The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	Bad Brains, First off you need a lawyer. My recommendation would be to get Cellino and Barnes, because they have those adds on Rochester television channels that makes me feel I can trust them, due to their warm and calm demeanors, as well as their promise to get me everything I deserve from my accident. Another good law service to consider might be Points, it's made of ex traffic cops who will fight your traffic tickets. This tattoo problem might not be their area of specialty, but the commercials do say thay you don't pay unless you win. So that's good. If the lawyers don't win the case for you, I'm afraid you're going to have to have the tattoo removed with lasers. If you can't afford that after all the legal fees (unless you used Points), use a cheese grater to remove the tattoo.
Steve	This is a tough one... as you can see I've been mulling over what to tell you for almost a week. As always, I want to make sure that my advice is well thought through, down-to-earth, but most of all - helpful. I know all the guys feel the same way... especially Chet. So after a lot of thought, here's what I've come up with: you need to find a really smooth and colourful seashell... and that's all I have so far. Hope this helps.
Paul	I wouldn't worry about the legal actions of having a trademark tattood on yourself. I haven't had any problems with my "Warren's House of Britches" tattoo that I have. PS: What's the matter? My name not important enough to have a capital letter?
Chris	take the fucking tattoo off you ass

Trevor	Bands must often do things when starting out that they are not proud of. I know musicians who have played in cheese rock cover bands, played shows at Gym Jam, soiled their pants on stage for a free meal, played music in a chinese restaurant, and even played rock music at a daycare for a bunch of 10 year olds with paint all over their faces. Sadly the real way to make money in a band when starting out is to be a musical prostitute, doing what you have to do. That being said, a Staggered Crossing cover band is still unacceptable. Please stop listening to this band, and never admit to liking them to anyone, anytime.
Steve
Paul	Where does a band draw the line between artistic integrity and $$$$$? Is it when they start playing more covers than original songs? Is it singing "always to hot never to cold" instead of "would she go down on you in a theatre"? Is it cutting your 10 minute dualing guitar jam down to a "catchy riff"? Is it trading your lace-up leather pants for boot-cut faded jeans? Is it trading your monster "Master of Puppets" thrash metal for whatever-you-want-to-call-it "St. Anger"? Is it naming your band Soul Decision and singing along to Casio beats? Or is it three ugly migets dressing up the same, dancing in unison, putting on enough hair gel on to choke a donkey and calling themselves a name that uses a witty combination of letters and numbers? Who knows?
Chris	I've been an active musician now for about 7 years, and to be brutally honest with you, have done things while pursuing a solid career in music that I am not proud of. Being in a staggered crossing cover band is something that is in line with paying the bills for most working artists, and I know many members of fellow bands that do time in pub acts, bar outfits, and pretty well anything that can provide some money to do a tour with, make those landmark trips to Toronto and Montreal or farther for that matter for label showcases and important shows... Don't be too critical of these guys....they probably need the money.

Trevor	Black Thursday had a great effect on all of us, friend. Though the intense news coverage is gone, the media swarming to the next great tragedy, the scars left behind will take a lot longer to heal. Whether you have become afraid of the dark, or your morale is low because everyone deemed you non-essential, or even if you bumped your head on the door frame then fell backwards into a decorative metal tree thing that stands in your hallway and then, while its sharp petals dug into your back, you fell all tangled up in it down your steep stairway into a pile of garbage at the bottom, we've all experienced some amount of damage. In your case the damage is psychological, for others it is intense physical pain as they to this day are finding shards of metal in the bloody mess that is their back, combined with a badly bruised and broken body. As with all wounds of mind or body, my best advice is that time will heal the wounds. You will again find refuge from yourself in the darkness and the comfort of your loved ones arms as her scars heal. And others will again be able to walk and even sit down, as time heals the scars left behind from having 12 copper petals surgically removed from their back.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Holy shit dude!! What the hell are you complaining about! You have found a woman that is willing (even once...) to dig through the layers of your BK broiler belly to find your genitalia. She is a keeper. The way I see it, you should be patient with her, because if you have sex once more in your life you will probably still be getting more action then someone your size.
Chris	no worries mate...there is this magical place called Clasixxxxxxxx Video where you can buy pre-lubed and pre-moistened glory holes. They are perfect for your situation during the period that your woman will require to get out of this mental handicap, which might be forever. Steve told me about it. That's Steve Palmer, the guitar player for our band.

Trevor	Mary, I do not believe you are as mature as you think you are. An 18 year old is never as mature as they think they are. Especially if you claim to have "a adult mind". Now I don't claim to have AN adult mind either. I've been known to do some immature things: I still prefer cereals with marshmallows, I watch Rocky and Bullwinkle during breakfast, I spend a fair amount of time spitting water through my front teeth while in the shower, I laugh when people say "bum" or "poo", I enjoy beating Steve at video games, I like... where was I going with all this? I don't know either. Anyway, my advice is to take it slow. Don't rush out to meet him, because last night on Law and Order: Special Vicitims Unit there was some crazy shit about the internet and things like that. Clearly it is where murderers now hunt prey.
Steve	Mary, I'm glad you came to us first. I think I've seen enough Jenny Jones shows to know that what you've got here is the real deal. I don't want to jinx things, but let me just say this... you might want to start calling the chapels honey because when you two lay eyes on each other it's going to be holy matrimonerrrific!
Paul	If you do decide to go I would like you to know what the concequences of this decision will be. Initially the forums on www.level6wizard.com will flood with first doubt, then jealousy, then great hope. ork2571: r u serious? the femalia is really coming to see you? C&Cgod: yes, she said she would. this will be the greatest day of my life. even better then the day that i finished final fantasy 7 with only a titan sword and lichen dust. ork2571: is she going to stay with you at your parents house or do you think you'll be able to hang out in the back room of Hollywood Video (......you are the assistant manager)? C&Cgod:yeah, my parents said it was cool. they're glad i'm having a girl over. they thought i was gay. ork2571:OMG, if you touch here booby you have to promise to tell me. i have a water balloon and i think it would feel the same. Do you see what kind of madness this could create. Just because your lonely online "stud" said that his favorite book series was also "the babysitters club" doesn't mean that you are meant for each other. What I'm saying is that you should be careful. This could have great concequences.
Chris	okay time to be serious... I think that if you went to go and see this man, that it would be a really bad scene. Use your head and be cool. Remember when Brandon was going to go and visit Lucy in Minneapolis on Beverly Hills 90210? rethink your strategy. There is a good chance that when you arrive, he'll let you in on his criminal history, or how much medication he is being prescribed...

Trevor	Dealing with a naked granfather is never easy. But rest assured this is just a stage that will pass. Like teenagers, octogenarians often feel ignored, and when they are talked to it is in a condescending manner. Unfortunately your grandpa has decided the easiest way to get attention is negatively. The only thing you can do is ignore him, and reward him for good behaviour. Don't focus on the negative, as it's only teaching him that this is how to get your attention. Besides, at his funeral you will look back and laugh. Just don't let too many people see you laughing at his funeral, that's not always appropriate.
Steve	Sounds like your grandpa's letting out a desperate cry for help. Maybe he just wants some attention. Maybe he is completely senile. Or maybe he isn't your grandpa at all. No matter. Do you let him sit on the sofas naked? Does he have his own chair that only he sits in? When he does the Charleston, does he shed skin and hair onto the carpet? Who vacuums that up? Does he put on clothes when he bathes? Wouldn't that be strange if he put on clothes and then went to the bathroom? Let me be honest with you John, I have a lot of questions and not many answers.
Paul	Here is one suggestion: Air Conditioning. Get the house soo cold that Grandpa's knees won't only be knockin from the doing the Charleston. Once "little grandpa and the twins" shrink back he might not be as proud to walk around naked. No man will walk around at half mast.
Chris	You know, I too have a lot of questions. This is a sensitive situation. Grandpas, like monkeys, have gigantic everything. If he's flippin'n'floppin around, and smearing his grease all over the place, then this is definetely something that you should take up with your family. I've heard these issues come up before with some of our other fans...namely the gentleman who's elder would eat Dairy Queen Treatzas naked as sin. My advice is to be strong, and put grandpa in a blankets like a newborn or baby Jesus when he saunters into a room with his franks and beans exposed. Looking at Grandpa's kielbasa and rosebuds is NOT my idea of a good time. P.S. Damn! Your rep is gettin' tainted....get this guy in clothes or take Grandpa to the prom.

Trevor	I am only going to warn you once: DO NOT TRY TO HOOK UP WITH A GUY FROM A BAND. Those 'rock and roll' guys are all creeps. They are only after one thing, and that is free food and a place to sleep. If you give this guy an opening he'll be sleeping on your couch for 3 months, not showering, growing his dreads, and letting groundhogs live in his long, unkempt hair. Of course if you are willing to put up with this kind of commitment, then try wearing something classy, perhaps backless, and spin whenever you enter a room. You can't beat a good entrance to catch everyone's attention. You could also try wearing the backless number backwards.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Rock n' roll is all about being "over the top". Wear what you feel comfortable in. If short skirts and low cut tops make you feel good, then wear that. If you want to be noticed you might have to go that extra step (since there will be competition from the other groupies). I suggest a low cut RATT or Poison tour shirt with the sleeves cut off, short skirt with studded belt, knee high socks, and some cool sneaks.
Chris	I say wear a one piece spandex jumpsuit, like Ric Flair, with "Greco's Health Shack" emblazoned on the front. That or wear a Vuarnet. For real...if you want to get his attention...wear a shirt that indicates you are ready to blow him after the show.

Trevor	Alberto, You must be honest with your girlfriend. You need to tell her how you feel, and that you have concerns with her health (ie back problems). But ultimately it is her rack, not yours. While we're being honest, I'd like to know what advice you were expecting to get. I mean, I'm not sure this is a situation which us 4 idiots should handle. You need to look into your soul and decide how you feel about the boobies, not look to us. Because I for one love boobies. I even like saying boobies, and typing the word boobies. Boobies.
Steve	I think the only way I can really wrap my head around this predicament is by having you send me several pictures of your wife (preferably nude or at least with her top off) so I can fully understand what's going on here. Just mail them to my work address as soon as you can: Chief Talent Scout Tits, Boobs and Jugs Quarterly PO Box 15030 Los Angeles, CA Thanks Alberto!
Paul	The general question that we are answering here is "Does Breast Size Matter". For a large amount of the male population the answer is yes. This has lead to the large percentage of women who feel that breast augmentation is the only answer. For me, personally, I have never encountered a breast I didn't like. There are only two things I require from a women's breast: 1) Nipples 2) Accessibility If you meet these requirements, I'm yours. With this said, you should support your girlfriend in her decision because if she is happy, you should (at least) be happy for her.
Chris	There's part of me that doesn't quite understand what the problem is, and then I realize how petite your girlfriend is, and I can understand how she might utterly horrify you. My suggestion is to get giant testicle implants. Eclipse her obvious attempt to outdo you, and load your santa bag up with enough to ensure that you are in fact the one getting attention when you walk around. Also, be sure to liquify any joint savings that you both may share, and ensure the spending of every last penny in surgically altering your scrotum to hold those big ninja marbles of yours! I'm sure if I see you guys around, I'l burst out laughing, so we'll talk more then!

Trevor	Another tough question. But I'm going to have to assume that by having threesomes involving your 'buds' that you've already crossed a bunch of lines. For example, you've already seen Ryan's parts doing all sorts of things you wouldn't normally see them doing. So kissing doesn't seem like it's going any further off course. Basically I'd say that's the risk you may be taking with the threesome adventures. So either sit back and enjoy the ride, occasionally kissing your buds. Or don't bother with these types of threesomes, focusing instead on the 2 girls for every guy type. Good luck with that.
Steve	I went to see LXG this past Tuesday with two other Setbacks (Paul and Chris... Trevor couldn't make it because it would have interfered with his honeymoon). While I didn't find anything queer about the movie, I did find the fact that Paul and Chris invited me a little too friendly and I ended up being really uncomfortable the whole time. I would suggest that you offer to go to another movie that might make things a little less uncomfortable between the two of you... like Finding Nemo.
Paul	Now, from what I understand from your letter, you were expecting a high-five but got a french kiss? Depending on how you high-five, the approach is quite different then a french kiss. What I'm getting at here is that your initial subconcious reaction was to accept the french kiss. Only after you realized what you were doing did you recoil. Last week I went and checked out the Gay Pride parade and I think I learned a lot that I might be able to pass on to you. There is a definite possibility that you are gay or bi-sextual (not that there is anything wrong with that). Your initial reaction, probably because the way you were raised, is that this is wrong. I think being gay opens yourself to a multitude of advantages. Being gay allows you to wear buttless chaps and leather hats, feather boa's and giant wigs, it lets you into exclusive clubs, and it also allows you to use both male and female slang (ie: "you go girlfriend") and if anyone questions how you can get away with this crazy stuff all you have to say is "I'm gay". What I'm saying is that you might not want to look at homosexuality so harshly. Good luck on your decision.
Chris	Geez man..Sucks to be you. I can however only offer this partial bit of advice. Consider choosing friends that you are sure are neither bisexual, nor gay, when selecting orgy partners. This is the kind of forum where you find out that your buddy has been yearning for you since like hockey practice in high school, and has always wanted to horse mount you....you are opening yourself up for situations like this. I gave Paul this advice a while back, when apparently...and this is off the record......Steve moved in for the kill while they were watching BOSTON PUBLIC on television together while drinking Strawberry Kiwi Snapples. Steve was aghast...but we got it all straightened out...now the band is 110% ready to conquer! I'm glad!

Trevor	CHRIS SARACINO ANSWERS ON BEHALF OF TREVOR KEALEY: At weddings! At my wedding, the rest of the guys in the band were catching bouquest and garters, flipping women around on the dancefloor, and looking like they just came out of a White Stripes soundcheck. Weddings provide the opportunity for socializing. Check it out yo! TREVOR KEALEY ANSWERS ON HIS OWN BEHALF: That's right Chris. And all you have to do is to return your RSVP so the wedding expects you. Also you need to get invited to a wedding first. For example, at my wedding, I saw several of my friend's chatting up my new cousin-in-law. I don't know how any of them faired, but love was in the air! It was a miracle!
Steve	Thanks for the question, Jen. You seem to be really hung up on finding a "normal" guy to be with, but I think that a special girl like yourself should be looking for somebody extraordinary and not settling for the status quo. I've found a special group of guys that I like to spend time with at the 24-hr video game and internet cafe on Bank Street near Somerset. These guys like to play first-person shooter games versus each other on LAN networks and talk about TV programs like the original Star Trek series or the Jetsons. They're all really cool and nice, and I'd love to introduce you to Watson, who is also a level nine wizard.
Paul	What is "normal"? Normal can mean many things to different people. For example: Chris thinks Capcom t-shirts and talking about genitalia is normal. For others it might be different. Not wrong, but different. My suggestion to you is to do things that you enjoy and go places where you have a good time. This way you will meet people that like doing the same thing as you. I can vouch for this. I have met some really great people at Barefax and KFC. Good luck.
Chris	Hey Jen, I know a nice normal guy, who will love you unconditionally, and who is willing to take a place in your life, and be there for you, and support you in anything that you do. He's kind and nice, and he has a beard. His name is Jesus, and you can find him anywhere. All you have to do is put your hands together, and visualize him, and then he appears! Try it out.

Trevor	You should always support the people you love, especially when attempting to find work in a new and exciting field, such as Crack Whorery. The government has recently released statistics saying the average age of those in the Crack Whore industry has now climbed up over 40 years of age. And sadly, not a lot of young people are going into the industry due to the negative connotations associated with the job. Because the average career of a crack whore ends at 45, there is expected to be a serious shortage within the next decade. And leading people in the industry have recently been having job fairs and even placing ads on Rogers 22 to attract more young people to the profession. One can only assume your loved one will have ample opportunities in this exploding field, and very quickly be promoted. Sadly, this situation is very unlike managing an Arby's, where the average age is 16. Good luck cracking that market! (excuse the pun).
Steve	Webster's Dictionary defines crack as: "A sharp snapping sound, such as the report of a firearm." and whore as: "A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain." Based on this information, I can surmise that your friend has become some kind of a thief; a bank robber possibly or maybe just a cat burglar. None of these are good career choices, so please advise your friend to find more honest work such as managing an Arby's.
Paul	When someone, your friend in this case, decides to become a whore the next big decision becomes "what area do you want to specialize in?" Whore's that choose early in their career that they want to move into the "crack market" severely limit themselves. Competition becomes fierce. Only the strong survive...literally. My suggestion, that I think you should tell to your friend (assuming they have their mind set on becoming a whore), is to start small and work her way up to crack. This will help her build up a small group of clients that will be able to carry and support her when she takes up the crack.
Chris	I was at an Arby's recently in Kingston, where I was sure that the person slicing and shaving the roast beef on my sandwich was a crack whore. A crack whore to me, is a special kind of person, who enjoys crack cocaine, and likes to engage in promiscuous sexual insertions. I would've exclaimed my suspicions about the whore who likes crack who was preparing my beef'n'cheddar, but refrained from compromising the quality assurance of my delectable sandwich, piled high with mounds of Arby's thinly sliced roast beef, cheddar cheese sauce, ARBY's original BBQ flavour, all on a Weston onion bun. A crack whore can be fun and nice at the same time. On Canada Day, I saw Steve & Paul going into a GO HUT just the two of them. Upon opening the door of the portable facility, I found them giving each other pearl necklaces, clutching each other's Canadian flag capes, while Steve hummed "Courage" by The Tragically Hip.