What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Wrestling Buddies but.... Blood Brothers!

August 31st, 2004

Dino Vinegars writes:

Hi there guys,

My name is Dino Vinegars. I am a semi professional wrestler.
My brother and I created our own wrestling federation called the Vinegars Wrestling Federation, and we rip it up guys, we rip it up for the fans. Right now our fans are my cat and my fish, but it's just the beginning.
Listen guys. My brother Bruno and I were wrestling on the mat the other day in my basement. I gave my brother a DDT guys, and he really got mad. I know that this coveted and dangerous move is coveted and dangerous guys, but he is a tough guy, and he needed to be taught a lesson by the biggest pythons in the land. My biceps. I curled his head under my armpit, and gave him Jake The Snake's devastating move of power. He got really mad, guys. Really mad. I asked him to go for beers the other night and he told me to get lost.
We're brothers! What should I do?

D.V.

Trevor	Listen VINEGARS! What you have done to your brother is unacceptable. I know this, because in my time have been a victim of amateur or imitation wrestling. You see, when I was younger, my family often visited my cousin Ryan's house. He was only one year older than me (still is) but he was a lot bigger. And he LOVED the wrestling. LOVED it. Everything Ryan had was somehow related to professional wrestling... Macho Man curtains, Brutus Beefcake posters, Hulkamania jogging pants, Junk Yard Dog bedsheets, even a snake named Jake. Anyway, he would terrorize my brother and I with wrestling moves. For hours and hours. He'd set up the situations, calling out roles for us as the match went on "you're Roddy Piper and I'm George the Animal Steele, now I'm Ricky Steamboat and you're Tito Santana" This would go on until either my brother or I ended up in tears, at which point an adult would come downstairs and tell us to quit horseing around. It was always the DDT that ended the torture, because it hurt the most. In a way, I almost looked forward to it. But to this day, I am very frightened by any wrestling, even that semi-erotic olympic kind where two dudes just sort of hug and roll around. But eventually the relationship between my cousin and I healed. He grew out of his wrestling phase, and now we can laugh about it over 20 or 30 beers. You and your brother will be friends again!
Steve	Listen up Dino- The sport of wrestling is pretty stupid but it sounds like you may have caused your brother more pain than brain damage alone, so I'll offer you my advice... My concern is that you may not have pumped up the crowd enough and given your brother the opportunity to work the fan sympathy angle (or perhaps call on one of his allies from the backstage area) before performing the lethal DDT maneuver. This would have caused your brother a lot of embarassment in front of the fans as the swelling went down in the base of his neck and feeling returned to his extremities. I think you owe it to him to take him out for a Smarties & Skor treatza pizza from DQ and a couple of dilly bars. All the best,
Paul	Well Vinegars, this whole thing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. What the hell are you worried about? This is perfect. I doubt that any audience (even if they are a cat and fish) would like to see two people who love each other wrestling each other. They want to see blood, sweat, and Vinegars! Now that there is some actual rivalry you might be able to get a bigger audience.
Chris	Hi Dino, I think the source of your problems are attributed to the fact that it seems like you went straight for gold. I'm assuming that you administered the deadly DDT to Bruno within the first five minutes of your match. You should have worked on him a little. Delivering a series of serious blows to the face and abdomen while simultaneously pounding your feet on the mat with every hit, would have softened his body, and probably would have minimized the amount of humiliation that you gave him. I have also provided some minor devastation to my friend Phil back in 1989. I gave him a DDT in my backyard, during the winter, and on ice. I'll never forget his grey, white, and red Black's Photography toque slamming into the frozen wonderland that was my homemade skating rink. He cried, but you know what? It brought us closer. Within a few hours we were back to playing Super Mario Bros, and he knew better than to try knock my fort building abilities. You know why? DDT from me. That's why. Now excuse me, but I have to go and ask someone what they're going to do when Hulkamania comes after them.

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