The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	That's a tough one. A woman's breast size is a sensitive subject. Women don't like to have faults pointed out (nor do men for that matter). But I think I have just the solution though: You can have your hands surgically altered, so that one is big and one is small, to match her inconsistencies. This won't fix your money problem, actually it may hurt the wallet even more, as you will need to buy two pairs of gloves and then throw one of each away so you can have gloves that fit your mismatched hands. You could probably make money somehow off of your oddly sized hands and your girlfriends oddly sized boobies. Be prepared for a life on the road though, freak shows move around a lot - which might be tough on the twins (the kids, not the boobs).
Steve	Thanks for the question. If I had a dime for every time a stranger came to me with this very problem...why, I'd be rich! I'm going to tell you the same thing I told all of them. With the advent of modern surgical technology, the breasts can be made the same size. But an exact bone marrow match, that only comes along once in a lifetime. Keep her close to you and protect the precious marrow at all costs.
Paul	I have been thinking about this post for days now. I have absolutely no idea what to say to this. So instead I will post a "boob" joke: A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde enter a breast-stroke-only swimming contest across the English Channel. They start off one day in the fog and swim through the choppy seas. Four hours later the redhead finishes and dries herself off. The brunette finishes a close second. Four hours after that, the blonde comes up on the opposite side, totally out of breath. She walks up to a race judge and says, "Listen, I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those girls were using their arms."
Chris	Dude...you're an asshole. How can you be so shallow? What is this about? This woman loves you, and she is the mother of your kids, plus she...... Actually. That sucks that she has lopsided boobs. Immediate break up required.

Trevor	Awaiting wisdom...
Steve	If you're mom's a lesbian does that mean she knows how to make good shawarmas?
Paul	Well Buddy, you certainly have been through a lot lately. It will be very hard to deal with all the issues surrounding yourself right now. That being said, this could be a turning point in your life. My suggestion to you is to start fresh. Move somewhere far away (not really far because you will want OHIP to treat you penile cancer) and start a new life. Comparing your problems to an Iraqi family right now, they are quite small. Count your blessings: 1) Your Mom is happy because she won't have to cheat on your Dad anymore, 2) Both your brother and sister are bringing a new life into the world (always a good thing), and 3) You have your health (except for the penile thing....).
Chris	Have you ever walked in on your mom doing your mom's girlfriend??? That would be awesome! Sucks that you have penis cancer brotha!

Trevor	I think you should follow your gut and leave. You've given us no evidence as to why you like this guy. He doesn't consistently respect you! There's no excuse for that. But the one thing you'll want to make sure of first is that he's not a spy. He may work for the British Secret Service, and may need to be secretive about himself and yet still expect sex from acquaintances. Particularly if you have a somewhat suggestive name, like Pussy Galore, Holly Goodhead, or Kissy Suzuki. If he is a spy, I say hang on to him - especially if you like awesome adventures!
Steve	Who's Kevin?!? Shnooter, don't do this to me baby...
Paul	There definately seems to be something wrong here. I just saw the reality based movie "The Real Cancun" and I really learned a lot. If I can apply what I learned from the movie to real life (since it is a "reality" based movie), the advice I would give you is: Loosen up! If watching the girls in this movie taught me anything, it was the fact that after a little tequila, anything goes. The problem that Kevin might has is that he might be mixing up the way to treat a Canadian women compared to the ones south of the border. Slap him with a donut to knock some sense into him. Canadian gals deserve to be treated with class.
Chris	If a guy doesn't consistently respect you? What does consistent mean? Should it be a Ghostbuster stream type consistency, or a Duncan Hines cake mix consistency. Why don't you get a hint, and realize that this dude is weird, he is unpredictable, which quite obviously makes you uncomfortable, and move on. Stop trying to grasp for things that aren't there. If something like his behaviour, and your ability to gauge that, is difficult, chances are that you won't be able to change it. p.s. The fact that you said "sudden sex", makes you a loser.

Trevor	Sometimes boys can be weird this way. It doesn't mean you should give up on him, nor does it mean fall for him. I can understand it's difficult to wait around while he treats you special/not special. I've done that before, under weird circumstances though. That worked out alright... Sometimes being with an unpredictable 'mate' can be fun, like rollercoaster. However not if it makes you feel bad about this person, or worse, yourself. I'd say start doing little tests on him. Maybe do like in the movie How To Lose A Guy in Ten Days* and try to force him away. Then in a beautiful Hollywood ending you will have a true love. *note: I have never seen the movie mentioned above. I'm still cool, right guys?
Steve	Look Shnooter - I just asked you for your phone number because I thought you were really nice, that's all. I'm sorry for being wierd lately... it's just that I've never seen a girl's breasts before and I think things are moving too fast between us. I think I'm going to need a little space. Can we not talk about this here?
Paul	Today's dating arena has been infinitely increased by the use of the internet. If there is something that I have learned from the thousands of pop-up windows that I have encountered it is the fact that my "true love" is only an email and $19.95 away. With the ever growing online dating scene you don't have to settle for the unpredictable guy. At the touch of a button you can have your pick of thousands of desperate guys that will be at your beck and call 24 hours a day. You will forget about the jerk you met at the bar when you surf your way to Mr. Right. Good luck.
Chris	Who cares? The guy is weird. Move the fuck on.

Trevor	Get a spell checker. And while you're at it get Nelly one too.
Steve	You've obviously got SARS. Quarantine yourself and seek medical advice...I'm afraid that while I am qualified to give relationship and general advice, my knowledge of how the body works is limited to those War Amps commercials with Astar the robot. Apparently you can't put your arms back on when a giant buzzsaw cuts them off at the shoulder.
Paul	Well, as the summer months are sneaking up on us this will become more of an issue. Keeping cool in the hot weather is usually overlooked but sun stroke and sun burns are serious issues. Here are a couple summertime tips that I that I have aquired over the years: 1) Stay in the shade because "black cars look better in the shade". 2) Keep the blinds closed on your windows because when you "pull the shades down low - you'll know when the time is right. When you're lyin' alone in the heat of the night". 3) Stay away from streets (i guess...)because "the heat is on, it's on the street, the heat is on". 4) And if all else fails.....take off all your clothes.
Chris	I say kill yourself.

Trevor	This may be the toughest switch ever. Definitely tougher than the friend switch, harder than the roommate switch, and more complicated than the brother switch. Bottom line: always remember that the left twin is invariably the evil one. Make your decision based on this.
Steve	Paul- the brothers' names are Mike and Mark...there's no third twin named Steve. Have you been thinking about me more than usual lately?
Paul	Well, it seems you have your hands full....... literally. I think you have a couple options here: a) Stay with Mike and only Mike. As you have shown, this may not be as easy as it sounds. b) You could be with both Mike and Steve. I think this is more up to the twins but if they don't mind sharing you then I think you could have "double double your refreshment......." c) You could find a girlfriend for Mark. This way when you are with Mike, Steve won't be lonely. Make sure that you like Steve's girlfriend because you might end up in some comprimising situations......... Anyways, I think you have to look deep into your soul and ask yourself "Am I the Lady or the Tramp?" Good luck. Be sure to send us some pictures of the result. After thought: What the hell was I thinking?? I must have been thinking of that giant growth that Steve has on his back that I call Mark. Must stay focused!
Chris	I am going to ralf my head off. You are gross beyond all measure. Does it feel good to touch that skin bridge between the bodies of your boyfriends? There is nothing like a skin bridge.

Trevor	Gary, This is a tough one. While taking a shower is very invigorating, especially if you use Herbal Essence shampoo and Irish Spring soap, five is a bit excessive. This will eat into your bathroom time, and if you're like me, you go to the bathroom a lot. I suggest a series of pranks designed to train your roommate to dislike the shower. Given his penchant for the good stuff, he should be easy to train. Here are some tricks to begin the training: -empty his shampoo bottle and fill it with salad dressing, maybe ranch. -place pubic hairs in the soap, use the lather to really stick them in there. -write something in the mirror that will show up when it steams (like "MURDER") -replace the stream of water with blood, cows blood can be obtained from your local slaughterhouse After these (and more if necessary) progressively worse tricks make him afraid to shower you should be fine. His paranoia will keep him out of there for good. Next week: how to get your stinky roommate to take a shower.
Steve	Aww come on Gary, if my five showers a day really bugs you that much why don't you just tell me to my face?
Paul	I think I know what the problem is here. If I could quote Ron Slater; "It's quality, not quantity man." Obviously your friend is dealing with some very sub par "mary jane" cigarettes. If he had some good stuff I don't think he would even be able to make it to the shower. So my advice to you is: get him some good stuff and you won't have to worry about this anymore. Alright. Check you later......
Chris	I recently went to a Quickie looking for the Mary Jane Brand of cigarettes. I was going to buy a pack, smoke them, and see what the big deal was about taking a shower after...but every convenience store in the city has never even heard of this brand. You pass on grass? Like marijuana? Are you square? Everyone knows that you can't get addicted to weed. It just makes you grow your hair long, and appreciate nature, and like The Grateful Dead. Chillax dweeb.

Trevor	Dude, there's two possibilities here. One is good - she is trying to keep business and pleasure separate. If she's making money on the website, she may not want to cheapen your relationship by having you involved. This situation may also lead to her no longer wanting to 'swing' with you as that's her job. Nothing takes the fun out of something like money. In this case you're screwed and may no longer be able to have sexual relations with you wife. The other possibility is that you no longer offer her the goods. She's found better and you are tossed out to the curb like so much recycled newspapers. In this case you're screwed and may no longer be able to have sexual relations with your wife. Bottom line: you're screwed (even though you haven't been in a while...)
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	I'm glad that you have brought up this question. This issue plagues many couples. I think the core problem here is the fact that work and home should be separate. The home should be a place where you and your wife can relax after a long days work. As soon as the work life comes home it becomes hard to enjoy your "down time". My advice is for you to get an office for your wife. This will keep the work and home life apart and allow you to enjoy your wife without jealousy. Good luck.
Chris	Maybe if you took into consideration how difficult it can be to penetrate...er I mean...operate a sex website, then maybe you'll understand how she probably doesn't want to complicate your relationship with your full out activity in the scene. That takes a lot out of a relationship. Also...you said that you came home to her having a four way sexfest with three guys. STOP! THINK! Have you ever had sex with three guys at once? I'm assuming that this is difficult. Instead of being jealous, be thankful that your woman is bringing home the bacon! This is a tremendous amount of pressure...stop being such a whiner, and start appreciating your nympho for the unique breadwinner that she is....

Trevor	Bobby, nasal problems are always tough to deal with. Expecially if it's a girl you are sweet on. I used to know this dude who had this sinus problem where he couldn't use his nose at all. It didn't sound as bad as you described, but he had to breath through his mouth all the time, so eating with him was gross. He also couldn't smell anything, and taste was ruined too. We'd put old hamburgers in his car and let it rot under the seat for weeks. He'd drive around blasting his Faith Hill or Tim McGraw, until he would be giving someone a ride and they'd gag when they'd open the door. One time we stuffed some old fish heads under his bed. He won't return my calls anymore.
Steve	Robert, this question is close to my heart. As any of the guys will be quick to tell you, I have a rather obnoxious farting problem that can be quite odorous. It's plagued my friendships and my relationships for years to the point where I've been fired from part-time jobs as a florist and perfume salesman because of it. I really think it's unfair for people to be judged this way, so I'd encourage you to look past this imperfection and focus on what's important...like does she really look like Amanda Peet? Dude...Amanda Peet! Aces!
Paul	Well, the only related experience that I have to this is that I used to have a girlfriend that chewed with her mouth open. Every time that we ate it really grossed me out. I would try looking away but I could still hear the constant smacking. It got to the point where I would avoid eating with her. The sad part about the whole thing was that everything else in our relationship was great. With all this said I'm not exactly sure what my advice is but ... Amanda Peet is pretty hot ... so I might give it a try.
Chris	Man...this is a good question. I personally would ralf my head off if I was having a steak sandwich and I heard my girlfriend's inner nasal activity all of the time. I would also ralf my head off if I was sleeping, and was constantly interupted by my girlfriend's sinuses having conversations and making noises. I think I would ralf my head off at any given time if I heard that, so....if you decide to hook up with her, do not go to South Keys Cinemas, or any other place where I could be...because I will ralf my head off. Thanks!

Trevor	For crying out loud, just go on the freakin' vacation and relax. Sounds like you need to get your panties out of a knot anyway - and what better way than an adult oriented, all inclusive resort get away on the tropical island of Jamaica. Actually, if you don't go, I'll go with him. I heard they got them nudie beaches, and some of them erotic cakes.
Steve	Hi Sandra, thanks for the question. What you need is a solution that will allow him to have the promiscuous sex he yearns for but will also let you keep an eye on things to make sure it doesn't get too out of hand. Try approaching him with the old "I've got good news and I've got bad news" ...tell him the bad news is that you refuse to go on the trip, but the good news is that you've invited over some of your skankier girlfriends for an extra special party in his honour! POW! Aces!
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	Don't dissapoint him. It sounds to me that he's a keeper. Be understanding, and just go with the flow. Don't worry. Don't fret. I heard these types of resorts serve a continental breakfast, and that is outta sight!