TORONTO HELLOWEEN OF HORROR & POWER
3/4 of The Setbacks descend from the halls of
ROCK POWER, onto Ontario's biggest city.
November 1st, 2003
I just got home from the longest day of my life in Toronto, which happened to feel like a week. The Setbacks, with the exception of Paul, who was at home handing out fruits with razorblades in them, took the 401 to the great ville d'Toronto. No show, no nothing....except different things to do during the day in the GTA, and our friend Paul Pattison's Halloween party on Dalton Street, which is quite possibly the most difficult street on earth to find.
I arrived to the party, very cheaply dressed as a priest. I literally wore a Jeepers Creepers hat, a black shirt, and cut out a paper collar. Some dude asked me if I was Columbo, and another dude asked me if I was quaker.
I said no, I'm a priest, and realized that I had the most uninvolved costume there, with the exception of a guy who was the space shuttle, and another guy who came dressed in semi hip-hop clothes, and a Che Guevara hat which all the skaters don now-a-days....Trevor got in his face and asked him if he was a Socialist Runner....he said no. The guy look at Trev, and wondered what he was...
Steve and Trevor dressed as 80's prom limo accidents, which had me in stitches for a while. Steve can actually wear 80's short arch pants, and penny loafers and look like he just stepped out of the Delorean. Trevor's ensemble of a way too small shirt/tie/jacket combo had him looking like a dead version of one of those city bus inspectors who get free rides and accost rap kids at bus stations for no reason. Both costumes were augmented with gores of blood and cuts. Cool.
Their respective girlfriends and fellow friends were also dressed as dead dates, complete with 80's do's, and don't's.
This was a cool party. I noticed that Amanda the VJ from MuchMusic showed up. She is way hotter in person than on the televizzle. Most guys at the event noticed that her ass was so tight that you could probably fry up a steak and eggs dinner on it. Money. I was thinking that that other horse faced VJ chick with the multi colored hair would show up, but luckily she did not.
Trevor and I began walking up to people and doing our best Anne Ramsay impressions. We shouted "OWEN! Get me a cola!" and "You don't have a cousin!" at the top of our lungs in peoples ears...mimicking the lovable living gargoyle that we all came to love as Mama Fratelli in The Goonies.
R.I.P. Anne Ramsay on this chillified Helloween.
We drank from a keg, chatted, and met many a cool person. Trevor, who usually doesn't sip a single drink when social, got a little tipsy, and we ended up jetting the party at around 1:45 with some others, and going down to James Joyce, the local pub, right down the street to get some more beer. We downed a few. Trevor's slurs were getting more apparent, and I knew that he would either begin giving "life lessons" or would severely talk it up given the opportunity. We left the bar with our comrades, and I immediately wanted to get him in front of some bystanders or strangers to hear him go on a rant. We were successful in meeting some seductively dressed women at the corner of Bloor and Dalton, and Trevor ripped into them just on cue.
"What the fuck are you?, said Trevor Kealey of The Setbacks.
The woman began asking what he thought she was, in the funniest semi fake british accent I'm certain we've both ever heard.
Trevor immediately interjected...
"That is the worst fucking accent I've ever heard."
I told her that I thought she was Tina Turner, and she glanced at me funny.
"Tina Turner is black..", she said.
"Oh Yeah!", I said.
"No shit Sherlock...", Trevor said.
She said that she was Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction.
"Whatever. All you have is a wig! That accent is fake!", said Trevor. He then did a Gregory Hines style 180 tap dance turn, and began walking away.
We walked back to the house, and Trevor started going into his usual funny business. I vow to bring a tape recorder next time he's drunk, because I think I could market it as a comedy book on tape.
We took off in different directions, and I ended up leaving a little early after picking up our buddy Brett. We made the usual stop at Arby's in Kingston, and ate Beef'n'Cheddars with les frites curlies.
All in all, a fun Halloween for your favourite band.
by:
chris
LE NIGHTMARE FAN D'ROCK
Un Histoire Pour Helloween
By: Chris Saracino
October 30th, 2003
I had the displeasure of meeting a fan of The Setbacks earlier today.
Now don't get me wrong, as I love all of our fans, but this particular crazy bitch was just out there.
I sauntered into the local Harvey's, awaiting the spectacular taste of a BIG HARV, arguably the world's best hamburger. God Bless the incredible meat that is on this burger, and God Bless Harvey's for obviously refuelling the Alberta Beef Industry.
I walked up to the cash for an order, and was pleasantly surprised that the cashier knew who I was. She mentioned that she was a fan of The Setbacks, and I smiled, and wished that I had a small rock pin that I could have given her for her loyalty and courage to talk directly to a rock God. Bravo earthling peasant!
But this was short lived...
She refused to take my order, and only was willing to hold up with lunch line, an discuss the song, "The Sleuth", which is being recorded for our upcoming album. I smiled crookedly, and secretly wished that she would shut the fuck up about our song and let me get in the words, "Big Harv-Fries-Minute Maid..". Alas, she just kept on droning on and on about the stupid song, and a gaggle of Lebanese guys in the back of the line, who were obviously also eyeing the Big Harv started getting restless. I attempted a stern interuption, but it didn't faze her bubbling personality. I literally could have told this girl to fuck off and die, but she would have bounced back and continued asking me questions.
5 minutes went by until I finally just stopped acknowledging her words, and simply pointed my finger to the picture of the Big Harv. The arab lebs were fully swearing at me, and one threw his lebanese flag faux silver necklace at me. The stupid fan didn't understand that I was going to die either from hunger, or from being alley beaten by hungry arabs.
I leaned around, and simply said...."Don't you guys just eat kosher food? What are you doing here?..", thinking that this would calm them down. This only dramatically intensified their ridiculous anger. I have no idea why...
In fear for my life at this point led me to jump the counter and grab a Big Harv off the grill. The stupid fan continued asking me questions as I did this entirely illegal move, and at this point was asking me about the tablature to "Eddie", and how she was taking guiar. I was surprised to find that the grill chef/cooks on the Harvey's backline didn't like me back there grabbing and pawing at other patties, searching for the thick juiciness of the Big Harv.
In conclusion...let's just say that cops showed up, Lebs punched me, and I never ate my burger.
This was my nightmare fan.
-chris
Bionic, and why I love Ian Blurton...
by: Chris Saracino
October 29th, 2003
Dear Diary,
Steve, Paul, and myself went and saw Bionic play at the Dominion Tavern on Saturday night. It was rocktacular. It really was.
As soon as we got into the joint, the waft of pickled sausages and eggs crept into my nasal cavity. I knew that I was home. I ordered my usual quart of 50, and proceeded to saunter outside with my good ole half japanese friend, Todd Matusunaga, and Steve Palmer, the guitarist for my band. Steve has opted for the Desperado choice of attire tonight, after seeing "Once Upon A Time In Mexico", and taking into consideration that he in fact also plays the guitar, decided to begin his quest of finding his mysterious latin roots. His stupid multiple belt buckles, questa verde pointed boots, sombrero, and spurs is annoying, and gets more than a glance from the bevy of people with tattoos on their faces. Steve, I implore you to stop using "...mi amor.", and "...gringo.", and "..cabron." at the end of sentences. Life is not a latin gangster movie, and frankly, you're being weird.
We saw Paul Townsend and his girlfriend outside, and caught up with Justin from Army Of St. Joan, a really good band that played with us on Saturday night. We reminisced of days when UNDERSTOREY used to play with BERTHA DOES MOOSEJAW, our old respective bands, and when Justin got kicked out of the EX for drinking a whole mickey of rum, and telling a family of four via his mic, that GOD did not exist, and all you see is fire and flames when you die.
We laugh and drink, when suddenly, Sir Ian Blurton comes outside to have a cigarette. I have to admit, I rarely get chaunced and nervous around famous people, and to be honest, Ian Blurton ain't that famous, but I admire him, so I was a little tickled. I motion to approach him, but remember when I was in the exact same situation with one Ryan Dahle from the AOE and Limblifter bands about 5 years ago. I came off sounding like a nut when talking to him, and I remember him almost running away from me when I whipped my girlfriend's breast out and ordered him to sign it. I didn't want to screw this up, so I staved off saying anything, and instead just stared at him.
Ian Blurton seems like a softspoken guy...and he's super laid back and whatever...but he looked visibly uncomfotable when he noticed I was practically drooling while humming "Never Less Than Perfect" in my head. He finished up his smoke, and ran inside.
I heard the cranging of amps and guitars, and realized that the show was in fact starting. We all jumped into the bar.
BIONIC ripped the hell out of the crowd. Jon Cummins has the incredible ability to ensure that everyone knows that he used to be in the Doughboys, and he also makes sure that everyone knows that this band is giving 110% every fucking show. Bravo to these dudes. Ian and John both did bang on simultaneous riffing and shredding, and rock to the absolute maximum. The set was long, hard, and LOUD. Ian kept on drinking in between songs, and his gun of choice this fine night was this cool ass modified custom Firebird that he's been using since the Steelteeth days with Change Of Heart. When the set was over, he jumped into everyone one of the instruments a la Cobain, and amused everyone. I finally approached him after the show, and he was cool. Unfortunately, I found out that BLURTONIA broke the hell up. SUCKS. He's been busy producing material, most notably the Epitaph release of The Weatherthans new album, Reconstruction Site. Wicked record.
Steve got me hooked on reading the BIONIC tour diaries lately at www.bionicland.com.
Worth it....
-chris
Trevor Kealey: The Morning After
Based On A True Story and True Events
October 26th, 2003
First off...note to all. I do not trade any kind of rim shots or rim jobs for wine spritzers.
We hyperspaced everyone with rock on Friday night. Our guitars created warp 6 in the audience, and I actually witnessed someone vaporize. It was incredible. Klingons actually appeared at one point, and then got beamed back up into their warbird vessel because our sonic assault was like a plasma torpedo.
After the gig, Trevor got drunk, and proceeded to walk home with Steve.
I passed out at Trevor's house, but got reacquainted with him in the morning as his wonderful wife made pancakes for me and our friends Amanda and Angie, who also crashed at his house. I poked my head into the bedroom, and saw Trevor in his bed, hung over, and with no shirt on. He then farted, and I actually saw the sheet puff up like a small explosion. He sauntered into the kitchen with his Denver Hayes briefs, and exclaimed that it was his house, and that he could let his frank and beans float because it was a Saturday.
As we ate the pancakes, the only other piece of clothing that he put on was a fedora, and he began singing "Smooth Criminal" and not using utensils when consuming the pancakes. We discussed virginal friends from high school, Ian Blurton and him producing The Weakerthans record, and general music stuff. Trevor was insistent on making sure that we all knew that where we were was HIS HOUSE. He kept on telling us that he could walk around naked in front of us, and that there was nothing we could do. He also said that he doesn't flush the toilet after a number one, because he pays the fucking bills in this motherfucker, and that everyone ought to be more practical. We all agreed to just let him go on his rant. Then he slapped me with a pancake, and asked me what I was going to do about it. I grabbed my jacket, and motioned to leave. He kicked me down the stairs and called me a dirty guinea. He called me later and apologized because he meant to say that I was a dirty WOP.
Rehearsal is on Wednesday!
-chris
WARNING:
October 24th, 2003
If you are going to our show tonight, we will be trading some amazing, face melting guitar solos for bottles of Labbatt 50.
Bring your wallets and livers.
Chris will be exchanging rim shots (the drum kind) for wine spritzers.
Ready, Set, ROCK
October 21st, 2003
With another show sneaking up on us, the Setbacks have been busy prepping. We've had some unusual stumbling blocks though.
Last week, posters were put up on Bank Street one night, only to be torn down the next day. And this wasn't the normal post cleaning, as it seemed only our posters had been torn. Were we being targetted?
Then we noticed that one other poster in particular had been torn as well. A poster for a Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. I should tell you now that the posters we made for this show had a picture of a drag queen on it (Steve thought it was clever because we were playing with Full White DRAG), and also lipstick kisses.
That same day Natalie from the Sorority Song Record Label noticed a kid taking down our posters, and when she confronted him, he wouldn't give a straight answer (no pun intended).
So The Setbacks have been targetted by some sort of anti-gay movement. Odd.
-trevor
Show Wrapup
October 2nd, 2003
Last night's show at Babylon was great and full of the unexpecteds. There were a lot more people there to see us than I expected, Hawaii was a lot more rocking that I expected, and there was one less Tangier than I expected.
Hawaii was a full band, not the 'pop duo' I was expecting. There were really good, and created a real nice vibe in the club. The Tangiers blew the roof off the place with their energy, though they were missing a guitar player. No confirmation as to why, but there were rumours circulating that I dare not put in writing.
We were first and went on early (around 10). We played fast and furious for about half an hour. We had decided before the show that we would blaze through all songs with little or no stoppage between them. So we did that, which is hard for me due to my inability to shut up. The only mark on the set was a broken bass string at the end of the last song, which made the bass unplayable for the last 8 bars of the grand finale. Beyond that I felt we were tighter than ever.
Hopefully we gained some new fans, as our music is pretty similar to the Tangier's music. Here's the set list:
Message
Perfect Silence
Paradise
Runaway
Let's Get Faded
Eddie
The Sleuth
Our sights are now set on Rocktober 24th, when we light up the Babylon stage with Full White Drag and The Cobras. I'm so excited for this show that just writing about it has caused me to pee in my pants.
tk
DAYCARE SURPRISE
August 28th, 2003
We rocked the shit outta a bunch of kids at a daycare yesterday. As soon as we got there, and the crowd of 7-10 year old's formed, we sliced into "Peace Sells, But Who's Buying?" by Megadeth, and they friggin freaked out. We played a custom set of classics that ranged from 666-The Number of The Beast to the best of Lita Ford, and these little maniacs just ate it all up.Unfortunately, our rider was not completely met with our 7 cases of beer being not delivered.
ROCK ON CHILDREN!
Blackout Blues
August 18th, 2003
People panic too much. You should only panic in a blackout if you are in an elevator or a subway or something like that. Otherwise, fire up some candles, get out the acoustic guitar or a radio and chill. Always make sure you have some Smartfood on site at all times for just such and emergency.
Next time there is a blackout The Setbacks are going to get a generator and play a set from the roof of some downtown office building. It will be a miracle, pulling people of all backgrounds together using the "power" of music.
-tk
Re-evaluating My Plan
August 13th, 2003
Trevor and I went to see 28 Days Later last night and I'm not really sure if I'm still as keen about having a monkey as a pet/servant/special friend as I was before the movie.
-steve
Contact the band at band[at]thesetbacks.com