The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	This is an interesting problem. I remember it happened to my friend "Bill" once before. Here's how we tried to deal with the problem: 1. take him to an old abandoned spooky castle, you will need to bring the Ouija board. 2. draw a pentagram in the creepiest room, preferably with a really high ceiling, and have him take off all his clothes except for a blindfold. 3. tie a goat to one of his ankles, and a huge boulder to his other. 4. leave Mike, the goat, the boulder, and the ouija board there, take the clothes. 5. never go back there or speak of it ever again. It's not guaranteed to work, it's just what we tried. It certainly got rid of the smell, as we never saw "bill" again.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	If you screwed around with a OUIJI board, you best go to a priest, a la Father Jason, and get an exorcism or some shit like that done. If you have any real sense, you might want to refrain from calling up demons and goblins with a OUIJI board. The other thing that you can do is put on "Jenny From The Block" by Jennifer Lopez, and I'm sure whatever entity is occupying your friend's spores will immediately exit the wounds, and calling something short of Ghostbusters will not be neccessary. c.diddy

Trevor	Staying together merely out of habit is a bad thing. A BAD thing. If the only reason you don't want to end it with him is because you've invested so much time then you are in it for the wrong reasons. Regardless of whether he's having a 'foreign affair' or not, its time to get out. I can't stand seeing people afraid to break up just because its easier to stay in the rut they're in. The unknown can be a frightening thing. But it's also where all the new stuff is discovered. When man wanted to set foot on the moon, he didn't say "well we're already pretty comfortable here", they went, worked hard, and literally reached for the stars. And now look, we did it! We put a man on the moon! What can be next? I don't know about you but I can't wait to find out, because I wouldn't want to wait to find out that in 20 years mankind hasn't progressed anywhere because it was easier to stay on earth.
Steve	Sorry anonymous, but I don't see the problem. Are you saying that you're considering staying together with this scumbag because your family loves him and you've been dating for a long time? That doesn't make any sense to me. He's completely betrayed your trust for who knows how long and he deserves to be booted in the ass - hard! Here's what I would do...set up a big pot of boiling tar and a bag of feathers over his bedroom door. When he walks out in the morning - BAM! Tar and feathers all over him! That'll teach him to mess around with you...plus it'll cover his body in 3rd degree burns so that no woman will ever find him attractive again...take that, jerkass! That's what I call revenge! Then you can ask him to explain himself on the way to the hospital as the tar hardens.
Paul	I'm hoping that after 5+ years that you can talk to your guy about anything and everything. This is one of those times. You would hate to tar and feather someone for nothing. Conversely, from the evidence, it doesn't look good. The one excuse for not confronting this issues that I cannot stand is "we have been together so long". This gives you a reason to not immidiately give up on the relationship but it does not mean that you should "tough it out". If things are bad, finish things. You don't have any kids and your parents will want what is best for you and will support your decision. If after all of this you find out that he is cheating on you. Then move to the tar and feather choice.
Chris	This doesn't look good. All of these situations happened on Degrassi Junior High to the max! You need to get a firm hold on things, because you are in the midst of making some major decisions, which although may be difficult, will challenge and ensure some positive change in your life. Be sure to get the whole story before doing anything, and be demanding. There is nothing more complicated that skirting around confronting your other about something like this. You need a direct and honest answer, which I wouldn't expect to get very easy. Best of luck... chris

Trevor	I have been slow answering this cry for help because I have been suspicious about it. So I did some research. And you'll never guess what I found, or rather what I didn't find. There is no such religion as Lutheran. Though there is a small band of people who meet once a month - but they call themselves a fan club. These people are obsessed with the character Luther portrayed by Jerry Van Dyke on the syndicated sitcom Coach. While their reason for meeting is strange, it is not so strange as to have any members as Ministers. So I pose this question to you: have you ever met Jerry Van Dyke? Man that guy is hilarious. Did you see the one where Coach got all mad at Luther for something stupid that he did? Man that was a good one!
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Come on, I don't even know why you are asking this. It is obvious that you have to tell your parents. This is your blood, your heart, the people that have raised you. The amout of embarassment that you will go through for telling them this is so small compared to the loss that your parents will have. On the other hand (not knowing the details of your parents marriage), it does seem odd that your Mother is willing to throw away years of marriage for some, as you put it, "stroke action" (for everyones sake don't ever call it that again). There might be some other issues that you don't know about. Either way, I think the right thing to do is to tell you Mother the truth and things will sort themselves out.
Chris	Holy Geez Man, Tell your pyscho mom to chillax, and accept that people have hardcore sex. It's by no means a reason to break up a marriage, a long one at that! Also, since your father sounds as equally square, you gotta get the heat off his ass like pronto! If you don't, your father will need those stroke videos after all, when his single/divorcee ass is combing meat markets looking for easily influenced fresh young meat. GUY! Everyone knows that sleazy old men corrupt the women, especially former Lutheran ministers! The evil and unfortunate scenarios are endless! You're doing more bad than good. I can personally guarantee that your father will shack up with the guy holding the fort outside of The Coliseum for NEMESIS, and become a weird old man. TELL YOUR PARENTS AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE. -chris saracino P.S. I insist with all my power, both psychic and physical, that you tell your parents immediately! Listen to my words!

Trevor	Dear FL: It is unfortunate that a double standard exists still in this day and age that a woman cannot go out and get down without being racked with guilt over being considered a slut. Even with all the advancements people like the Spice Girls, shows like Sex In The City, and even public figures like Judge Judy have made for women, there is still the double standard. But that is beside the point. My point of view: a girl is not a slut if she sleeps with me right away. But she is if she sleeps with Steve. And if this guy hasn't called, it's pretty obvious what he was after. Or he lost the number. I'm always losing things.
Steve	Thanks for the question, Falsely Labelled. It's comforting to know that our advice hasn't scared away all the women from this fine band's web site. When I read your letter and listen to how the events that unfolded that night, the word "slut" doesn't come to mind. I can understand that if you were really attracted to that guy you'd want to bag him, but at what cost? When you make a commitment to get intimate like that right after meeting a guy, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You're pretty much relying on this unspoken understanding that you'll remain in touch. Who knows if he has any intention of ever seeing you again? It's not like you can ask him...and even if you did, he'd just tell you a lie so he could get some action. ...so what's my point? Good question. I'll answer that next week.
Paul	That is down right wrong! I think the person that should be labelled is the guy that obviously isn't "man" enough to at least phone you to say that things won't work out. I had this whole joke thing worked out where I was going to write that we should meet for a candle light dinner because what guy doesn't like a girl that puts out on the first date? But that is very rude and is just pushing the stereotype even more. My real advice: Don't worry about it. Be yourself. Obviously things weren't ment to be (I'm sounding like an after school special). I beleive in Karma. If you are a good person. Good things will come to you. You will find the right guy
Chris	Hey-o, Listen. There is nothing wrong with having sex with someone on the first date. You can do whatever you want. There is nothing wrong with doing whatever it is that you think is appropriate. If you've gauged that sleeping with this person is the right thing to do...then go along with what your gut tells you to do. I've always tried to never criticize peoples decisions. That sucks the sausages. Even if you want to slut it up with a bunch of chicks in some gangbang video with Fred Durst and Snoop Dogg, then do it! That's the beauty of having genitals, and furthermore, being able to make your own decisions. Do whatver you want...that's what I say, and if the guy can't realize that he's got it good when a lady gives it up like that, then he's retarded. By the way...you can call/e-mail/telegraph me anytime you'd like to have a more personable conversation. chrisluigisaracino@hotmail.com BYE! c.diddy

Trevor	Set phasers to stunned, because that's what you are. I'm not usually one to judge acts of idiocy, however in this case I will make an exception. I'm going to have to recommend a full personality makeover - please contact me directly and I will arrange to have someone come to your house and beat the crap out of you.
Steve	Sean, I sympathize with your problem and I appreciate you taking time to leave your shuttlecraft to drop us a line. I just hope our words of wisdom don't reach you too late. I usually like to offer my own unique perspective, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with Chris and Trevor on this one. Didn't it occur to you that after being the only person in line for three weeks that maybe you shouldn't have used up all your paid vacation to do this? Have fun going to Greely for the weekend on your "summer vacation" next year, dork! steve
Paul	It is interesting that you brought this up. A similar type of conflict was encountered by Jean Luc Picard in episode ST-5401 "The Drumhead". It was in this episode that the Enterprise was docked on a Romulan base. Since the Enterprise sole purpose is not to interfere with other life forms but to study their behaviour JLP figured that is was fine to dock there. The Romulans would have nothing to do with it. The way that JLP dealt with this is the same way that I think you should deal with your problem. To quote one of the greatest commanders of the Starship Enterprise (second only to Captain James Kirk): "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." -- Captain Picard Try this on the 17 year old assistant manager. They won't touch you after a line like that. Live long and prosper.
Chris	Get a friggin' life Sipowicz! What with all of the losers here? Shuttlecraft? Man! Slam your head into that thing you geeky bastard! love chris

Trevor	Dusty, Congratulations! There are few joys in this world that compare to fathering your very own child. For advice I am going to recommend the following books that may be able to help you raise a happy, healty child: 1. Raising Kids Who Care: About Themselves, About Their World, About Each Other; by Kathleen O'Connell Chesto; Sheed and Ward; ISBN: 1556129211; (January 1997) 2. Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5; by The American Academy of Pediatrics, Stephen P. Shelov (Editor), Steven P. Shelov (Editor), Robert E. Hannemann (Editor); (July 1999) 3. Rich Larson's Haunted House of Lingerie Volume 3; by Rich Larson;SQP Inc.; ISBN: 0865620482; (December 1, 2001) The last book is just for your entertainment, I'm sure you could use a good book, and this erotic thriller is just what the doctor ordered.
Steve	Thanks for writing Mike - It's nice to know our music appeals to parents too. Cheers Steve
Paul	This is definately a situation that you want to handle delicately. I suggest that you take this problem to Jerry Springer. He always seems to be able to sort these sorts of problems out in a nice civilized manner. Final Thought: Nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of a child. Let's hope you put your differences aside, and do what's best for your child.
Chris	Mike, Dude, you need to get a DNA test, but to be quite honest with you, I can almost guarantee that this is your kid. Unless you asked her specifically if she would take care of getting a dome, and unless you remember her doing that exactly, then she probably is kid crazy. You're going to have to make some serious choices. My advice is this. Rent all of season three of Degrassi Junior High, and learn from Spike & Shane. This situation sucks so bad, that I am so glad it isn't me. You're so screwed man! This chick is a bona-fide wackass. She doesn't talk to you for a year, and then shows up at your work with a kid? DUDE! This is like a R&B video for crissakes! THIS SO SUCKS, that I'M CRYING FOR YOU LIKE ARGENTINA! c.diddy P.S. Tears are falling from my face as we speak. You are so fucked!

Trevor	Dear SU, I believe I will answer this problem with some advice in the form of a haiku. This is how Anne Landers used to give out most of her advice until she was sued by Dear Abby. Of course Dear Abby doesn't own the rights to giving advice in haiku, the lawsuit was actually over an incident at the AAC convention back in '68. An unfortunate incident that resulted in Dear Abby losing most of her front teeth. For those that don't know, the AAC is the Association for Advice Columnists, which WWSD has recently become a member. It is a self governing association which sets standards for and regulates advice giving practice. It has a statutory mandate under the Advice Columnist Act to protect the public interest where advice giving is concerned. Rigorously educated, experienced and committed to a Code of Ethics that puts the public interest first, licensed advice columnists can be counted on to uphold the highest moral standards when giving advice to poor saps who rely on people they don't know to straighten out their shambled life. That being said, here is my advice, in the form of a haiku: You can't have it all That girl will just cause trouble You should forget her.
Steve	That's quite the ordeal, Screwed Up. I think in the future you should leave the sausage links of Sheiks condoms at home on the dresser and carry around one or two at a time. Who needs a Rambo-style magazine of latex? Hugh Hefner maybe, but I doubt you're getting that kind of action.
Paul	Why don't you try sending her a single Tigre Lily wrapped in a bag with a nice little note. What girls heart wouldn't melt after that. -Paul PS: bring her to your house next time.
Chris	Screwed Up, Your situation is a really bad one. It is unfortunate that you had to physically fight about this, but if you were openly holding a multiple link of contraception that she knew about, as she ushered you into her apartment, then my call is this. Forget about her. If she's still living with her boyfriend, then that sucks too. She sounds like the kind of person that relays her insecurities and unsureness about her own intimate situation into real life, then sits back and watches the consequences as they play out like a movie....these are not good attributes in a potential girlfriend. Know what I mean? You sound doured about your love life, man. Don't fret...it'll work out. c.diddy

Trevor	1. remove all mirrors from your house. 2. remove all misconceptions about being fat from your brain. 3. get a moo moo and a fat man hat 4. enjoy life as a fat man It's time to accept what your body is telling you and keep on truckin'. Stay the course, and if your body decides to be skinny, it'll become skinny. As for Ratalie, I'd say keep her, and convince her that once she's had fat, she'll never go back. tk
Steve	I appreciate your candidness Wrett, and I take these sorts of letters very seriously. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to face up to the fact that you have a weight problem that's alienating you from friends like that. But you need to understand that your friends confronted you because they care about you, not because they wanted to hurt you. As for Ratalie, if she can't look past your weight problem and see your real inner beauty, then I think you need to look for a new girlfriend...if you catch my drift. I'm glad you're a fan of the band and you're making it out to the shows, but I think you might need to get your eyes checked...you think this guy is in "amazing shape"? Your problem must be much more serious than I thought. I'm worried that it's too late for you...
Paul	The dictionary discribes fat as: 1. having excess adipose tissue. 2. plump or well-fed. 3. containing fat. 4. fertile, as land. 5. profitable, as an office or position. 6. thick or broad. 7. an overabundance or excess. 8. the richest or best part of anything. You see being fat isn't ALL bad.
Chris	Hey Fatty! Listen man. I've always struggled with my weight, and know what it's like to feel slightly insecure about what you look like. So do this...hit up a buffet! A good friend of mine and I always used to hit up buffets when depressed about chicks and shit, and it was a wowzer! There's nothing like delectable egg rolls, or chicken sandwiches, or McChickens with extra McChicken sauce, or curly fries, or Miss Vickie's chips to make you feel better....!!!! Or try this recipe! Develop a serious drug habit, like smack or H, and you'll see the pounds melt away! Then you can shack up with your girlfriend after she finds you attractive again, and get her hooked on drugs too. You guys will become a regular Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown! For real, I'd try to portion what I eat, do some soul searching about why you're overeating, and get to the bottom of your weight problem. Also, I'd take this little experience into account when determining who your real friends are.... The More You Know... chris

Trevor	That iz an interestin' queshun. It iz, however, uh little bit out o' ma fuckin range o' expertise. In terms o' hip hop I've always been partial ta da north side as opposed ta east or west coast. I grew up wiff Maestro Fresh Wes an' Kish. Boy, dat mofo apparently could rhyme da world in 80 days. It blew ma fuckin mind when I seen Kish play da Gloucester Fair in '92. Good times, pimp-tight times... and shit.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Preach it Jon Gallant!...........we know it's you.
Chris	This is the kind of stuff that I dream about. Dude. Get a handle on life, lay off of the weed for more than an hour between spliffs, and start to become a little more grounded. Tupac's legacy will live on forever, whether you spread the gospel or not. You are a tweaking geek, who has a name that is more reminding of a kid working his father's golf clubs at the country club golf course...how long you been mowing lawns, skippy? c.diddy

Trevor	I think it was at Gym Jam nearly 7 years ago.
Steve	I got my first guitar just after I turned 17. Immediately I hooked up with my friend Mark who also had a guitar and we started writing lots of songs about high school janitors (we didn't have girlfriends yet...give us some slack). Later that year we played a show at our school's coffeehouse and got all these requests to play our best known tune, "If I Was a Janitor". When those grade nine girls started throwing their training bras on stage, I knew at that very moment this was the reason I was put on earth.
Paul	Does a mailman know that he delivers mail? Does a garbage man know that he picks up garbage? I think at one point in your life you wake up one morning and say "This is what I was born to do". For us it was ROCK. More specifiacally: November 18, 1996.
Chris	All I can say is this. Buying three albums, and listening to them religiously while doing my grade seven paper route. 1. Guns'N'Roses-Appetite For Destruction 2. Body Count-self titled 3. SKID ROW-self titled c.