The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	More home improvement questions? I'm starting to see a pattern in the advice. I've never painted anything and anywhere I've lived has always sort of been thrown together decorating wise. But I have looked at paint samples, and the one thing that gets my goat is how they come up with those names. Here are some names that I've been shopping around to paint manufacturers: Hemorrhoid Red Jaundice Hepatitis Blue Blood Shot Red Gangrene (or Gang Green, it's a play on words!) Pink Eye Pink Those are just a few. I'm quite proud of myself for staying away from the Pee Pee Yellow and Poo Poo Brown jokes. I guess I'm growing up.
Steve	Hey, Martha Stewart!! Yeah, I'm looking at you Townsend...where's the punchline? Signed, -Disappointed
Paul	I think you are right in saying that we have our own style. I will give you my opinion on style and decorating. For me fashion should go hand in hand with function. Whether this is for the way you dress or how you decorate your home. I also enjoy simplicity. To much clutter or patterns can be hard on the senses. Start with the couch or furniture. Make sure it is comfortable because you will be using it most of the time. If your couch is against a wall, paint the wall the same colour as the couch. This will make the couch look like part of the wall and open up the room. I'm not really big on pastels and light colours. I think dark colours work well if you do it right. Mix dark colours with complementary light colours. Keep the cieling a light colour to avoid the ceiling "closing in" on guests. I think I could write a bunch more on this subject but I'll leave you with these little tidbits to help you start. If you have more specific questions don't hesitate to ask. (Re: Steve's "Advice" I'm sorry that I didn't have a punchline for you but I have to take some of the questions seriously. I don't want to lose my AAC membership.)
Chris	I've actually been seeing a stylist coach. I was told that I need to look a little more like a starving artist, so after losing 20 lbs, and shopping only at second hand stores, I should be better able to answer your question. -chris

	Hi guys, Bob Vila here - I'd like to field this one if I could. You say that this dividing wall is going to be used to create storage space, so the question becomes: What kind of load will the wall be supporting? If you plan on mounting a multi-layered semi-permanent shelving system to the wall, then I would strongly suggest you use 2 1/4 " lag bolts. The 1 3/4" bolts might do the job, but you might run the risk of overloading the shelf some point down the road. If the wall is going to be free of shelving, you can go ahead and use the 3" clamps. Tune into This Old House on Saturday to watch us convert a 68 year old cheese factory into three spacious lofts. Cheers, Bob
Trevor	While normally I would make some jokes here, this is indeed a serious subject. We've been sent a lot of home improvement questions overthe years, and here's the reason we never answer any of them: Last time you discussed a project with someone, we bet it wasn't long before you said, "Wait. Got a pen? Let me draw what I mean." It's really hard to give advice about a project you can't see. All it would take is the slightest miscommunication on your part or the tiniest misunderstanding on our part about the scope of the project, and we'd be unintentionally giving you advice that won't really help your situation. You'd be mad at us, our lawyers would be mad at us… The reason I decided not to joke about this one is because I think it's a legitimate question. The reason I think it's legit is that when you sent in your advice you spelled Kemptville wrong (I edited it), which means you must be from Kemptville. Anyone from outside Kemptville would have spelled it correctly, as they most likely finished grade 4. Good work on sending us an email though, I am amazed you figured that out.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	I remember it all started when I was just a child. I guess I just had a natural affinaty for the water. I would swim all day only to get out to have a couple hot dogs. After I had waited the necessary 30 minutes after eating I would be back in the pool. Some days I would have friends over to join in the aquatic fun but other days I spent hours by myself becoming a clorinated little Jaques Cousteau. Intertubes became my ships and dropped pennies became my lost treasure. That summer flew by that year and all winter I dreamed of the new adventures that I would have in my own back yard ocean. Sadly I knew in my heart that this might have been the last summer of bliss. For I had just turned 21 and I knew that I would have to go back to school and accept a more scholarly role. In conclusion: Use the clamps.
Chris	Sono nel timore completo di questa domanda. Quanto al mio consiglio, sono cosí completamente l'underqualified rispondere questa domanda, lo trovo appropria per l'informare che lavoro tuttavia su montare la stazione di spazio di TECHINCS DI LEGO che ho ricevuto su dal compleanno 11th. Non l'italiano di essere, alcune persone potrebbero schernire alla nozione di una persona con le cravatte allo stivale per sapere niente del miglioramento di casa/il muro a secco/ed o la costruzione. All haters, dire questo.. SOLTANTO DIO ME PUÒ GIUDICARE A brief english translation: I am Italian. I know nothing about drywall/construction/home improvement, and for such blasphemy, I was ejected from Italy like George Wendt in the Michael Jackson video for "Black or White", flying over the moon, only to end up behind the skins for The Setbacks. I am still working on the LEGO TECHNICS space station set I received for my 11th birthday. To all the haters, I say this... ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME... -christofero luigi saracino

Trevor	If this is that writer from NBC again, I swear the shit will hit the fan. I told you on the phone, I told you over email, and I told you in person: YOU HAVE TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN IDEAS ON HOW TO END "FRIENDS"!! I've written enough episodes without getting paid and am sick of you taking advantage of my helpful, advice giving nature. If this harrassment keeps up I will be forced to take legal action. If this isn't that writer, then my advice is that when you get the cats you blow directly in their faces, because lots of animals enjoy that, cats included.
Steve	Woah man, are you sure these guys are your friends? Sounds like they're all trying to get as far away from you as possible! Buddy, why don't you take a hint? -steve
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	Holy Shit! There's actually North of 60 chat rooms? Jesus Christ! Dude....start voluteering at Bluesfest or something, but man...North of 60? 22 cats? Maybe 1 or 2 cats, but even that's bordering on people questioning which way that you swing. Know what I mean? North of 60...hahahahaha -chris

Trevor	It's good to get a question about more material things like this. As many of you may not know, The Setbacks have somewhat of a green thumb. So given that, my advice would be to plant the tree. Buy a huge pot, dig up some dirt from your front yard, water regularly, and enjoy the outdoors inside, all year round! Seems simple, but sometimes the most obvious answer is the most difficult to come up with. Then you can start decorating the tree to correspond with different times of year. Only red and white lights at Valentines, Easter egg decorations at Easter. I mean really the possibilities are limitless. I may try this myself, so you won't be the only one out there doing this, Mr. Anonymous.
Steve	Thanks for the question Mr. Anonymous - you've come to the right place. My advice would be to clone the tree so when the one you have dies, you'll be able to replace it with an identical tree. Just keep doing this and you'll always a fresh one. As for cloning the tree, I have absolutely no idea how to do that. Good luck! -steve
Paul	From what I'm reading here this isn't about the Christmas tree. This is about you endless desire to fit in. Society has told you that spruce trees are only ment to be in your house for Christmas but it sounds like your "gut feeling" is telling you something different. This is where you have to make a choice between satisfying "society" or yourself. I know I went throught this phase myself. I went months trying to hide the tree in my closet but it died after a while. I tried to keep a branch or two in my drawers but it wasn't the same. I think I hit rock bottom when I started chewing on air fresheners. This is when I realized that society was too strong for me. I gave in to all the GAP commecials and bought a bunch of stuff with stripes on it and now live in an IKEA filled room. I wasn't strong enough to make it on my own. I hope you are.
Chris	Well...people will definetly wonder about you. That's a for sure. I kept a vat of olives out of my fridge for over seventeen weeks. I developed a keen affinity for them, and I found that my refusal to throw them out caused people to judge me. My response to these people was this...."Only GOD can judge me...". Regardless of my brave effort to stave off the non-believers, my reputation took a hit. My house smelled like raw ass, my friends dissapeared, and I found that my love life took an incredible hit. No girls wanted to hang out at my pad, because as they said..."It smelled like genitals...". To that I said this... "Only GOD can judge me." Anyways...just throw the tree out. Best, Chris

Trevor	Sadly the key to booking shows is convinving the owner that you will draw a big crowd that will drink a lot. Once you've done that it will be easier to play shows at the same place again. They don't care if you have the most beautiful sounding cd available, as long as you make them money. Of course a good cd does help get your foot in the door, but you've got to be a big draw. The benefit of a good sounding cd is the press and other references you can get through it. It sounds like my advice is all over the place, and it is. And that's because we're just a small time local band. Though all together we have in previous bands played every venue in town from The Downstairs Club to Barrymore's, every situation has been different, every booking has been unique. Just keep plugging away and the breaks eventually start coming.
Steve	I'm with Chet on this one Scruff. Drop a line to Redroom Studios at arturo00@hotmail.com. Spend a day or two there and do two songs. After you've got the tracks recorded, go and get them mixed and mastered...this is not something you should overlook or skimp out on. We went to a place called Little Bullhorn Productions here in Ottawa. Mixing and mastering is well worth the money and will make your songs sound about ten times better. Now you'll have two good songs you can burn onto CDs and distribute to clubs...getting a show will be much easier and it will only set you back a few hundred bucks. It's a good investment.
Paul	Well Scruff, sadly a good recording of yourself is key. Luckily recording is getting cheaper and easier. My suggestion is to go to a local studio (we went to Redroom Studios) and just do a 2 or 3 song demo. If you are well practiced it won't take long which means that it won't cost much. You will then have a good sample of your music to send to local venues. You will then be able to get shows and make money to record a full length album. You will probably even be able to sell the demo for a couple bucks at your shows to make more money. It is a slow process but well worth it in the end. Don't give up.
Chris	Scruff, Gotta agree with the rest of my band. Hook up with The Neptunes and or Timbaland, maybe take some time off from your other band, and create street credible urban pop music, which will take you to the top. After a while, you'll probably get sick and tired of your other band, and will flourish in a solo career after publicly breaking up with Britney. Best of luck... chris

Trevor	That, Jacob, is a dilly of a pickle. I think this may be the most crucial and relevant question we have received to date. Now I have put a fair bit of thought into this advice, and here's what I've come up with: The roller rink is nice, because there will be more boy/girl interaction. If you're looking to meet a lady, there's nothing like putting your hands on her hips to teach her how to skate. The downside is that roller skating in a cirlce for more than 45 seconds is about as exciting as having porcupine quills slowly removed from your eyes. With the go cart track you are guaranteed a good time. Whipping around the track for a few laps is top notch fun. Plus the fumes are a cheap high. However it is really boy oriented, as most girls don't tend to like it as much. So basically it depends what you're after. The only thing is to make sure your mom makes up some loot bags to give out to the guests, and also to invite me.
Steve	I applaud you for choosing not to ask your friends what they want to do but asking us instead. For me, it's a no-brainer...go-carts all the way. If you do decide to go to the roller rink, count me out...otherwise, let me know where and when the go-carting is happening.
Paul	The key factor in this decision is (I think) whether there will be girls at this party. When dealing with the interaction between girls and guys it is all about numbers. What I'm getting at is that when a big group of guys are around girls then tend to do things they regularly wouldn't do. This is important when dealing with go-karts or the roller rink. The difference between the two events is that go-karts is much more competitive (there is a clear winner even if you did get stuck with the "slow" kart). For the go-karts the other guys at the party will do anything short of selling their soul to win the race in front of the girls. For the roller rink there might be a couple of guys that want to race or do laps. Losing this race might not be that great unless you want to be the "Roller Rink King". Leave the racing to the others while you generously "aid" the girls from falling (much bigger brownie points). In conclusion, if you are strong enough with your manlyhood and are willing to (potentially) lose to a girl then I advise the go-karts but if you measure your hand-eye coordination by your sniper accuracy in Quake III then I'd stick to the roller rink stud.
Chris	I have a terrible story about a roller rink, as well as a Go-kart track birthday bonanza. Prepare for the story, as this will induce great dread. May 17th, 1985 Location: Merivale Roller Rink Chris Saracino knocks out his crush's molar by karate kicking mid skate while holding her waist. She nails the rink hard, she cries, Chris is not only painfully embarrassed, but also realizes that it might be appropriate to give her back the Bon Jovi tape that she gave him. Parents show up, yell at Chris' dad, and a lawsuit almost happens. Chris' birthday is nillified. May 17th, 1987 Location: Thunderbird Go-karts Chris Saracino jostles around the track at top speed, faster than the rest of the pack, because Chris' dad politely asked the kart grunt to take the safety off of the birthday boy's kart. Kart grunt agrees, as a $20 tip is ushered in his face. Chris zips around at top speeds exceeding 60 km/h. Chris hits a tire blockade as he tries to negotiate a Pole Position worthy turn, flies out of the kart, and hits the arcade game known as Smash T.V. Chris breaks his wrist, as well as coming very close to puking. Begins to feel like crying, does...and then quickly loses all of his friends. *please note that Chris was wearing a Hypercolor T shirt as the entirety of this event unfolded, which in itself was embarrassing enough. Conclusion: DO NOT DO EITHER OF THESE THINGS. Suggestion: I.P. Looney's if it's still open. -c.diddy

Trevor	To get your boss off your back, just tell him that you are featured on that particular website, and were just making sure that the photos they took of you were as tasteful as was promised when they offered you the $20 in the first place.
Steve	There's not much you can do, I'm afraid. The people who run these pornographic web sites are a lot smarter than you or I. They take popular domains that people like yourself might type in while looking for information about something innocent, like our band, and cram lots of pornography down your throat in the hopes that you'll discover that you didn't accidentally go to this page but instead would like to pay money to see more of it! You'd best just surrender to your primal urges and fork over the cash.
Paul	This is easily fixed. By using a bookmark (whether it is on your computer or a hardcopy) or setting your computer up that it starts on our page. This will help you from accidentally typing in a porn site. You should actually be thankful that we changed our name. We used to be called "Free XXX Movies" but we had a hard time getting a website. Strangely, that name and all variations were taken. Who knew? Hope this helps.
Chris	Hey Man! Dude..don't go there. It's people sexxing! -chris

Trevor	Here's a sure fire cure for the hots: picture the object of your affection sporting a mustache. Just a plain old pushbroom mustache, covering the upper lip only. No handlebars or fu man chu's or anything. A straight up, over the counter french tickler. Now if that's not a turn off I don't know what is. As for your specific problem, I'd say involve the roommate. The more people involved, the more interesting it is for people not involved at all, because that way there'd be more chance of rumours being spread. And nothing helps out a budding romance like whispers and innuendo.
Steve	Thanks for the question, Aimee. My advice would be this: don't be afraid to confront your roommate's friend directly. It happens to me all the time. I have lots of friends who live with girls and they're always calling me. In fact, one friend of mine lives out of town in a house with four other girls. A couple of weeks ago I visited him and met most of his roommates. Soon after I arrived back in Ottawa, three of the four girls called me up totally out of the blue (even the ones I didn't actually meet!). I'm not sure why the fourth one never called me, but I think it might be because she's a lesbian. Whatever you do - don't ask your roommate to help you out! I guarantee that while his intentions may be good, he'd bring things to a complete halt like a bathtub drain backed up with chest hair. Not a pretty sight. -steve
Paul	That is a touchy area. The first part you must consider is your roomate. See how he feels about the whole thing. If he is very uncomfortable with the situation you might what to back off, but if he is fine...... "Giddy-up". Now, from your last statement in your question it shows me your inexperience with men. For men phone calls or any sign of interest "out of the blue" are not a bad thing. We are simple folk and sometimes suttle hints go by unnoticed. A phone call is a nice obvious sign. With this said, a phone call or email is a good way to get things started. After this you might want to up the ante by going to Christmas parties at his friends house or rock shows in your home town to see him. In conclusion: 1) ask roomate first, 2) go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Chris	Hey Aimee... That's a sizzla I tell ya! Here's what I'd do. Forget your roommate. Go to the house. Bring a ghetto, and pump some Shabba Ranks full blast, while holding a bottle of courvoisier, and wearing those cheekz exposing ripped jean shorts that all the dancehall reggae chicks wear. As soon as he turns a corner in the house, and sees your jiggling cheeks battying to the music, he'll flip! Be sure to ensure full jiggling with the music. If that doesn't work...I don't know. -Chris

Trevor	Awaiting wisdom...
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	Hey Asswipe! Your common law wife does PORN FILMS! What the hell is going on in that little brain of yours? That is wicked and awesome on all levels with all power ups! Damn you for being blind! Your chick is amazingly gracious! Do you know how hard it is to have SEX with 350 guys, let alone 1000 dudes! ASK STEVE! You're more than a little sore the next morning! That's true love! -don't thank me for waking you up from your nightmare! -c.diddy P.S. Steve has experimented a few times, but we all love him like a brother. That's why he's kind of shy in the picture. He doesn't like talking about his gangbang without a few shots of Bailey's first....s'okay Steve...you're gangbangariffic in my books!

Trevor	Chris, I'm glad you came to us publicly for advice. First off if you are going to be in the Setbacks you will need to be in great shape. The zombie fighting is normal at first, but if you can get through that you'll be fine. Then you'll be able to party like this all week every week. The only downside is that the more partying we all do, the more we realize just how much Paul actually knows about Star Trek. And that, my friend, is way worse than zombies. Besides, if your drinking ever becomes a problem we'll do an intervention. I've been trying to organize one for a long time. The only thing missing has been an intervenee. You may be the missing piece of the puzzle... so keep it up!
Steve	Thanks for opening up to us, Chris. On the one hand I'm glad you're coming to us for advice, but on the other hand I'm sorely disappointed that you don't have the cajones to speak up in person. What's up with that? Anyways - on to your problem: I don't know what it's like in the electronic music circles you've been frequenting for the past few years, but when you're in a rock band you need an iron liver - end of story.
Paul	Well the first step is admitting that you have a problem. So you are on the right track. Next, I think the best thing to do is get in touch with somebody...........yourself. We had talked about this problem of yours before and I thought we had a deal. I remember the conversation. I suggested that you go dry on the alcohol for a while and you replied "Fine, no deer for a month". Hey, wait a minute.........
Chris	I woke up with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon" blaring in my room this morning. Some skater kid was playing Street Fighter, and I was naked, sporting only a RUSH shirt for their Roll The Bones tour, as an empty bottle of Jim Beam lay still by my dresser..... AA here I come! -c.drunky