What Would the Setbacks Do?
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Lost Marbles...
September 8th, 2004
Friday Pretzels writes:
Hi Setbacks,
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 3 weeks. Last night, I slept with him for the first time. It was great, except that a very strange anatomical issue arose when I was checking out his genital area. I noticed a few times during the course of our foreplay that his scrotum seemed very light in the hands. I was intrigued, thinking nothing of it initially. Once things got a little more hot and heavy, and I was inspecting a little more closely, I realized that he had absoloutely no testicles in his sac. Nothing. I decided to squeeze his sac as hard as I could at one point, hoping that he would yelp, and I could realize that I am foolish. I would've apologized about crushing his balls, but would've known about he had the nuts. Unfortunately he just moaned. I decided not to ruin the mood, but was thoroughly disgusted when we had sex, and I all I felt was a flapping, much like the hood of a sweashirt, only made out of skin. I brought it up during our ceremonial cigarette after the sweaty session. He said that he has a condition where his testicles creep up into his abdominal cavity when he is aroused. I almost barfed. I actually am really uncomfortable with this. I want to break up with him, but feel shallow. I just want my boyfriend to have his balls there. What is the easiest way to do this?
 Trevor |
Listen PRETZELS! You need to find out more information than that. He says his seed makers creep out of sight when he's aroused? You need to find out if they still work. Because if you are having the sex, I am going to assume it is for reasons of procreation. If the twins don't do their duty, then you need to find another man more suitable for impregnating you.
Also, there are other ways to have the sex. Ways that would not let his flippity floppity ball sac touch you. There are books that can show you new ways to have the sex. You should check them. But only if you are intending to have children with him. |
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 Steve |
This is Darwinism in action... your boyfriend is of a higher evolved species that has discovered a defensive technique to protect man's most vulnerable Achilles heel (other than the heel) ...the balls! A man who could receive a swift kick to the balls and keep on moving would be indestructable... you'd need some kind of silver bullet to kill this guy! Wow! |
 Paul |
Now this is just silly. You can't go around without balls in your sack. I suggest that you get him some kind of "sack-ring" to hold his nuts down. Tie it around the top of the sack to keep the little buddies in the bottom, then make out with him and see what happens. After doing this a while the dynamic duo should be used to hangin' low. Good luck. |
 Chris |
I am both horrified and terrified by your boyfriend's amphibious tendencies. Anytime anyone can hide essential parts of the male anatomy, it can be both gross and terrible. You obviously cannot live with his ability, and frankly I don't blame you. Having a flap of skin banging against the outskirts of my no man's land is a bad thought. I find it especially unfortunate that you did the squeeze test and he just moaned. His vas deferens are in there, and they should at least induce some pain if squeezed. This is leading me to believe that he really has nothing in there, OR that EVERYTHING creeps up into his abdomen at certain times/all times. I feel very strongly that you should just ask him straight up, Paula Abdul style, WTF is going on with his absence sac. This way, if he immediately says he has no balls, and for that matter, no tubes, snakes, and the other amazing technology that is supposed to be in there, then you can come to the conclusion that he is an android, because androids have no balls. |