Sorry dude... did you say "Lorraine"? I was messin' in the dressin' room with a Lori and a Laura, but maybe one of them was a Lorraine... geez, shit man - she told me she wasn't seeing anybody!! Crap, this is terrible timing... Hey, can I hit you up for a small favour Robert? I can't have a kid now. Do you mind raising it?
Paul	Are you complaining that we have given life your bun-kittenless existance. You may now pass on all of your hot air balloon safety tips to your child. I figure that least you can do is name the child either Paul or Trevina.
Chris	That was Trevor. He definetely don't shoot no blanks!

Trevor	Listen PANCAKES! There is too much negativity in this world. I for one am looking to put an end to this through my new idea. It is a "friend club". Once we are all pals, the world will again be an awesome place! I am going to invite both you and the writer in question to join me for this particular friends club. It will be called "Buds and Suds". I have not yet decided if we should meet and have beers or do laundry. I will be starting many different friends clubs with different people. Here are some other friend clubs I'm working on: Mates and Skates (for an awesome time on the canal!) Pals and Decals (what's better than working on your sticker book with a pal!?) Cronies and Ponies (ridin' and being friends!) Chums and Rums (drinkin' chums are chums forever!) Comrades and Gonads (i don't really know what we'll do at this one yet)
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine. Not me. Someone else. My friend read this article that you are speaking of. He had also read many other articles about various ways of "pleasing your partner" because he felt limited by the missionary position in the dark. Reading all these articles were very overwhelming to him since he had never actually gone "down there" before. This article was the final straw. He decided that he was going to do it. So, the next time that he had a couple drinks and was going to be intimate with his girlfriend he decided to leave the lights on and check things out. The next part of the story is a little hazy in my opinion but this is the way that he described it. With his eyes closed he made his way between his girlfriends legs. Upon opening his eyes, what did he see? Mick Jagger's face!! This has left him permanently scarred. He hasn't had sex with his girlfriend in weeks.
Chris	Hey Edwin, I am familiar with the article that you are referring to. Funny enough, it just came out this morning, so you must have have some fancy connections. Awesome. Anyways, I'll have to disagree with you here. All of us in The Setbacks for that matter, myself, Steve Palmer, Trevor Kealey, and Paul Townsend will disagree with you on this one. You see, as a band, one of the first things we did was decide that it was essential for us to come together both physically and spiritually as a unit in order to execute all mortals who attend our rock concerts. Trevor and Paul suggested organized games of Yahtzee and Balderdash, and Steve suggested watching movies together and playing monopoly. I suggested having sexual intercourse with one another. Now I know you don't know a lot about us, and to be honest with you, we are all happily involved with people (as a matter of fact, Trevor recently got married and had his first child), but this at first awkward experience has created arguably the wickedest band in the world. Once everyone got over the seeing each other naked and touching and kissing each other thing, it was a "pan" cakewalk. Simply put, this has been a relationship builder, and frankly, I've personally found this particular writer's statements to be true. Now, The Setbacks will frolic at any given moment, and we like it like that. You know why? Because it works for us. Maybe you should ask your wife if she wants you to examine her genitals like the Dewey Decimal System, and see what happens. I can almost 99% guarantee that it will change things, and Edwin, I think it will be for the best.
	Hey Flatcakes, You may be dignified and old but you need a good ass kicking. To appeal to your sensibilities and high class disposition and affiliations with (your business trip to) France, I draw your attention to authors James Joyce and Henry Miller. Both, I'm sure you'd agree, are highly acclaimed authors and I guarantee, names you likely bandy about favourably at dinner parties when you link your excursions in France with those escapades of other literary notables. That's right Asscakes, riding on the coattails of someone else again. In fact, isn't the only reason you're appearing on the famous Setbacks site because of me? It's all about me. And The Setbacks. It's about me being horny *for* The Setbacks. And their wives. But not their baby. That would be indecent. But listen you Aunt Jemima-affiliate, if you are half the educated intellect you present yourself to be, then I will assume that you have read Joyce's "Ulysses" or Miller's "Tropic of Cancer". In the former, perhaps you'll recall the Nighttown scene--beautifully and accurately depicted in a new "Ulysses" movie adaptation, I might add, called "Bloom", and currently being shopped around for major distribution; a film yours truly had the privilege of seeing at the Canadian premiere showing and played witness to audience members leaving at the most pornographic parts. Pattycakes, perhaps you were one of those exiting prudes?--in that scene, anyways, we get a Dominatrix commanding Leopold Bloom to drink her pee and lick her boots. Except I think she is a he. In Henry Miller novels, we read about lovers pulling bed bugs out of each other's hair. Precisely the crude depiction of sexual exchanges, intimate exchanges, which you, Bumcakes find lewd and the very kind of crassness you seem to associate with my writing. However, those sexy tidbits are of course the pearls, the jewels as it were, in a larger treasure box of properly crafted art and inspiration called - THE CONTEXT. Oh! Kind of like my fucking columns you dipshit. You are clearly unaware of my brilliance. You should do a google search on "sylvie hill" and it will take you to places as far and wide as the gap between your two ears and will prove my intelligence and substantiate my sex talk. You're like those red neck cops in the 1969 movie, "Vanishing Point". You remember it? If not, either rent a copy or buy Primal Scream's album by the same name. It's about a dude named Kowalski whose only crime is driving a slick Dodge Charger, too fast, across the desert on an errand. Guided by the voice of an African American blind radio dj, Kowalski tries to deek his way through towns and stupid cops to get to his destination, but you know what happens in the end, don't you? Think Easy Rider! The Setbacks are like my homeboy black posse radio dj's, man, navigating my one track mind through the conservative and judgmental landscape against fartfaces like you. Are you saying you want me to die in the end, like Kowalski? Dude, the only set of wheels I got belong on my Matt Pailes Think deck. And I'm gonna ride my maple over to your place and kick your ass. Right about now, Pancakes, you may be shouting: "Sylvie Hill! Get that *CENSORED* your ex bought you for Christmas last year out of your *CENSORED* and fess up that you are neither legend or law and your vulgar depiction or pose of sexual freedom is nothing but a lack of discipline and perhaps, social grace." Think of it this way, Fruitcakes, what appears most inappropriate sometimes is often the most necessary in that it reveals to us what limits we set against situations and things that repel. It's all about learning. Through this we've learned you're one of those guys that talks sex all fancy schmancy and is not interested in dramatic display. Yeah, you remind me on an old boyfriend from uni who was the same way. He had a porn problem and imposed a Victorian-Whore mandate for his chix. Funny, I don't. Although, due to the opposites attract thing, most my lovers except Christmas-dildo dude are quite the reserved gentlemen. But that's another story, Hammy. No worries, Ratcakes, that whole secret fetish you've got going on with the boys at work I won't tell your wife about. Did I tell you I was banging your wife? Sincerely, Sylvie Hill

Trevor	Listen TONY, you are in trouble. You need to search the internet and find an online doctor, not a rock band with an advice column. That being said, here's my advice anyway: go to Loblaws. go to the Deli section. take a number. ask the pimply teen behind the counter for 300 grams of macaroni and cheese loaf. note how the slicer can cut meat so delicously thin. get one of those and slice the growth of your back. bring me the macaroni and cheese loaf because I'm all out.
Steve	Try gouging your girlfiend's eyes out... that'll buy you sometime until you find a way to chew it off.
Paul	Holy crap. I just almost puked after reading that. Please for the love of god. Get that thing removed. A bowie knife and a bottle of Jack Daniels is all you need. Damn. It is going to take a long time to get rid of the mental picture I have of your pepperoni with extra cheese you have on your shoulder.
Chris	I think that you are the angel Gabriel. You have been in human form for a long time, and your wings are beginning to sprout again. This is both a great and good thing, and I think that it is awesome that you are reppin' heaven on earth.

Trevor	Listen DEGUSSA! Every new job comes with new challenges. So quit your whining. There is a simple solution to all of this. You need to make the coat room a bit more comfortable for you. Add a touch from home, something that reminds you of happy and awesome times. I'm sure you'll soon find others have done the same thing. Try bringing in a portable stereo, pump up Caribean Queen by Billy Ocean, light some of those nice scented candles, maybe sage or oatmeal. Anything that will make this place nice for you. Quicker than you can say Masochism you'll be lovin' your way to the top at your new office! P.S. There are stirrups in gynecologists offices. It seems to me like a very vulnerable position. Try to stay out of there until you are more comfortable with your work buddies. Also, now that Steve has mentioned it, Chris has been smelling strongly of A535 recently.
Steve	This sounds suspiciously like it came from our brother in arms, Chris Luigi Saracino I, who just started at a new job this week. Let's not beat around the bush Chris, be honest like a man and admit you wrote this. Chris, this is indeed a dilly of a pickle. Making a good impression like a man with your new boss is absolutely essential to ensuring your temporary contract gets extended into a full time gig. While leather, chains, and butt plugs might not be commonplace in the outside world, like a man it sounds like your best bet to climb the ladder in this organization is to just go with the flow and take it like a man. And like a man, if you have any allergies to latex and A535 you should let your boss know immediately. There's lots of healty alternatives- like dish gloves and BenGay. No worries bro!
Paul	Damn. Our coat room only has coats.
Chris	Man I don't know about your work, but I will tell you this... Having A535 in your ass with a butt plus is exteremely crazy! It's like a rock concert in your colon! ahem...speaking of rock concerts, come to our cd release on Rocktober 9th, 2004 at the Dominion Tavern.

Trevor	First off I'd like to apologize for my bandmates' answers. It's so easy to just assume every question is about sex. So I am going to assume you are looking for an escort of sorts, just someone to go to the wedding with, since the love of your life is just moving, not disappearing forever. The easiest way to find a dude who won't cost an arm and a leg is to go trolling downtown for a homeless guy. Offer a shave, shower, and a meal and he'll go with you for sure. Try to stay away from dudes who are talking to themselves, or screamers. The good ones are the ones with dogs. Another option: Chris is Italian, and Italians love weddings. Take him!
Steve	This question reminds of that sleeper box office hit "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Sure, I've never seen the movie but I think that we can all learn something from it. It doesn't matter if you're big, fat or Greek - anybody can find true love and get married. I'm sure you'll find somebody who accepts you for who you are and doesn't treat you any differntly because of your rich Mediterranean heritage. Oh yeah, how were the Olympics?
Paul	Have you ever been to a wedding?!? This is one of the best places to get some tail. Everyone, guys and girls, are looking to score. Weddings have that effect on people. All the single people see how happy the married couple is and, just for that night, will do anything or anyone to feel that happy. Emotions are running high and there is usually tons of alcohol going around. My suggestion is to bring someone that knows that you will be ditching them if you find someone else very hot.
Chris	Well. I suggest you check out the Adult Super Fun Store on Rideau Street. I very unwisely went in there on the weekend, looking for some movie, which I am assuming went straight to video, called Soccer Boy or Soccer Boys, or something or rather...whatever. Anyways. Bottom line. I think I saw something in there that might be what you were looking for. I believe it was manufactured by Awesome Good Toys, and it had a MSRP of about $299.99. It looked really cool. It even came with some tools that you could use "after" the wedding, back in the hotel room, when you begin playing some Luba and prancing around in your Joe Boxers. Good Times, Awesome Times. P.S. I just read Paul's answer, and man....that is super true about the wedding thing.

Trevor	Listen PITA! It is pretty clear here that you are a homosexual. Get into therapy to help you get through this difficult time of transition in order to accept your new lifestyle. Now to the real issue here: our readers will likely want to know what 'marquee' Canadian rock act you are in. There are several hints that keen people such as myself (I consider myself somewhat of a mystery buff) would pick up on. You are from Toronto, and you have been in the band for 3 years (since you were 25). From these clues I have narrowed your identity down to one of two people: you are either Col. Mustard with the Lead Pipe in the Library, or Alex Lifeson from Rush. Mystery solved (that will be my catch phrase when my brother and I start solving crimes full time).
Steve	Dave, you need to come to grips with the fact that you are hopelessly impotent. That's right - start singing the Sinatra classic "My Way" (or even Queen's "We Are the Champions") and dance on down to the local drug store to get some artificial boner pills. That's the medical name though - when you ask the pharmacist refer to them by their commercial product name: Tic Tacs. This will solve all your performance anxiety problems. Golden.
Paul	Your first time can be a little overwhelming expecially when it is with a seasoned groupie that has almost whittled away their bedpost with notches from "rock stars" like yourself. Start by tossing a girl's salad or flipping her burgers and slowly make your way up to the dirty sanchez. If you are still have problems with your limp noodle.... I suggest switching to easy listening. Nobody who listens to Magic 100 gets laid.....EVER.
Chris	Your dilemma is a unique thing in this tilt-a-whirl called rock'n'roll. You play guitar and look like Peter Frampton, and the reality is that women throw themselves at you with nothing but carnal sweaty mindless sex. Theses are pedigree women too, because the truth is this. Hot women, like stripper/porn star hot come to rock shows and attempt to get into the pants of rock stars. I just finished reading Gene Simmons autobiography, and granted, Gene Simmons was indiscriminate with ladies (he even admits to sleeping with anything with all limbs), but he's had some extremely hot women. Have you seen what he looks like? For that matter, Ace Frehly also scored like Gretzky at the blue line with the opposite sex, and he is about twice as unattractive, and he has no appendage. My point is this, chicks like this scare the pants off of guys. You've probably spent your entire life beating off to images of women like this in your bed, that when you finally luck into the opportunity to actually be playing with some of these playmate calibre ladies, you are probably wigging out and having a sexual seizure of sorts. This is where you will begin heeding my advice....right at this point, and think about what I am going to say here: You can sleep with these amazing hot and fine ladies, or you can go back to chasing skirt and working hard for the attention like when you were playing clubs, spending lonely nights clutching copies of Swank and Club International with mounds of astroglide and Kleenex in your hands, or secretly shopping at Adult Fun Superstores for your weekly fix of stroke vids....ahem.....so you better....oh man....this is all too sad.... Dammit Pita. You best start using that Johnson of yours. What the hell is wrong with you? You have a responsibility to all men to begin living this dream. If you can't do this, what the hell are you playing in a band for? Come on man.

Trevor	Listen TRODVOR 2000! Halifax is a beautiful city that is meant to be enjoyed for all that comes with it. You don't go to a new place and attempt to enforce your way of living into it, you immerse yourself in its culture and learn from it. You will become a better person this way. So don't shave for a few days, get a sou'wester and some wellies, head down to the dock, and befriend some local fishermen. Get a job on a fishing rig and spend a week on the open sea, trapping and working the boat. Let some of the salty sea air pale and toughen your skin. Learn to enjoy the smells, the tastes, and the nightly man on man love sessions. Either that or open your eyes to the wonderful rock and roll history that is around you by sleeping in Clayton Park while humming French Inhale.
Steve	Thanks for the question, Trodvor. I think I might be in the best position to answer this question as I just returned from a two week romp through my homeland province of Nova Scotia. While there, I learned several things such as: how to recognize clans by their tartans, what a lobster is, how tides work, and how to rock a province. Basically, what you need to do is climb into the tower of the citadel and mount a large speaker in the bell. Then, pull out your copy of Starship's "Knee Deep in the Hoopla" and crank the first track: "We Built This City". Immediately you'll start to see what appears to be fireworks, but these are actually bagpipers and Celtic musicians being pulled from the surface of the earth and destroyed by rock in mid-air. Do not be afraid... this is a cleansing process. After about 3 minutes, when the popping slows down to one pop every 2-3 seconds, you can turn off Starship and return to a newly rockified city. Aces!
Paul	I don't think there is anything wrong with Nova Scotia. I think the bigger problem is the fact that you think "rockin' it out" is buttless chaps at the harbour. Rock n' roll is ment to be done in a dank bar where there isn't much light. You'll know when you are doing it right when the walls are sweating and your ears are ringing. Keep the Peavey. Lose the chaps (unless they have tassles).
Chris	Nova Scotia is one of those crazy provinces where anything can happen and everything can happen. Sloan and Thrush Hermit are from there, but so are Great Big Sea and Crush. It's difficult to say whether this province has it together, and furthermore, it is equally as difficult to gauge how to make them make the full transition to 100% coolness. I was readng Steve's answer, and liked it. I don't know if I would choose Starship, but I would however choose HELIX or SVEN GALI, no doubt Canada's best rock bands. I would then proceed to go up the citadel tower and blast the music all over the land. I'm pretty sure everyone would emerge from their drinking holes and fishing boats, and become one with the searing sounds of such amazing hits as "Rock You" and "Under The Influence". You can also try some Teenagehead, preferably the song "Disgusteen", and see what happens. Now I have to warn you, this could go either way. They may begin freaking out and dancing and getting into it, or they could begin chanting for The Rankins. It's a gamble Trodvor, but hopefully one that you can make pay off for the people over there. Before I finish my advice, I will however tell you this. The East Coast has a lot of hot chicks, like, almost as good as the entire province of nymphomaniacs known as Quebec. 80% of the women in the Eastern provinces are way hot. Some side advice, go to a bar, and tell them that you are a hockey player. They will probably believe you and you will guaranteed come home with a wife who is maximum hot with some royal tats....and you know what? THAT is aces.

Trevor	Listen PRETZELS! You need to find out more information than that. He says his seed makers creep out of sight when he's aroused? You need to find out if they still work. Because if you are having the sex, I am going to assume it is for reasons of procreation. If the twins don't do their duty, then you need to find another man more suitable for impregnating you. Also, there are other ways to have the sex. Ways that would not let his flippity floppity ball sac touch you. There are books that can show you new ways to have the sex. You should check them. But only if you are intending to have children with him.
Steve	This is Darwinism in action... your boyfriend is of a higher evolved species that has discovered a defensive technique to protect man's most vulnerable Achilles heel (other than the heel) ...the balls! A man who could receive a swift kick to the balls and keep on moving would be indestructable... you'd need some kind of silver bullet to kill this guy! Wow!
Paul	Now this is just silly. You can't go around without balls in your sack. I suggest that you get him some kind of "sack-ring" to hold his nuts down. Tie it around the top of the sack to keep the little buddies in the bottom, then make out with him and see what happens. After doing this a while the dynamic duo should be used to hangin' low. Good luck.
Chris	I am both horrified and terrified by your boyfriend's amphibious tendencies. Anytime anyone can hide essential parts of the male anatomy, it can be both gross and terrible. You obviously cannot live with his ability, and frankly I don't blame you. Having a flap of skin banging against the outskirts of my no man's land is a bad thought. I find it especially unfortunate that you did the squeeze test and he just moaned. His vas deferens are in there, and they should at least induce some pain if squeezed. This is leading me to believe that he really has nothing in there, OR that EVERYTHING creeps up into his abdomen at certain times/all times. I feel very strongly that you should just ask him straight up, Paula Abdul style, WTF is going on with his absence sac. This way, if he immediately says he has no balls, and for that matter, no tubes, snakes, and the other amazing technology that is supposed to be in there, then you can come to the conclusion that he is an android, because androids have no balls.

Trevor	Listen GORMAN! You need to take advantage of this new found spare time to improve yourself. Don't sit around wallowing in your own self pity, get out and learn some damn things. I suggest some grammar schooling, because you severely lack in the wordsmithing skillz. I once was fired from a plum sweet job at a gas station. It got paved over, and I found myself out of work. Did I complain? No, I went back to school so I could relearn all the things that years of inhaling diesel fuel fumes had made me forget. Awesome things such as Mathematics. Mathematics is one of the mad ridiculous skillz that no one should be short of. So get your ass to the continuing education centre and intelligize yourself! Improve your skillz!!!
Steve	Dottie - I'm thinking that with the experience you've gained at the casino and your masterful knowledge of the English language you're ready to go out on your own as a freelancer. That's right, I'm talking about a 3-card monty table in the market. This is a quick and easy way to make a lot of money with zero start-up costs. All you need is a deck of cards... not even a deck, just 4 cards will do. Dealing monty is a piece of cake but you need majorly quick hands. You might want to work on hand speed drills like the Setbacks do - just point at one of your friends then point at your genitals right away... then look back at your friend and nod. The nodding part doesn't help improve the speed of your hands, but it keeps your friend in line.
Paul	Here is a tip Dottie: Go back to grade 1 and learn how to write a proper sentence? Did you ever think that they might be cutting your hours because you are retarded? Stop washing your clothes with "Tide With A Touch of Downs"!
Chris	Hahahahaha...I am both floored and impressed with Paul's staggering lack of compassion, as well as his newfound mean streak with answering advice questions. There was so much syrup coming out of his block of the column that The Setbacks were on the verge of calling up Maple Lodge Farms and informing them of a miraculous new source of pancake condiments. Keep it up Townsend! Okay, on to your serious situation. Let me just ensure that I have this right. You work at the casino, and you are losing some hours. You are also anticipating losing more in October? I've never heard of casinos going out of business. They are essentially super rich at all times like us. I say confront your manager, and ask him or her straight up, Paula Abdul style, about WTF is going on with work. This is the best approach. You are doing these people a favour by providing your skills to the business, and if they want to cut your hours, you NEED an explanation as to why. No questions. Tell them that you have a solution. If The Setbacks play that casino.....every single person on earth will converge there like the ball diamond that Kevin Costner had in Field Of Dreams. If we play a single note in that casino, every single slot machine and hand of every single card game being played will WIN big time. Bartenders will give free drinks immediately when they hear our music, and people will also begin taking off all of their clothes and having a wicked time. If this happens, you'll get your hours back, and you will have a sensational and terrific time working there.

Trevor	Listen VINEGARS! What you have done to your brother is unacceptable. I know this, because in my time have been a victim of amateur or imitation wrestling. You see, when I was younger, my family often visited my cousin Ryan's house. He was only one year older than me (still is) but he was a lot bigger. And he LOVED the wrestling. LOVED it. Everything Ryan had was somehow related to professional wrestling... Macho Man curtains, Brutus Beefcake posters, Hulkamania jogging pants, Junk Yard Dog bedsheets, even a snake named Jake. Anyway, he would terrorize my brother and I with wrestling moves. For hours and hours. He'd set up the situations, calling out roles for us as the match went on "you're Roddy Piper and I'm George the Animal Steele, now I'm Ricky Steamboat and you're Tito Santana" This would go on until either my brother or I ended up in tears, at which point an adult would come downstairs and tell us to quit horseing around. It was always the DDT that ended the torture, because it hurt the most. In a way, I almost looked forward to it. But to this day, I am very frightened by any wrestling, even that semi-erotic olympic kind where two dudes just sort of hug and roll around. But eventually the relationship between my cousin and I healed. He grew out of his wrestling phase, and now we can laugh about it over 20 or 30 beers. You and your brother will be friends again!
Steve	Listen up Dino- The sport of wrestling is pretty stupid but it sounds like you may have caused your brother more pain than brain damage alone, so I'll offer you my advice... My concern is that you may not have pumped up the crowd enough and given your brother the opportunity to work the fan sympathy angle (or perhaps call on one of his allies from the backstage area) before performing the lethal DDT maneuver. This would have caused your brother a lot of embarassment in front of the fans as the swelling went down in the base of his neck and feeling returned to his extremities. I think you owe it to him to take him out for a Smarties & Skor treatza pizza from DQ and a couple of dilly bars. All the best,
Paul	Well Vinegars, this whole thing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. What the hell are you worried about? This is perfect. I doubt that any audience (even if they are a cat and fish) would like to see two people who love each other wrestling each other. They want to see blood, sweat, and Vinegars! Now that there is some actual rivalry you might be able to get a bigger audience.
Chris	Hi Dino, I think the source of your problems are attributed to the fact that it seems like you went straight for gold. I'm assuming that you administered the deadly DDT to Bruno within the first five minutes of your match. You should have worked on him a little. Delivering a series of serious blows to the face and abdomen while simultaneously pounding your feet on the mat with every hit, would have softened his body, and probably would have minimized the amount of humiliation that you gave him. I have also provided some minor devastation to my friend Phil back in 1989. I gave him a DDT in my backyard, during the winter, and on ice. I'll never forget his grey, white, and red Black's Photography toque slamming into the frozen wonderland that was my homemade skating rink. He cried, but you know what? It brought us closer. Within a few hours we were back to playing Super Mario Bros, and he knew better than to try knock my fort building abilities. You know why? DDT from me. That's why. Now excuse me, but I have to go and ask someone what they're going to do when Hulkamania comes after them.