...Recent Rideau Center Adventure with Chris...posted by Chris on XVI...
August 1st, 2003
The following is a recent post that I put up on Ottawa's XVI.com, which is a network for electronic musicians. Everyone there thought it was kind of funny, so I decided to post here...
WINTER: 2003
Cham and I decided to hook up one day at Swiss Chalet. We had a chicken and rib combo a piece, then decided that we'd indulge in the nice winter weather, and smoke a joint....something that we've only done twice.
Chameleonic attempted to roll the joint....proclaiming that his DJ status immediately gave him dibs on doing this. I watched as fumbled with the Zig Zag, dropped it on the floor of his father's 1984 Camaro, and then spilled half the goods onto the dash. I rolled my eyes....and took hold of the situation quickly.
I rolled the joint. Licked it, prepped the filter, then lit. We inhaled cheeb smoke for about a total of fifteen minutes...listening to Massive Attack's Mezzanine...then began our adventure...
We first stopped at the Rideau Center. We immediately entered the main lobby, smelling the delectable aroma of Kernels popcorn. As we passed, Cham flipped the entire staff at Kernels the bird. We passed, but he suddenly doubled back, stopped right in front of the counter, and put both of his hands out with middle fingers stuck up.
"Kernels blows my ass! You're disgracing Orville!"
The employees....shocked and appalled....didn't know what to say. Chameleonic loudly informed them that he was so disgusted with the store, that he was going to Eddie Bauer. I followed...with my mouth hanging open.
We didn't get very far.
We sauntered into the IT STORE. There, we got our fill of confederate flag motifs, naked birthday cards, and hats with various genitalia hanging all over them.
We then went into COMPUCENTER...where we both approached the counter....
chrissyfur: Where is Bonk's Adventure?
gamenerd: For what system?
chrissyfur: Fucking Turbograffix man! Where is it! Do you take Interac?"
gamenerd: Uh....we don't have the Turbograffix 16 sir...
Chameleonic: WE'RE THE CUSTOMERS! Please direct us to finding Duck Hunt for NES, and we'll be on our way!
gamenerd: Duck Hu....
chrissyfur: Listen man! I need an immediate copy of Castlevania! You guys sell games, don't you?
gamenerd: ???
Chameleonic: I need the stratedy guide for Zelda....immediately!
(gamenerd's manager enters the conversation, as he sees us throwing our hands up...)
Nerdmanager: Hey Dudes!
chrissyfur: Excuse me, your employee here refuses to let us play Shinobi on your Sega Genesis. We are both thorougly disgusted with your gaming code of brotherhood.
Nerdmanager:...you mean the Dreamcast...they don't have...
Chameleonic: No! I mean the Sega Master System....if not Shinobi...then why not Altered Beast....? Why?
Nerdmanager: You guys are going to have to....
chrissyfur: Have either of you ever seen a female naked?
Nerds: ????? (manager frowns)
Cham & Chrissyfur: Good day To You Gentlemen!
Finishing that....we run into the convenience store where Chameleonic decides to buy a coke. he chugs it as I stare aimlessly into space. We decide to go to the Body Shoppe. We take the escalator...and walk into our favourite store.
Shoppegirl: Hi Guys! What's up? Do you need some service?
Chameleonic: Yes we do...I need to know if you have that mango cream that you can rub on your privates to cure Genital Craters?
Shoppegirl: What the fuck?
chrissyfur: Have you ever seen the film...Honey I Shrunk The Kids?
(Shoppegirl giggles)
chrissyfur: My dad went to high school with Rick Moranis!
Chameleonic, picking up a container of SOY body butter: DOES THIS CURE PENIS PARKINSON'S?
We observe the brutal look on the shoppegirl's face.....she is not amused....so we hightail it out....
We immediately notice security pursuing us. Two guards...wearing Securicor vests...with their hands on their miniature batons.
Chameleonic decides to book it...as do I.
We dodge the cops...attempting to stay grouded as we negotiate our equilibrium while hitting our stoned out peak....
We run down into the food court......and both snatch a slice of pizza from a Lebanese vendor.....
FUCK YOU YOU AZZHOLES! PAY FOR DE SLICE YOU AZZHOLE BITCHES!
We both laugh....run out of the mall...
We've lost the security guards....we look at each other...and bite into our pizza......we shared a moment today. Our adventure had provided us with food, and we both decided to hit up Rock Junction & Caramel City to get Rambo knives, and Shemar Moore fades....
Chameleonic....here's your request and dedictaion:
(cue up: Theme to Family Ties......What do we do baby....with our love.....? What do we do baby....with our love.......shananana....)
And then there were three...
July 14th, 2003
Trevor, our singer/guitarist and main giver of life, tied the knot with his long time girlfriend Dani on Saturday. I have to say, it was a beautiful ceremony and I cried quite a lot. The flower arrangements were absolutely stunning and the subtle use of colour in the table settings was, in a word, breathtaking.
So Trevor's off on his honeymoon driving out east with his new wife and the rest of the Setbacks are still living it up like good bachelors should. When Trevor returns we'll hit the rehearsals hard and start working on new material for that EP we keep talking about for the fall.
-steve
One for the Ages...
July 8th, 2003
I just felt the need to share probably the greatest epiphany of my life:
*** "Mike and Ike" candies are merely oblong jelly beans ***
My existence has not been in vain...
-steve
Some Random Likes/Dislikes
June 27th, 2003
I'm completely hooked on the show Last Comic Standing, however I cannot stand Canadian/American Idol.
I prefer Colgate toothpaste, but will use Crest if stuck. I do not like baking soda based toothpastes.
I would like to wear sandles more, however I do not like the ones I have because they are 10 year old Teva's.
I enjoy playing softball/baseball, but do not like to watch it on TV.
-trevor
London Top 10
June 4th, 2003
As Trevor correctly pointed out I'm currently visiting bloody London, England. In the week and a half I've spent here I feel that I've experienced enough of this city and it's culture to pass judgement on them. I've managed to gain network access to the Setbacks' mainframe so I'm going to share my findings with all of you in the form of Steve's Best Five and Worst Five things about London (and England in general)...
Steve's Best Five
1. If you're at a pub you can bring your drink outside and onto the sidewalk near the pub. In fact, you can take your drink down the street, into the park, onto the tube and just about anywhere else.
2. They don't call it Diet Coke, here it's called Coca Cola Light.
3. Everybody sounds charming with a British accent, even the freaky people who accost you on the street looking for spare change.
4. There's free public toilets all over London.
5. Charles Dickens used to hang out in one of the pubs I saw on the bus tour.
Steve's Worst Five
1. All pubs and music venues close at 11pm. That's right, last call is at 11 sharp and then they get medieval on your ass if you don't leave right away.
2. The fact that you can take drinks anywhere in the city is great, but I soon realized the only people that take advantage of this are the guys who live on park benches... and let me tell you, they take full advantage.
3. Everything is as expensive as hell. It costs 20 pence to use the toilets in the tube stations, which is about $32 in Canadian funds.
4. I can't understand what people are saying. For example, somebody was telling me about their autistic friend who's a really talented painter and illustrator. I thought, that's really good for them... I later realized that this person was "artistic".
5. The paper money is too big to fit in my wallet unless I fold it up and stick it in sideways, but then it's really fat and uncomfortable to sit on.
Vacation Time
June 2nd, 2003
The Setbacks are on a rock and roll vacation right now, while Steve is in London (the England one, not the Ontario one).
That means its hard to practice, so we all locked ourselves into our songwriting holes to come up with some new tunes. What will come out of the hole? Who knows, but it had better be good.
Upon his return we will be setting back about the task of practicing, getting ready for the big show on July 3rd at Zaphod's.
-tk
MY APOLOGY TO STEVE PALMER
May 16th, 2003
Steve. Trevor and I had a heart to heart last night.
I apologize about my ruthless attack on you. I loved your Everybody Loves Raymond shirt that you got me last year, and cherish your friendship like none other. I apologize. I'm even willing to look past yesterday morning, when we were watching The Matrix Reloaded, and you encouraged me to take a handful of popcorn, only to discover that you had cut a hole out of the bottom of the popcorn bag, and put your johnson in there. Boy...was I upset...but in the end it was pretty funny.
You're the best!
chris
JA RULE & Liam Lynch
May 13th, 2003
Man, Ja Rule is wicked. He's so gangsta.
Liam Lynch is gangsta too. He reminds me of my friend Jim, because he's standing on the corner wearing his leathers.
chris
Wisdom From An Old Man
May 9th, 2003
With Chris' birthday coming up (on the same day as our show at Babylon!!!) I feel a changing of the guard within the band. In today's society, elder's are often given the most respect. That is why age is such an important thing not only in society, but within the band.
I'm going to give you a little insight into the workings of a rock and roll machine, namely the Setbacks.
Being the oldest, I am the boss. But now Chris will be the same age as me, and we will need to make decisions together. Only upon reaching consensus will we be able to boss around Steve and Paul. That'll be sweet - it's tough work bossing around 3 dudes by yourself!
The problem with this is that Chris is the drummer, and as a result will have little or no leadership ability. As anyone who has played in a band will know, drummers are often dim witted, unable to catch jokes, or play an instrument. That is why they are given the most primitive of instruments: sticks and something to hit.
Whatever happens, I think you will find the sound of the band turning towards world beats, and djembe driven drum circle freak outs. Since I do also have a say in it, I will claim the cowbell and the thing that makes that weird sound like in the start of Crazy Train for myself to play. These percussive instruments are way better than bongos and djembes.
Hopefully one of the other guys will turn our age before we begin recording, so we can go back to being a rock band because then the vote will be 2-1 against a percussion orchestra.
-trevor
Contact the band at band[at]thesetbacks.com