The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	Eddie, I don't think you have anything to worry about. As long as you stay in Riverdale, you won't need any of the basic necessities your mother should be providing you. Friendless? Arch is everyone's BEST bud and the kind of guy you'd LOVE to hang with. Hungry? Share a burger with Jughead at Pop's Shoppe. Need help with homework? Talk to Dilton Doyley, he's very smart. Weak? Moose will stand up for you (just don't try to hit on his sweetheart!). Need new clothes? one word: Veronica. And don't forget Betty, apparently she's a demon in the sack. Though that isn't a necessity your mother should have provided anyway.
Steve	I've never heard of "Archie comics" before so I did a little investigating over the weekend. I was able to find a "Double Digest" and "Laugh" magazine and I was immediately blown away with the meticulous quality and workmanship that goes into each publication, right down to the individual illustrations. I must say that the character development and plot lines are far superior to anything I've encountered before. Reggie... err Eddie, I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with your mother on this one. I really have to applaud her for raising you in a home that recognizes the sheer genius of this perfect epitome of art and popular culture. In fact, I think I would do you some good to spend a little time with a couple "Jughead" magazines yourself.
Paul	So what you are saying is that you are a 7 year old who wears loafers? Now it has been a while since I have been 7 but I'm pretty darn sure that I didn't wear loafers but this is besides the point. I think you are placing the blame in the wrong area. I don't think it is "Archie's" fault that you have a bad mother. Would you feel better if your mom locked herself in her room with a stack of John Grisholm novels? Looking back on Archie comic books, that was my first introduction to the rock n' roll lifestyle. Who didn't want to travel around to different groovy locations to see "The Archie's" or "Josie and the Pussycats". Now I just read them because I'm hoping that someday that fucking tease Veronica will put out.
Chris	You are a punk kid. Archie comics are the one thing that everyone should be reading on a regular basis. Your mother is wise like a wise man who visited Jesus in the manger. Cut her some slack. The adventures of Jughead and Pops and Archie, and the rest of the crew has been an amazing staple of free society for the last 40 years. Chill out and get a job asshole.

Trevor	Jack, First off, your band looks awesome! I wish I could go to your show Friday, but we have our own show that night. I've been writing some metal songs and will hopefully be using it in a side project soon. It will be called Mountains of Death. Our first single will be called Walking in the Woods. As for calling the spirits, this is something I do privately before shows (usually standing at a urinal), not something we do as a band. I prefer to call on the Finnish god Pellervoinen, the god of fields, trees, and plants. He rules over fertility, and this is something I feel is very important when blasting loud music, because the vibrations might sterilize the audience, and that is something I could not live with. Knowing I made a generation of people unable to reproduce, thereby destroying humankind. That's heavy dude.
Steve	Have we considered calling on.... the entities?!?!?! The only god of wood I call on is the one in my pants. I suggest you start praying to little Jack (or call it Chancelle if you want... whatever) and maybe - just maybe - a girl might come along and possibly devirginize your Archie comic reading ass.
Paul	As a Raelian diciple I respect the fact that you have chosen these fake gods to worship. Who am I to judge if your beliefs don't include cloning and orgies. Before each show I ask Rael, "Hail our Saviour", for the strength to implode any onlooker's face with the power of rock. After I am tapped on the elbow three times with his magic macadamia nut and kiss his pinky toe I am granted with this strength. Rael, "Hail our Saviour", being a former race car driver (did your god race cars?), knows what it is like to have to perform in front of thousands of screaming fans.
Chris	Hi Jack, I don't think we're all that interested in inducing spirits to help us with our rock mission. I'm pretty sure that we'd fucking destroy your shit ass band with our eyes closed. I will not be attending your show because you are a tremendous loser, and Judas Priest had kind of a cool thing going on when I was 5, but you guys suck the hole of the ass. I'm certain that Rob Halford was simply just smiling because he didn't want to be an asshole in that picture with you. He's probably disgusted with your band. Don't take this wrong way. I'm sure you're an okay guy, but you need to get a major overhaul with your buds. You all should be doing Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young covers, not your personal renditions of "Painkiller". If you want to collectively stand in front of our amps one day at one of our rehearsals, we can simultaneously blow all of your skins off with the force of our rock power. I do however think that the fact that you play Majic The Gathering is a semi cool thing, and you might still have a chance to lose your virginity. In Excellence, Chris

Trevor	This is a tough one, Victor. Often in an oppressive setting, such as the "blue blood" society you and Monica have been in, personal growth can be stunted. This is because you have been sheltered all your lives, and have not had any opportunity to go through phases which all people go through. Without the influence of other cultures and ways of life, it is easy to assume that your own way of living is the best. For most people, this kind of change happens in adolescence. For example, when I was 13, I discovered a way of life I thought would be more rewarding, and as a result spent nearly two years of my life living as a sort of caveman. Upon seeing the Flintstones, and finally really "getting" it, I moved out of my house and into a pile of rocks on a hillside. I ate nothing but brontosaurus burgers, and almost completed my foot powered car. I came around when I realized that animals would not comply with my requests for them to serve as everyday appliances such as my elephant shower, terradactal record player, and parrot doorbell.
Steve	Fo' shizzle ma nizzle! Word Vic, fo'izzall yo' ass at a gravy pace, you know what I'm sayin'? This girl Monica ain't been road tested 'n therefore has not got da green light fo' commitment, you know what I'm sayin? Bomb diggity n' shit yo' ass get yo' girl izzle nizzle, fo' mo' longterm relationships - word n' shit. Vic - you gots ta get da ball rollin'! Peace.
Paul	Mr. Santiago, Living a "thug life" isn't for the weak at heart. Sure your girlfriend may seem like she is quite the "biatch" but from your letter it seems like she has fallen into the trap that many little white boys fall in to. Just because you flaunt a bunch of bling-bling and you can say things like "fo real" with a strait face doesn't make you a pimp. I think we all learned how to deal with this situation in the movie "Malibu's Most Wanted". Obviously you should hire a couple actors to act as real thugs to scare your girlfriend strait. If that doesn't work then I suggest wearing gang colours around the house and pop a cap in her ass if she looks at you funny.
Chris	Trev. Your advice made me laugh. Vic....I am inclined to suggest renting "Trading Places" with Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy. You see Jamie Lee Curtis' tats!

Trevor	Hello Marek, This seems to be less an advice question, more so a personal email request. Perhaps you can send these types of questions to band@thesetbacks.com. However, seeing as how this is up, I will reply publicly. The Setbacks are always open to new and exciting players - whether to jam, for a special guest appearance, or as a new member. When you get to Canada do contact us. Here is a quick run down of the hazing ritual anyone must go through to be deemed Setbacks worthy: 1. sit through Chris and I acting out the entire "Throw Mama from the Train" musical adaptation that we wrote. 2. get a "Setbacks Forever" tattoo on the tip of your penis. 3. drinking a quart of sweat wrung from Steve's underwear after a show. 4. have a sleepover at Chet's apartment (you'll find out when you get there). If you can pass these tests you can at least jam with us once. Should be great and nice. Good luck with immigration, they're even tougher than us.
Steve	Hi Marek, Thanks for the enquiry. The Setbacks are always auditioning new players and we'd be happy to set up a personal audition with you when you arrive in Canada. But before we commit to that, here are the mandatory requirements you'll have to meet before we can promise you that audition: 1. You must have normal amounts of back hair. 2. You must fart, puke, ejaculate, sneeze or defecate in the backseat of Chris' Grand AM. Don't feel weird - we've all had to do it at one point... one at a time of course. 3. You must be either a normal weight or slightly underweight... sorry, no fatties! 4. You must not be from Uzbekistan. Good luck!
Paul	Äîáðî ïîæàëîâàòü â Êàíàäó. ß ëþáëþ ðîê-í-ðîëë òàê ìíîãî ÷òî ìîè ëîêòè àê ñ áîëüþ. Ìåíÿ è ìîèõ êîçëîâ ñ íåòåðïåíèåì æäóò ñëûøàòü, ÷òî Âû èãðàåòå âàø çîíòèê. Øëåïíèòå Âàñ ïîçæå.
Chris	Hi Marek, I'm all for it. Gnevley Gnox was one of my favourite bands back in the day. However, I hope you don't play one of those gay ass ukeleles or mandolins like the rest of your people in Mypos. Bottom line. Learn how to handle a guitar, one that is electric, or else we're going to have to kick your immigrant butt out of this rock experience. Also, if you're in the Russian Mob...no way. later gator chris

Trevor	First off this cat must be killed. Immediately. Do it swiftly and humanely for sure, but just do it. Don't be a wuss. Just focus on the task at hand and do it. There'll be time for baby tears later, you coward. Second, you need to do what your girlfriend says. A satisfied woman means a satisfied man, because the woman holds the key to the gates into the garden of ultimate pleasure. It's a gold key with a big vagina on the top, you'll know it when you see it. But damnit man, KILL THAT CAT!
Steve	Don't be ashamed. Most guys need a little a guidance with the slide-ance. What you need to do is turn it back on her - see how she likes the free tips. If she's doing something wrong, tell her how to do it right... and if she starts doing it right, tell her she's still doing it wrong! That'll teach her. The downside, of course, is that your genitals will really take a beating.
Paul	Lets say, hypothetically, that you are really bad in the sack. Here are some quick tips that might turn you from dud to stud: 1) Lower her standards. If you buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, compliment her hair, and treat her nice; chances are that she will be a little more forgiving in the sack (PS: a bottle of wine doesn't hurt either). 2) Think baseball, think Roseanne Barr, think of Alf. Whatever you have to do to keep your little dude under control and last a couple more minutes. Andy Wilson is the only guy I know who was proud to be a one-minute-man. I'm going to bet that your woman wants things to last a bit longer (they always do....). 3) WWBD. What Would Barry Do? Just before you reach for a jar of Return of the Jelly: Scent of Yoda collectors KY, think to yourself "Is this what Barry White, Issac Hayes, or any other smooth operator would do?" I don't think so. Hope these tips help you out.
Chris	Just flip it dude. Give her tips. Ask her of she'd be interested in using the cat as a prop. If she's giving you tips, that is a sure fire sign to get rid of her. That's what happens when you date prudes. Ensure she knows that your beeflance has nothing wrong with it, and that she needs to watch more pornography to know what you need...not the other way around. SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Trust me.

Trevor	Dear ~M~ I know when I invite a girl to come home with me it's for a sleepover. We'd play Contra on the nintendo, and then later make a fort out of the couch cushions and some blankets, filling ourselves with Cheesies and Minute Maid. When a girl declines my offer I feel sad and go home alone and cannot bring myself to play Contra, so I only play RPG's and cry, finding solace in my Dragon Warrior world. To get him to invite you over again, what you need to do is devise some scheme. You need to drive him to ask you over. Tell him you know a way to make a really great fort - if only there was a place you could go to show him... you see where I am going with this, and hopefully he will too! BaddaBing BaddaBoom you guys are moving furniture and drinking cans of C Plus Grape in his basement! And if he has Contra you are set, maybe you guys can play Risk.
Steve	Most guys don't care if they've been shot down in the past, as long as they get some in the end (and I don't mean in the ass). Just tell him straight up that you want to go back to his place and he'll go for it. If he doesn't, I'll eat my hat at the show on Friday... and you can take that to the bank.
Paul	I have read the question over a couple times now and I can't seem to find where the problem is. The only problem that I can see now is that you have let too much time pass and your boy-toy might have found someone new. The evidence is clear. He has already asked you a couple times to go back to his place and play "naughty nurse" or watch rock n' roll jeopardy or whatever he does to have a good time. This means that he is physically attracted to you. Unless this weiner was severely put off by you turning him down the previous times he will jump at the chance to see you naked. Long story short: There is no problem here - just ask - you won't get turned down. PS: chris, you have a problem with food.
Chris	Dear M, When I invite a woman/girl into my realm, it is for the simple reason of sex pizzas getting baked in the oven of coitus. That is the only reason to go back to someone's house at the end of a night. Your cottage cheese and his chicken wings are going to come together for a sex buffet of power and miracles. This is most commonly referred to as a booty call, late night sex, hardcore sex action with no strings attached, etc, etc...I'm sure you've heard the terms. If you continually decline his offers, then make no countering plans, I would also get the impression that you were not interested in making hardcore sex fajitas with me. If you can't make it, then propose another time period to create sexual peanut butter and jam sandwiches that might be a little more accomodating of both of your schedules. Bottom line, he wants to make Idahoan mashed potatoes out of your sex doritos. Either let him, or stop talking about it. Also, why is it out of the question to go back to your house? Are you attached? If so, then you have to call off your sexual military campaign in favour of spending some time with your husband or whatever....

Trevor	DUDE! You definitely need to go back to your apartment. Just pretend like you are going to hang out alone in the bedroom. Because if I am correct on my assumptions about what goes on at a girls night, you will want to be there. My advice is to wait in the room for about 30 minutes, that should be long enough for the wine to start kicking in (that's what girls drink). Because that's when they start taking each other's clothes off and having naked tickle fights and stuff. And you know what that means, soon they'll be making out! Try to take care of business by 9 or 10, because the only way to top off a night of crazy sex with a room full of ladies is to witness some amazing rock and roll. I envy you sir. God speed.
Steve	Gary, you're the king and this is your castle. What kind of a man abandons ship at the first sign of an iceberg? Come on Gary, you need to stand firm on this one...it's your home and you have every right to be there. That being said, things between you and your girlfriend will be much nicer if you make an effort to "fit in" and not "ruin everything". For any girls night to be a success you need three things: desserts, booze and talks about guys/sex. I'm sure you're comfortable with the first two... but the third one is the stickler. If you can handle graphic conversations about penis sizes and the best positions to try when ovulating, then you're in the clear... but if not, come to Babylon early and help us load our gear in.
Paul	Looking at the other guys answers I noticed that their advice was to blend in with the girls. I disagree. I think you should embrace your manhood (figuratively....) and do MAN things. 1) Change the oil in your car. 2) Drink real beer (like Labatt 50 or Molson Dry.... not Stella Artois) 3) Bet on horses or migets or migets riding horses. 4) Buy some electronics that will make things bigger or louder. 5) Spit, scratch, burp, yell, punch whatever you can't when "she" is around. 6) Then head over to the show and be ready to experience some rock n' roll that is so hot it will melt your face.
Chris	Since you have nothing to do besides go to Swiss Chalet for 5 hours...I say integrate yourself into the party....here we go. Step 1: Buy all of Tori Amos' records, and listen intently so that you know the words. If no Tori Amos is available, then purchase Ani Difranco or Lisa Loeb records and do the same thing. Step 2: Start doing Pilates....good conversation piece. Step 3: Become disenchanted with a bunch of things so that you can be part of the support group. Step 4: Buy a bottle of wine, and read an Oprah book of the month. Bring the wine to the party. Step 5: Learn to braid or brush long hair. Step 6: Learn to talk about your feelings. Most guys should learn how to do this anyways... You're set....be ready for vagina city!

Trevor	Dear Jim, You have a drinking problem. I suggest seeking help from some of your friends. I'm not talking about your pool hall buddies either, as they only serve to encourage your alcoholic tendencies and provide you with ideas that are potentially life threatening, such as this Human Voltron. Please do not attempt this stunt. Leave the dank pool hall that is only torturing your soul further. Seek the help you desperately want, but cannot admit. You are Jim, and you are an alcoholic.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Sorry Jimbo, as you can see my buddy Doug has already done it. Maybe you should try and make Astro boy legs? Send the film in either way.
Chris	AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL I just shat myself looking at the picture that Paul put up.... I have no advice to give you loser...OH MY GOD I'M DYING OF LAFFTER!!!!

Trevor	Edricks armor can be found in the town with no one in it. It has been destroyed by the dragon lords minows. My advice is don't go in unless you have learned the spell "STOPSPELL", you'll need it. At the very south east of the town there is a boxed in area. Above the counter and to the right there is a patch of trees, walk on it (You'll automatically come across an AXE KNIGHT who knows the spell "Sleep". Use "STOPSPELL" and kill him. Don't run away or you'll take a step backwards and you'll have to fight him again). Search the ground there to receive Edricks Armor. This armor is one heck on a nice thing: every step you take, the armor heals you 1HP, and the swamps and barriers never hurt you again. Plus it's nearly 10 times more protective than the Magic Armor found in Remulior (The place to get keys). Other than that, I suggest quickly finishing this game and moving on to one of the more current game consoles and buying Dragon Warrior VII, I believe that is where they are in this series of games. Enjoy!
Steve	Hey Minstrel, I'm in the same boat as Paul and since it looks like Mario and Luigi have this one covered on all sides I'll just share a tip for changing levels in Knight Rider for the NES: Hold A+B, press Reset, release A+B and choose either mission or drive options. When Devon appears, press Up or Down to change levels. The key is to wait until Devon appears, otherwise KIT will turn into a silver Grand AM and your radio will freeze itself on 93.9 BOB FM. Good luck!
Paul	I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about so I have no advice concerning this question. I do, however, have a nice recipe for garlic chicken: 3 tablespoons butter 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves 2 teaspoons garlic powder 1 teaspoon seasoning salt 1 teaspoon onion powder Melt butter in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add chicken and sprinkle with garlic powder, seasoning salt and onion powder. Saute about 10 to 15 minutes on each side, or until chicken is cooked through and juices run clear.
Chris	No Worries Minstrel...I've contacted Gamepro Magazine in order to help you find the most elusive of Edrick's items. Be sure to have learned Hurtmore and Healmore before pursuing this important item in the game, in the deserted ghost town of Haukness. Good luck! Hauksness Now that you have the way of getting to the Dragon Lord you have to prepare of yourself. Erdrick's Armor a. This is located in Hauksness. If you listened to the man in Cantlin who said that his Father's friend once had the armor. He was a shopkeeper in Hauksness. b. It is located to the far right of the town protected by a Knight. Prepare for a tough battle. c. The Knight can cast SLEEP on you so be careful, attack him with all you got. Use HEAL or HEALMORE as much as you can. If you win search the Ground and find the Erdrick's Armor. d. The armor has several special properties i. You will not receive damage on barriers ii. You will regain HP as you walk

Trevor	Dear MM, This is a tough one. Dream interpretation is always tough. However, here is some insight into what your dream could possibly mean. -To dream of mice is not a very good omen as the dreamer can expect disappointments and ill will from others if the dream centers around the mice. -To dream of drinking (your martini) is an inner need to escape reality or your life situation. Same is true to dream of doing drugs. This also indicates a feeling of alienation and quite possibly guilt. -To dream of eating fresh, golden butter, is a sign of good health and plans well carried out; it will bring unto you possessions, wealth and knowledge. So my guess is this, you will come into good fortune, but this will make others jealous and bring you ill will. This in turn will lead to your attempt to escape reality. To answer your specific questions: a) your attraction to the mouse seems to be non-sexual, so it's likely that you are lonely, and not gay. b)Mice do not cuddle well, especially if you accidentally squish them in your hand while trying to cuddle. c)The only mouse you can expect to save you from a fire is Mickey. He's so brave and big. I don't know why Chip and Dale (the disney chipmunks) were so small despite being a rodent in the same family as Mickey, when Mickey had somehow attained a human like stature. Also, mice hate fire. d)There are others like you. Simple statistics dictates that, given the vast number of humans inhabiting this planet. e)Last night I dreamt I was in the mafia, but I think that was because I was watching the A&E biography on the mafia before bed.
Steve	i have a number of answers: a) yes b) grab a toilet paper roll, call richard gere, and see for yourself c) no, mice are too small and weak d) probably, but they have enough sense to keep it to themselves e) that's not a question
Paul	I think you have brought up a very important point here. I ALSO love butter. Butter has got a bad name lately. The couple people that have over indulged in this spreadable wonder and paid the concequences are ruining butters reputation. This all-in-one miricle block can do no wrong. Delicious on toast, to die for on mashed potatoes, and not to mention the main (by main I mean the best tasting) ingredient in almost every dessert/pie/snack..... For shame on those who lift your nose to this bovine cream delicacy. Cast away your bland margerines and your "can't believe it's not butter's" and embrace taste bud exctasy that is butter.
Chris	Dear MM, I understand your issues, and hear them with an acute ear. Mouse is unable to effectively communicate with you. It's passionate desire to help others is obviously underscored by his wish to be your companion and see you model string bikinis and such. Bringing rodents into restaurants where reservations are required is ill advised. I would suggest Swiss Chalet from now on or the hearty goodness of a Quizno's where toasted tastes better. There...if mouse decided to suddenly "help" anyone, man or rodent alike...it will be less embarassing for all involved. I was enjoying a BK Broiler the other day, and it occured to me that my one desire,....my one and only desire was to see that others are happy and fruitful in their lives. As I ate my hamburger, loaded with a incredible amount of mustard and ketchup, I asked myself why there was a Burger King....and why there wasn't a Burger Queen. I assumed that the King and Queen at one point before I was born probably had a Burger Kingdom or Burger Empire, that probably did not serve the delectable poutines that they now have, but was much more representative of the unified marriage of the burger icons. I approached the cashier and asked what the King did, to make the Queen hoof off, and rediscover the joys of soft serve ice cream, and invent the modern day DQ treat, Blizzard. The cashier gave me a nod, and divulged the details. Apparently Burger King went out to a gentleman's club one night and got more inebriated than Charlie Sheen circa the Wall Street era in his career. Emilio Estevez was there. There was a dipping into the restaurant's petty cash fund, and apparently the King got out of hand with dual lesbian champagne room dances. Emilio was busy discussing The Mighty Ducks 2 which he was filming at the time, and was unable to prevent the King from getting out of hand. One thing led to another, and the King put out enough money, that he ended up being serviced and cheating on the Queen. The King came clean with the Queen, but only after refusing to attend the premiere of Loaded Weapon with Emilio, who quickly stopped calling the King. The animosity between the younger Estevez brother and the restauranter continues to this day. The King and the Queen however, split, as the Queen could not deal with her husband's enormously bad judgement and inability to be truly intimate. A settlement was reached, and now the King is introducing new incentives to his astonishing chain of restaurants, especially if you have less than $3 to eat. Mouse is a flip flop friend. You need more from this relationship. Ensure that you tell mouse, and decide to move on or move forward.