What Would the Setbacks Do?

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Are The Setbacks Serious Assholes?

August 26th, 2004

Fern Cabbage writes:

Hi you dicks

My name is Fern Cabbage, and my daughter Jenna goes to a daycare that apparently you bastards played last year. I'll have you know that my daughter, who is about 5 years old, has been swearing her fucking head off for the last fucking 12 months because of you fucks. She was in the audience when you guys played your dumb show there, and overheard you fartfaces swearing in between songs that you apparently ran out of. I'll have you dickfarts know that I used to play in a band back in the day. We were called Liberty Free, and we knew Zeppelin up down and side to side. We played clubs, and I'll fucking tell you something. WE NEVER RAN OUT OF SONGS. That's what happens when you know your shit. Anyways assholes, besides watching you halfwits play your stupid songs, she also picked up on two of the bandmembers flipping each other the bird, and spitting. If you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, she tells me to "shove it pops", then fucking runs around the house Macauley Culkin style, screaming at the top of her lungs. I'm sick of this shit. I have half a mind to come to one of your stupid shows and kick the shit outta all of you while you wait in line for my fists of power.

I just realized I had no question. Good. I hope to waste more of your time in the future, or be kicking your asses for obviously corrupting the fucking youth of the country.

Fern.

Trevor	Fern, I remember your daughter well from that show. We were playing at a daycare for some reason (we have since replaced our manager), and were already in a bad mood when we found out our rider (2 cases of chilled 50s and a assorted deli sandwich platter) was nowhere to be found. Plus the 'stage' was merely the area in front of the play structures. I was angry because there was no beer, chet needs his sandwiches, and Chris just does what we do. But Steve, ever the professional, began preparations in earnest for a good show. We hit the stage, and found hoards of 5 and 6 year olds had set their chairs up only inches from our amps. We convinced them to move back, and Steve began his regular routine of adjusting his tone, looking for the perfect one. Picture it: these kids are waiting to hear the Sponge Bob Square Pants theme song, and Steve is strumming chords, minutely adjusting the fuzz setting on his effect peddle. The rest of us were waiting angrily to get the show over with. When suddenly your daughter arose out of the restless crowd (a game of tag had broken out). She approached Steve and said "hey mister, with a gibson guitar and marshall amp, you're much better to ease off on the effects from the peddles, just let the amp do the work". He took her advice, and we broke into an amazing version of one the B-Sides from our first cd called I Like Ice Cream. The tone was amazing. Steve looked out into the crowd and locked eyes with your daughter, and she gave him an approving nod. The kind that Mr. Miyagi gives to Daniel-san when he finally understands that the things he's learned will serve him well against the Cobra Kahn Academy. Steve smiled and we destroyed that daycare with rock. After the show, we looked for Jenna to thank her, but her parents had already picked her up. We thought maybe she was an angel sent by the gods of music to give us the Ultimate Tone. The Setbacks have never been the same since, and we've been looking for your daughter so she can come on tour with us. It sounds like she may need us just as much as we need her. To get her away from her white trash father. By the way, is she 18 yet?
Steve	Hey dickhead, you did ask us a question... "Are the Setbacks serious assholes?". I think it's pretty obvious that any band that would perform for a daycare, ad lib songs about ice cream, and then have a visible confrontation with the woman running the daycare over the absence of the deli platter and cold suds on our rider are not assholes at all... just working their butts off to make it in this cut throat biz, fuck you very much!
Paul	I remember that show. We had just finished our Creed, Jars of Clay, Dishwalla medley when the heckling started. Your daughter was right up front yelling for us to play the Sex Pistols, Type O Negative, or Barney. When we said we couldn't play any of those songs, she said that we were fags.... and that is when Steve lost it. I think you should thank your lucky stars that your kid's face was not imploded by Steve's foot. Quick thinking on Trevors behalf, distracting Steve with a half opened bag of candy, literally saved your daughters life.
Chris	Fern, If you talk any way that you write, then I think you're child's potty mouth is coming from that angry guy in the mirror that you see every day. That angry guy is you Fern. Maybe you if you replaced those f-u-c-k's with some l-o-v-e's, and some of those "fartface" comments with something a little more sensitive to relay your obvious frustration with your child and something we may or may not have done, I could be convinced of your ability to be reasonable. I'll have you know that althought The Setbacks are known for doing things like pointing to each other, and then immediately pointing at our crotches, we would never do that in front of kids, and furthermore we strive to set examples for the youth of today. We all love the kids, and realize that our sensational power can spread musical rainbows all over Canada, and make kids super smart and agile. Looks like we really are amazing for the children, and you, Fern, are nothing but an ex Air Supply fan, who wears his briefs backwards and gets a cheque from the government every month.

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