What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Nova Scotia: ROCK MECCA?

September 10th, 2004

Trodvor 2000 writes:

Hey Setcacks,

This is your old buddy Trodvor 2000, writing from the beautiful province of Nova Scotia. Halifax to be precise. Just a quick query. I am here for another 5 days. What is the best way to "rock the province"? I tried chuckin on my buttless chaps, and exploding heads with my 50 watt peavey amp at the harbour, but it seems like the folks here are only interested in hearing drunken Celtic songs, and maybe a little Debarge. How is it that I may convert them to Rockdom? Must I take up a shillelleagh, and beat rock into them? Or should I try the more subtle tactic of subliminal rockification? Please share your thoughts.


Trevor		 Listen TRODVOR 2000! Halifax is a beautiful city that is meant to be enjoyed for all that comes with it. You don't go to a new place and attempt to enforce your way of living into it, you immerse yourself in its culture and learn from it. You will become a better person this way.

So don't shave for a few days, get a sou'wester and some wellies, head down to the dock, and befriend some local fishermen. Get a job on a fishing rig and spend a week on the open sea, trapping and working the boat. Let some of the salty sea air pale and toughen your skin. Learn to enjoy the smells, the tastes, and the nightly man on man love sessions.

Either that or open your eyes to the wonderful rock and roll history that is around you by sleeping in Clayton Park while humming French Inhale.

Steve		 Thanks for the question, Trodvor. I think I might be in the best position to answer this question as I just returned from a two week romp through my homeland province of Nova Scotia. While there, I learned several things such as: how to recognize clans by their tartans, what a lobster is, how tides work, and how to rock a province. Basically, what you need to do is climb into the tower of the citadel and mount a large speaker in the bell. Then, pull out your copy of Starship's "Knee Deep in the Hoopla" and crank the first track: "We Built This City". Immediately you'll start to see what appears to be fireworks, but these are actually bagpipers and Celtic musicians being pulled from the surface of the earth and destroyed by rock in mid-air. Do not be afraid... this is a cleansing process. After about 3 minutes, when the popping slows down to one pop every 2-3 seconds, you can turn off Starship and return to a newly rockified city. Aces!

Paul		 I don't think there is anything wrong with Nova Scotia. I think the bigger problem is the fact that you think "rockin' it out" is buttless chaps at the harbour. Rock n' roll is ment to be done in a dank bar where there isn't much light. You'll know when you are doing it right when the walls are sweating and your ears are ringing.

Keep the Peavey. Lose the chaps (unless they have tassles).

Chris		 Nova Scotia is one of those crazy provinces where anything can happen and everything can happen. Sloan and Thrush Hermit are from there, but so are Great Big Sea and Crush. It's difficult to say whether this province has it together, and furthermore, it is equally as difficult to gauge how to make them make the full transition to 100% coolness. I was readng Steve's answer, and liked it. I don't know if I would choose Starship, but I would however choose HELIX or SVEN GALI, no doubt Canada's best rock bands. I would then proceed to go up the citadel tower and blast the music all over the land. I'm pretty sure everyone would emerge from their drinking holes and fishing boats, and become one with the searing sounds of such amazing hits as "Rock You" and "Under The Influence".
You can also try some Teenagehead, preferably the song "Disgusteen", and see what happens. Now I have to warn you, this could go either way. They may begin freaking out and dancing and getting into it, or they could begin chanting for The Rankins. It's a gamble Trodvor, but hopefully one that you can make pay off for the people over there. Before I finish my advice, I will however tell you this. The East Coast has a lot of hot chicks, like, almost as good as the entire province of nymphomaniacs known as Quebec. 80% of the women in the Eastern provinces are way hot. Some side advice, go to a bar, and tell them that you are a hockey player. They will probably believe you and you will guaranteed come home with a wife who is maximum hot with some royal tats....and you know what? THAT is aces.
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