What Would the Setbacks Do?

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

First timer

December 21st, 2010

Anonymous writes:

Hi guys,

You totally rock and I miss seeing you play at the Dom! I'm a bit nervous about asking this, but here goes...

I'm a 22 year old virgin and I've been dating a girl for almost 2 years now and I'm pretty sure we're going to get married. She's a virgin too and I want to make sure that when we do it (soon I hope!) that it's really special. I'm worried that if she doesn't like it she might break up with me... or worse... she'll decline the marriage proposal that I have planned for the moment immediately after we have sex for the first time.

I need some help guys! How do I guarantee success?


Trevor		 Listen ANONYMOUS! This is a common problem. You see, sex is like an onion. It's sweet when you first bite into it, but it can make you cry, and it can make your breath stink. So my advice is to use an onion for practice. Spend lots of time eating onions; raw, sauteed, boiled, anyway you can think of. Are you having spaghetti for supper? Toss in onions. Thinking of meatloaf this weekend? Top it with onions. Making your mom's famous cookie recipe? Just add onions.

You see what I'm getting at. Eat a lot of onions, because onions are like sex.

Steve		 Negotiating the battlefields of love is tricky business. Just ask Pat Benetar. Actually, scratch that. What am I saying? You asked the Setbacks and the Setbacks are answering. Sorry Pat -- we got this one.

Now, let's talk about your predicament. When I'm faced with a difficult decision relating to the stuff that happens under the sheets with your naughty bits I look to GOD -- not his high-holiness the Lord, I'm talking about Guaradians of Death (www.guardiansofdeath.com). GOD is a forum dedicated to serious discussion about Call of Duty Black Ops and Gears of War 3. Both of these are amazing games with killer multiplayer modes and tonnes of wicked aspects like team play, missions and very realistic graphics.

I decided to take a bit of initiative and posted your question on the "Potpourri" section of the GOD forum. Here are a few responses I've already received after just a few hours -- a testament to how strong a community GOD is:

From xxBlackOpsKill85xx:
What's "sex"?

From GearsHead1999:
I'm not sure I follow either.

From COD4Life:
Can you explain what sex is? I can't answer until you do that.

From GearPlayaHater:
What's sex?


So helpful as always. Thanks guys!



Paul		 I like to lay out the options for people, show the pros and cons of each choice, and then you should be able to make your decision. If you have sex with her and then propose there are two general outcomes:

1) She is ecstatically happy with both the sex and the proposal and immediately says yes. (If this happens, awesome. Lock that down and grow old together).

2) Regardless of the quality of the sex, you completely surprise her with the proposal, she starts to cry, and says no. (If the sex was really good, you can assume that she was lying to you about being a virgin so it is a good thing that you aren’t getting married. If the sex was bad AND she says no, you have really botched things. You have literally and figuratively blown your wad too soon. If you guys stay together after this and plan to have sex again, she is going to be waiting and cringing every time after sex because she thinks you will propose to her. If you do this, you are as good as dumped.)

My final advice is to just have the sex. See how things go. Then make a decision on the proposal.

Hope this helps.



Chris		 Hi there,

You know...sex is like smores. The more you have, the stickier the mess. It's also like filling up on bread before a meal. It's impossible not to do. Lastly...sex is like laundry. You need to do it.

Maybe these references aren't ideal in my attempt to articulate what I mean. How about a line from George Michael's classic tune...

It's natural
It's chemical (let's do it)
It's logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It's sensual
But most of all.....
Sex is something that we should do
Sex is something for me and you

...ahem...not ME and YOU...but you know...you and your lady.

Embrace the fact that sex is written into our DNA. That will guarantee your success. If you're confident and assertive, while simultaneously being a gentleman and sensitive, I'm certain you'll thoroughly enjoy each other's company. Perhaps bring a small CD player, a bottle of champagne, and a Sarah Brightman disc. Ever thought of a pair of sexy dice? How about a sexy dance?
The bottom line Anonymous - even though you're new at this, you need to dive into this like you're a pro....and when I say dive in, I mean in between her legs. Just an FYI...if you manage to actually dive in there...as in an Olympic dive...then she is definitely not a virgin.


Page: