The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	Fern, I remember your daughter well from that show. We were playing at a daycare for some reason (we have since replaced our manager), and were already in a bad mood when we found out our rider (2 cases of chilled 50s and a assorted deli sandwich platter) was nowhere to be found. Plus the 'stage' was merely the area in front of the play structures. I was angry because there was no beer, chet needs his sandwiches, and Chris just does what we do. But Steve, ever the professional, began preparations in earnest for a good show. We hit the stage, and found hoards of 5 and 6 year olds had set their chairs up only inches from our amps. We convinced them to move back, and Steve began his regular routine of adjusting his tone, looking for the perfect one. Picture it: these kids are waiting to hear the Sponge Bob Square Pants theme song, and Steve is strumming chords, minutely adjusting the fuzz setting on his effect peddle. The rest of us were waiting angrily to get the show over with. When suddenly your daughter arose out of the restless crowd (a game of tag had broken out). She approached Steve and said "hey mister, with a gibson guitar and marshall amp, you're much better to ease off on the effects from the peddles, just let the amp do the work". He took her advice, and we broke into an amazing version of one the B-Sides from our first cd called I Like Ice Cream. The tone was amazing. Steve looked out into the crowd and locked eyes with your daughter, and she gave him an approving nod. The kind that Mr. Miyagi gives to Daniel-san when he finally understands that the things he's learned will serve him well against the Cobra Kahn Academy. Steve smiled and we destroyed that daycare with rock. After the show, we looked for Jenna to thank her, but her parents had already picked her up. We thought maybe she was an angel sent by the gods of music to give us the Ultimate Tone. The Setbacks have never been the same since, and we've been looking for your daughter so she can come on tour with us. It sounds like she may need us just as much as we need her. To get her away from her white trash father. By the way, is she 18 yet?
Steve	Hey dickhead, you did ask us a question... "Are the Setbacks serious assholes?". I think it's pretty obvious that any band that would perform for a daycare, ad lib songs about ice cream, and then have a visible confrontation with the woman running the daycare over the absence of the deli platter and cold suds on our rider are not assholes at all... just working their butts off to make it in this cut throat biz, fuck you very much!
Paul	I remember that show. We had just finished our Creed, Jars of Clay, Dishwalla medley when the heckling started. Your daughter was right up front yelling for us to play the Sex Pistols, Type O Negative, or Barney. When we said we couldn't play any of those songs, she said that we were fags.... and that is when Steve lost it. I think you should thank your lucky stars that your kid's face was not imploded by Steve's foot. Quick thinking on Trevors behalf, distracting Steve with a half opened bag of candy, literally saved your daughters life.
Chris	Fern, If you talk any way that you write, then I think you're child's potty mouth is coming from that angry guy in the mirror that you see every day. That angry guy is you Fern. Maybe you if you replaced those f-u-c-k's with some l-o-v-e's, and some of those "fartface" comments with something a little more sensitive to relay your obvious frustration with your child and something we may or may not have done, I could be convinced of your ability to be reasonable. I'll have you know that althought The Setbacks are known for doing things like pointing to each other, and then immediately pointing at our crotches, we would never do that in front of kids, and furthermore we strive to set examples for the youth of today. We all love the kids, and realize that our sensational power can spread musical rainbows all over Canada, and make kids super smart and agile. Looks like we really are amazing for the children, and you, Fern, are nothing but an ex Air Supply fan, who wears his briefs backwards and gets a cheque from the government every month.

Trevor	I think this behaviour goes well beyond simply "jumping the gun". This is socially unacceptable behaviour. This is the kind of thing people like Jeffrey Dahmer do when they were in high school, before they go ahead and dismember all those people. Whatever you do, do NOT confront this guy. You don't want to be added to "the list". Because when the killing starts, you're going to want to be on his good side. Not so close that you might be implicated in the killings, but close enough to get interviewed afterwards, saying things like "He had some bizarre habits, but I always thought he was harmless". Be friends like Elayne and George, not Jerry and George.
Steve	I'm not sure I'm with you on this one, Lazer. Sounds like your friend has had enough of your ultra-conservative approach to everyday socializing. Maybe you need to loosen up a bit and contort your Schneider McGrittle in front of a couple strangers and see how it makes you feel. Along with the popular "flies eyes" you can also try "baby elephant", "attack of the west nile mosquito" and "googly eyed aardvark". And nothing cuts the ice like an unexpected performance of "snooker face"!
Paul	This is a simple case of "human response". Obviously when this guys was growing up he had no negative affect from saying or doing stupid things. This is where your paternal instincts need to take over. Whenever he does something really stupid, punch him in the face as hard as you can. Don't worry, this is for the best. As time goes on he will learn that when he pulls his pants down in public he will get a black eye, leud comments = broken fingers, and anything that involves penis puppetry = swift kick in the crotch. He will conform in to proper behaviour in no time.
Chris	Man that is rad! I had a friend who could create Gonzo's face from the muppets with his bun and kittens. The fellas loved him! You just don't understand your friend, and you should be more tolerant.

Trevor	That sounds like a lot of abuse to be taken for a regular job. However, working in the mobile eatery business is a privelege. With that privelege comes a lot of hard work. Sure, you have 3rd degree burns all over you arms, and your stomach has been boiled from drinking grease, but the upside is the fame and adoration that comes with working in a gut wagon. Enjoy it while you can.
Steve	I've often admired the "Lou Patates" truck from the window of my office across the street. The mural on the back of the truck of Lou riding some kind of winged beast in medieval times is absolutely breathtaking. I've always wondered what inspired Lou to commission the artwork on the truck. Maybe I'll ask him.
Paul	With Steve's mention of Lou Patates and his winged beast brings me to wonder about who is the greatest fry-guy in Ottawa. Would Lou Patate riding his mythical beast be able to defeat Franks Fabulous Fries superman-like image of himself? I would like to see these heavy hitters dual it out for my consumer dollar.
Chris	Listen you, You should be honored that you are working for Lou Patates. That man is a genius! His patates are reknowned all over the downtown core. I work in Ottawa's west end, and I often drive downtown just to eat the patates! Are you nuts questioning Lou like that? If that guy tells you to wash your eyes out with hot patate grease, you better do it! You also screwed up his Casio Sportsman! Muriel. Stop and think here for a second. You know how many people would kill to be in your shoes? I ordered a small poutine there once, and Lou asked me to bark like a dog for the fries! I obliged knowing that his crispy goldenness was going to be travelling down my throat seconds after what some people might think a humiliating and odd act. I'll take one for the team for Lou anyday! His food is so awesome!

Trevor	Leon, It used to be the only way to settle this kind of mystery was to go on a talk show. However, these days there aren't as many of these shows as there used to be, so call up Ricki Lake quick. Also, your racist tendencies, however well hidden you think they are, have become unacceptable in today's society. You can't blame all your problems on black people.
Steve	Graphic designer is a noble profession, even if it is for a rap magazine. I have a CD of gangsta clip art that I rarely use anymore. If your wife would like a copy of it I'd be happy to send it to her. Here's a sample image:
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	Mr. Packenfry, I have a hunch that your wife is getting some dark sausage. Just a hunch.

Trevor	First off: puns like that are unacceptable. Paul drops puns hiroshima style, the kind that are so bad they actually have a smell. A bad smell. Like a shirt that is worn underneath hockey equipment for consecutive games without a wash. Also, everytime you say a pun an angel cries. As for your specific question, it's a trick question. I don't think ladies are even allowed at any golf course worth it's weight. So why would anyone manufacture something specifically for a demographic with no reason for purchase? They wouldn't.
Steve	That's simple - men's golf balls are full of donkey pubes and women's golf balls are full of dove feathers.
Paul	A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"
Chris	Trevor has just endeared himself to most women's associations across the globe. This is a dumb question, and I have decided to answer it in an Italian accent. Womena like a the balls made a outta a wood. Men like a the balls made a outta de rubbertini. I gotta no a knees.

Trevor	As is the case with many geniuses, this particular person does have a glaring quirk which makes people around him uncomfortable. This is God's way of making sure geniuses aren't taken advantage of. You must take the great with the bad if you want to work with him. Little known facts: Einstein had an incredibly hairy back, and always demanded that anyone working with him help work out tangles before they started work everyday. Michealangelo refused to wash his feet, and never wore anything like shoes or sandles. Da Vinci had a sinus problem that made him leak profusely from his nose. As you can see, most of the world's gifted people are cursed with something that others must tolerate. You must tolerate the daily stomach earthquakes and the stinky size tens he leaves in the washroom if you want to acheive greatness with him.
Steve	Contrary to what some of you are thinking, I didn't write this question about myself. While I don't suffer from IBS personally, I am a victim of it's lesser-known cousin: CLFS (Constant Loud Fart Syndrome). As you'll learn if you ask any of the Setbacks or my close friends this is a condition I have lived with for a very long time and while I am able to control it to some degree, I can never tell just when it will next rear it's ugly head. I just have to keep my chin up and take it one day at a time.
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	I'll be honest. There is nothing that I like better than going to someone's house, saying hello for 5 seconds, hitting the head, and exploding with fecal ferocity. It is good and nice feeling. I also enjoy reading different magazines as I do, and they include....People, Star, and In Touch. Just as a note, it is advisable to flush twice when doing these things. Because you leave more streaks than an accident at the corner of Baseline and Fisher.

Trevor	The first thing you need to look at is the type of musician you are macking here. A blues musician. He's not looking for love, he's not even looking for a friend, he's fishing for heartbreak. All leading you on, playing you some sweet Eric Clapton love songs, but lurking just below the surface is his desire to right the saddest, bluest, dirtiest Delta blues song ever written. And he can't do that if he's riding high with The Love in his heart. If you're looking for love, I suggest hanging out with the Luther Vandross/Barry White/Englebert Humperdink type musicians. But if you play your cards right with Robert Johnson Junior here, you can become a famous blues song. Everyone would love to be immortalized in song, even if it is for being the heartbreaker. Just look what it did for that dude Edmund Fitzgerald.
Steve	Boy - this is a dilly of a pickle. As a major player on the Ottawa music scene (most of the band groupies in the city can attest to that) I've had my share of females who loved me for the ol' 12 inch "rock"... if you catch my drift. One time, after playing a killer open mic set at the Elbow Room - probably my best ever cover of Hootie's "Hold My Hand" - one particular female in the back of the bar caught my eye. I could tell by the way she was getting off during my set that she meant business and as I put away my acoustic guitar DI our eyes locked briefly and there was instant chemistry between us. I proceeded to roll up my faux leather guitar strap as she made her way to the stage. Now I'm not going to lie here, when I'm really into my open mic set I give 125% and after a solid set I have the sweat stains to prove it. This night was no exception. But luck was on my side, as this girl didn't seem the least bit intimidated by my "warrior after battle" appearance and proceeded to break the ice by asking me if I knew the chords to the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones". I told her I did. She asked me if I could show them to her. I told her it was a relatively simple song and I'd be happy to write out the tablature for her. She gladly accepted and I made sure to also write down my name and room number at the Business Inn on the scrap of paper. Our fingers touched briefly as I handed it to her and our eyes met a second time - this time was easily twice as captivating as the first. My Gary Wright's "Dream Weaver" style trance was broken by a stabbing pain in my bladder. Yes, I remembered, those 3 pints of Strongbow I had during my 15 minute set wanted to get out... now. I hurried down to the bathroom and by the time I returned she was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't worried though, because I knew she felt the same sparks that I did and she'd be making her way up to my room shortly. I finished packing my gear, gave out a couple of demo tapes to some of the veteran open mic-ers on hand, and headed over to the Business Inn to wait for love to arrive at my doorstep. Not five minutes after I had checked the placement of the humidor in my guitar case, there was a knock at the door. It was her. We had awesome sex for several hours and fell asleep in each other's arms. When I awoke she was gone and all that was left was what appeared to be her demo tape on the pillow of the bed. I put it in my Tascam portastudio and pressed play - it was the most beautiful rendition of "Mr. Jones" I have ever heard. Sigh. Sorry, did you ask me something?
Paul	Went to the bar one night. I was lookin to fight. Drinking sambuca and rye. When a pretty lady caught my eye. Talked for a while, such a pretty face. Gettin a little randy, went back to my place. Fooling around going well, had my mind on the goal. Until I see on her back, a big huge mole. I say, to be polite, "we should be cautious" But really the mole was making me nauseous. I boot her out of my house the next day. Every time after that I don't know what to say. Now she is whining about me ignoring her at all the shows. She is lucky that I haven't told anyone about her growth. Got the drunken-can't-take-back-that-night blues...
Chris	Blues musicians usually are looking for heartbreak and Dear John letters, so I'm inclined to agree with Trevor here. Don't think it weird. It isn't at all. You had an opportunity to have a good time...he had an opportunity to have a good time, and we're all having a good time. If you didn't sleep with him, it's even better than it could have been in terms of the level of awkwardness. If he is acting weird....then he should get his head in check. All it was was some nookie. Some nice and fun nookie and poonani. Oh wait...you said no sex...ok...so just nookie.

Trevor	Dear Chris, Customers expect the retail salesperson to follow several unwritten rules (the customer is always right, etc). However customers aren't expected to follow anything. Doesn't seem fair does it? So you need to set the rules right off the top. Explain that you will do everything to help them get what they want, but if there are any repeat questions, you are allowed to punish them. For the first offence, maybe a flick on the forehead, second - wedgie, third - a hard kick directly in the genitalia. This hurts no matter which brand of privates you have, slit or sausage. I'm not going to lie, this will hurt your sales numbers. However, soon you will have only the most intelligent of customers, making your days go a lot smoother. Also: Chris, you should hear our new album... as a Setbacks fan for life you will especially enjoy it (I assume).
Steve	Hey Chris, Thanks for the query. My retail experience is limited to working at a full-service gas station in Manotick for two years, so I can't offer a lot of wisdom on this one but I'll try to look at it from the customer's perspective... What you need to understand is that we, as customers, know that you, as retail employees, only care about one thing - making the sale. That's what gets you your commission and ultimately puts the Benjamins in your pockets. When we ask you to check in the back for product X and you say you don't have it without checking the computer system or even blinking an eye, we know you don't actually know it's not back there but you're just trying to stay "on the floor" because - as we all know - you can't rake in the sales when you're fiddling around in the stock room. So, to keep us happy, at least make it LOOK like you actually checked... even if you whip out your cell phone and pretend it's somehow connected into the store's inventory system. I think you'll find these satisfies most customers and we'll stop bothering you and go ask somebody else. On a sidenote: Trevor, your usage of "slit or sausage" in your reply was unnecessary and offensive.
Paul	Awaiting wisdom...
Chris	First of all, I relate to your situation all too well. Trust me. I used to work in retail, and hated these kinds of things. No sir, we do not have that goddamn digital camera in stock. I already told you 50 times in your face. You have the right to execute a hard hand chop or slap to the bridge of their nose. This will however negate the possibility of them purchasing any extended warranties.

Trevor	I was going to try and wait to be the last Setback to give an answer, but couldn't beat turtle townsend... his lack of commitment to the advice seeking public astounds me. To address your specific question, I figured it would be an easy one, even though I could not personally remember his first name. I can usually remember all sorts of ridiculous details about television shows. So I hit up the internet, and still could not find an answer. Until I lucked onto an unauthorized Richard Dean Anderson fan site (www.rdanderson.com). Where I stumbled upon this nugget: Like many TV heroes (Columbo, Quincy, etc.), MacGyver had no first name -- until the last season when, in a dream sequence, he was transported back to medieval times to find his ancestors. There written in flame on a castle wall, was his name: Angus! "Oh," Cooed a maiden, "it's a beautiful name." "Maybe in your time," he replied ruefully, "but where I come from... " Though I don't recall this episode, I doubt some crazed fan who spends all her free time maintaining a Richard Dean Anderson fan site would be wrong.
Steve	Hi Belinda - thanks for the question. This isn't really something that requires me to flex my fully-engorged advice muscle -- rather more general knowledge trivia question. In any case, this is a trick. Macgiver has no first name. Nice try.
Paul	Angus Mancuso Jepetto Hilary O'Malley Van MacGyver III. It's German.
Chris	I don't know about that Steve....pretty sure MacGiver's first name was Terry.

Trevor	I don't know what to tell you man. It pains me to get advice from a person we've already tried to help for a very similar reason. We do get a lot of thank you notes and things like that for helping out, but this one email is causing me to lose sleep. The last time, we advised you quite strongly to go about things differently, and now you've come back a year later with the same question. It seems you've missed the point completely. When my advice does not work, it makes me feel helpless. Like a tiny fish in a big sea, pushing as hard as I can to make a splash with my tail fin, but barely making a ripple. A single tear is running down my cheek.
Steve	Chris - that wasn't an irate manager, that was me. I wasn't worried that you were going to have a heart attack, but that the toxic gases building up in your digestive track as a result of eating a half-cup of white cheddar seasoning might release themselves in my presence. I simply can't take that chance, so I thought you understood why I didn't want to watch the movie with you and got a ticket to the 4:10 show of Garfield instead. Note to self: keep a close eye on Bill Murray's thus-far bullet-proof career - it appears to be showing cracks.
Paul	Did Ellen Ripley give up when all of her collegues were mutilated by the Alien? Did Major Dutch Schaeffer give up when the Predator was one by one eliminating all of his team? The answer is no. I suggest that you destroy anything that gets in the way unless they release the greatest movie that will ever be seen by human eyes..... Alien vs. Predator. Good luck to you.
Chris	I have to agree with Trevor here Sean. The reality of this situation, is that Famous Players, much like Cineplex, and much like any functioning business for that matter, has a major problem with your weird behaviour. This is a movie. You gotta remember that. I have some strange tendencies as well, such as going to these theatres to see bad movies, and getting a large popcorn, going to the to topping kiosk, and unscrewing the white cheddar powder top. I then proceed to pour the entire contents into my popcorn as quick as I can. I once ran into an irate manager who called me a "weirdo", and said that I was guaranteed to have a heart attack with that much of that crap on there...I was unable to enjoy my film because of the exchange. My point is, do not screw around with the theatres. They are evil and very real, and can contribute to your downfall.